Divorce is always painful and even traumatic not only for the spouses but most especially for their kids. Any child would find it hard to understand why his or her parents have to go their separate ways.
Deciding on ending a marriage when children are involved can really be difficult. Holli Palmer, a Family attorney, says you need to consult an expert to make sure that you are making the right decision and that the children do not suffer from the process.
To make things easier for the little ones and growing kids, every parent has to carry the responsibility of telling the truth according to their level of maturity. Yes the truth hurts but it will hurt your kids more if they knew about your real situation at a much later time. You can always help them cope by reassuring them of your love and support and constantly communicating with them. Always put them on top of your priorities as they need your affection and attention during a difficult time.
Communication is Key
Small kids are very inquisitive hence, you as a parent need to have ready answers to their questions. Be straightforward and keep it simple and clear so you are better understood. If possible, avoid talking about the details.
In an ideal situation, both parents should talk to their kids about the real situation. But if this is not possible, each parent in their own private time should at least let the child know that mom and dad are no longer living together. This should also be done in a calm manner to avoid confusing and stressing the kid.
What You Should Tell the Kids
Expect more questions from your child after this but don’t get irritated or show a negative reaction. Never fail to listen to them, whether they have questions or have something to say. Remember that your kid’s emotions are what matters at this time hence, you should be more patient and understanding to them although you may be having a hard time yourself.
Be prepared before you talk to your child or children and remember to use simple reasons that they can easily understand such as “Mom and dad can’t get along very well anymore.” Anticipate some of the tough questions so you would know what to tell them when you sit down to talk. It’s also a good idea to gain the strength help you deal with your anxieties beforehand.
You may also talk about the need to make certain changes in your life with the reassurance that you will be able to deal with them together moving forward.
Another important point to keep in mind is to avoid putting the blame on your spouse when discussing the problem with your kids. Do not criticize your ex in front of your children. Even though you may have had unpleasant experiences in your marriage, you still need to show respect to your spouse.
Finally, do not forget to give extra affection. Kids need reassurance from both their parents that they’re loved and supported.