My four-and-a-half-year-old has become a rebel. I’m not sure when it happened or why. Maybe it was during the summer when he and his sister were fighting all day (and night). Maybe it’s because he found out we were expecting baby # 4 (!!). Well, whenever it happened, what’s happened is that my little angelic O is now a mini James Dean.
Take this morning. It’s time to get ready for school and the little rebel is up and ready to rebel. After 10 minutes and tears he’s finally dressed, but getting out of the house takes another 15 minutes (after he lies down on the kitchen floor in defiance). It’s the same for most of the day, where I have to repeat myself about 100x. Bathtime? He runs away. Dinner? He won’t come to the table. Bedtime? Please put away that toy, I’m turning off the lights. His talking toy camera keeps talking and I am ignored yet again.
So you can imagine I have been at my wits end all week, and to keep myself sane, I tried to look for some positives. One good thing is that my (usually) extremely naughty 7-year-old is now starting to look like an angel (she may be putting this on given her little brother’s new rebel status). Another good thing is that having done my online research, my little rebel is actually going through what you could call another natural process of growing up. And that other than the “busy” points of the day (like dressing, mealtimes, bed), he is still a very sweet boy. This, from Baby Center, made a lot of sense:
“Defiance is how your preschooler asserts himself….remember, too, that disciplining your preschooler doesn’t mean controlling him — it means teaching him to control himself. Punishment might get him to behave, but only because he’s afraid not to. It’s best for your child to do the right thing because he wants to — because it makes the day more fun for him or makes him feel good…”
So take heart parents of little rebels, and realize that this too shall pass (and hopefully your preschooler will start behaving again). For more good advice from real Moms, check out these Expert Answers.
It’s summer vacation, and this year we decided to enjoy the time we have together as a family, without busy schedules or classes, with just the time to really do anything or nothing for once! Last summer we did no less than 3 trips, and in-between I enrolled the kids in summer classes (N did a reading workshop, O an art class), so you can imagine how the holiday went amazingly quickly and not without stress! This summer we wanted to do the opposite, so aside from a 2-week trip to visit Grandpa P, we had NOTHING else planned.
Great?! Well, yes, aside from one small detail. My kids have been fighting like cats and dogs (ok, worse!) on a daily basis. Maybe it’s because we are at our beach house and there are no other kids around, maybe its because the beach hasn’t really been swimmable so they’ve been pushed with things to do…maybe they just have serious personality clashes?….
Luckily, the truth is that siblings WILL fight and there really isn’t much we parents can do about it (other than scream and make threats). But I did find this very useful bit of advice from Positive Parenting, which said:
“Instead of reacting to the fighting, parents can choose to be pro-active. They can stay out of the fights in a nonjudgmental way. Children need to be able to settle things for themselves. Parents can teach negotiation skills later during a calm period. Teach your child to say “I’ll give you these blocks for those.” This will help them learn win-win skills that will be there when they are needed now and useful in the future.”
I’ll be giving this a try in about 30 seconds….
The other day I was told that my daughter and her best friend Dan were at the park and were “being mean” to Frances, a three-year-old. They were all at the park together, Nat, Dan Maxine (Dan’s little sister) and Frances, and the older ones started playing a game which involved being “mean” to Frances. I don’t know the exact mechanics of what happened as this was relayed to us Moms later by the babysitters, but what was most upsetting was that the older ones apparently threw rocks at poor little Frances.
It’s a horrible thought, that your child is capable of maliciousness. We all believe in our heads that our kids are nothing short of angelic (beneath the naughtiness). I didn’t find out until more than a week after the incident (Dan’s busy Mom forgot to tell me – he got grounded) , so by then it was too late to punish Nat. But we did have a little talk. I needed an explanation. I knew Nat wasn’t an angel, she certainly had more than her fair share of naughtiness, but she wasn’t a mean kid either. Ok, so she did tease her little brother a lot, but she was always sweet to the baby and I just didn’t see any maliciousness in her behaviour for the 7 years that I’ve known her.
So was this park incident just mischief or maliciousness? Was my daughter actually bullying?
According to Wikipedia:
Bullying is the act of intentionally causing harm to others, through verbal harassment, physical assault, or other more subtle methods of coercion such as manipulation.
Well, like I said, I wasn’t there. Nat and Dan have been known to cook up mischief when they were together, but never to this degree (weelll…they were caught pelting toys at the babysitter when they were 3). But more importantly, they are actually very sweet kids. Compassionate, kind and basically good 7-year-old’s – definitely not the bullying types.
So Nat, to the best of her ability, told me what happened two weeks ago. She said they were simply playing a “monster” game and Frances was the “monster”- which the unsuspecting Frances she didn’t know she was. She said they weren’t really being mean to the little girl, and that she couldn’t remember if she was throwing rocks or not. Okay…. At least she was very sorry when I explained how this sort of thing was just unacceptable and that if it happened again there would be serious consequences. I think she knew it was wrong in the back of her mind, but the mischief and fun in playing this game took over. The incident is over now, and the kids are all friends…so lets pray it doesn’t happen again.
