Before you burst out laughing and saying something about Yogi Bear, nope, it doesn’t have anything to do with him. Yogi parenting is something that I recently read about and it seems pretty interesting. Yogi is the noun used to refer to someone who practices yoga. So basically, yogi parenting is applying yoga principles to parenting.
I have heard of yoga so many times – my friends are so into it right now – but I have never really tried it for myself. When I read this article on yogi parenting, though, I started to have second thoughts. Maybe it is a good idea!
Amy Bertrand at StlToday writes about Suzanne Tucker, a yoga enthusiast, who is practicing yogi parenting:
“For me, yogi parenting is a way of being more than a thing you do, it’s a place to come from, an approach to parenting.”
That approach includes allowing your children to make mistakes to help them grow and being in the moment with them as much as possible.
“It’s about understanding the mind of a child,” Suzanne says. Yoga, with its breathing techniques and teaching you to be “present” in your mind, help with that.
For instance, when a child scrapes her knee, the parent’s natural reaction may be to say, “Oh, tell me what happened.” In yogi parenting you pull the child into the present and say, “Let me see it, let’s work on helping this now.”
“You bring that child into the present instead of letting them relive the past,” Suzanne says.
Though I am sure this is but a small part of the whole concept, it does make sense. What about you, have you heard of yogi parenting? What are your thoughts on this?
Here are a couple more unique rules that I found interesting – and applicable to my own situation – in the article from CNN that I talked about in the last post.
I can’t understand you when you speak like that
Goal: Stopping whining, screaming, general rudeness
This one requires almost religious consistency of application to work effectively. But, essentially, you simply proclaim incomprehension when your child orders (rather than asks) you to do something, whines, or otherwise speaks to you in a way you don’t like. Whispering this helps; it takes the whole thing down a notch on the carrying-on scale. This is a de-escalation tool, so calmly repeat the rule a few times and don’t get lured into raising your voice. A child who’s whining or being rude is clearly seeking attention and drama, so use this as a way to provide neither.
I think that this one will really work – even with adults.;) More often than not, when someone starts whining, grumbling, or demanding rudely, the tendency for me is to strike back. The result is often disastrous, with the situation escalating to something that is harder to control. I think I shall try stating this in a calm manner: “I can’t understand you when you speak like that.”
There’s no such thing as boredom
Goal: Prevent your child from saying “I’m bored”; teach her to entertain herself
A friend of mine says this is one of the few things he got right with his kids. The first time his older daughter claimed she was bored he simply denied that the thing existed. Now he sometimes adds: “There’s no such thing as boredom, only failure of the imagination” or “…only mental laziness.” Surprisingly he’s never gotten the “There is too boredom!” argument, only an exasperated “Da-ad.” Regardless of the phrasing, the result is the same: The burden of amusement lands directly on your child, which is precisely where you want it.
If you think about it, this statement is so true! There is no such thing as boredom as there are countless things that a child can do. He can read, he can clean up his bedroom, he can listen to music, and so on. What would be limiting is his imagination and creativity and by “forcing” him to use these, you would actually be helping your child.
Any other quirky rules of your own?
Everyone has their own set of ground rules that govern the home. Many of us pick up these rules from our own parents while other rules are perhaps learned along the way. I found some interestingly unique rules from CNN that (apparently) work. Care to read about them?
You can’t be in the room when I’m working unless you work, too.
Goal: Get your child to help, or stop bugging you, while you do chores.
I found this rule really interesting and to be honest I have not thought of it. How many times have you tried to finish your chores around the house only to get interrupted countless times by your child? Mommy I want some water. Mommy what are you doing? Mommy let’s play. So on…If you enforce this rule, you can solve this problem. Not only will you get more things done, your child will also be more productive.
I don’t work past 8 p.m.
Goal: Regular bedtimes and time off for you.
This is actually a twisting of the bedtime rule. Our bedtime is 8:00 pm. Oftentimes, though, the kids do not want to follow this rule. The CNN article suggests taking the focus away from the kids and putting it on yourself. Instead of restricting their activities, restrict yours. YOU stop working at 8 so they cannot rely on you for anything after than time. As such, they should go to bed instead. It’s all in the perspective, isn’t it?
There are a couple more of these rules with a twist and perhaps we can take a look at them next time.
I was watching TV last night – a very rare occurrence to be sure – when I something caught my eye. Oprah was featuring several families who were challenged to change their lifestyle and to live on less what they normally did. The idea appealed to me so I set the remote control down and tuned in.
The idea was for all the members of the family to abide by the rules that Oprah had set. These rules were varied, some of them were to only have 1 hour of television or computer in a day. This included video games. Lights that were not used were to be turned off. The whole family was not to spend on anything except for food. The challenge lasted for a week.
As I watched the footage of the families trying to live up to the challenge, I felt a mixture of emotions run through me. I felt irritation at the children who acted like brats. I found myself blaming the parents for raising their kids that way. Then I felt admiration for them for wanting to live up to the challenge. I felt sad because the kids were miserable without their gadgets and they felt that they didn’t have anything to do. In the end, I felt challenged myself.
The whole idea was more than about living on less. It involved setting limits as a parent and setting a good example. There was this mom who couldn’t control what her children did because she herself could not help but break the rules – she needed to shop online. She needed to watch a movie.
I realized more than ever that raising kids is such a huge responsibility. We cannot afford to spoil them and let them do whatever they want if we want them to be responsible adults. Again, teaching by example is something that we all have to do.
I was browsing the Internet for news today when I saw a compelling headline. It read “Where were the parents? Children accused in deadly beating.” Needless to day, I immediately clicked on the link and proceeded to read the piece of news.
Apparently, five children have been accused of beating an old man to death. Some of the children are as young as 13 years old and the victim was 81 years old. He was viciously beaten to death in an alley at 5 a.m.
Based on the news report that I read, when this incident became public, residents of the area were all asking the same question: “Where were the parents?”
I have mixed reactions to this kind of question. On the one hand, why were the parents immediately to blame? On the other hand, these were children and indeed, their parents should have been responsible for them, especially since they were out of their homes at 5 in the morning. They should have been in bed, sleeping!
This is perhaps an extreme example but just imagine where your children could be and what they could be doing in the wee hours of the morning if you were as lax with them as the parents of these children were. Your kids may not go around beating old men to their deaths but there are so many other things that could happen to them.
I believe in giving children a certain amount of freedom but I do believe that I have to draw the line when it comes to certain times of the day or night. Of course, this example goes much deeper than the children being out at that time. It goes much deeper. When I read such news, I realize once again the very important role that we play in our children’s lives. It still scares me sometimes.
I guess you’ve had enough of me pointing out where us parents could go wrong, huh? It is good to reminded every now and then though, isn’t it? So anyhow, I think that for the last entry in this series, I’d focus on one controversial issue: punishing children.
I wrote about harsh parenting in April. In that post, I raised the question “where do we draw the line between maintaining discipline and harsh parenting?” Indeed, where do we draw that line?
In her article, Nancy Shute says:
Although spanking has been deplored by child-development experts since the days of Dr. Spock in the 1940s, as many as 90 percent of parents think it’s ok to spank young children, according to research by Murray Straus, a professor of sociology at the University of New Hampshire. Kazdin and other behavioral researchers say parents commonly punish far more harshly than they need to.
To her credit, she does not totally rule out the need for physical discipline. She just suggests that there are other ways to discipline aside from spanking. I totally agree with her about the idea that “finding bigger sticks” may not be the best course to take. After all, if you spank your child and he does not respond positively, how would a harsher (physical) punishment be any different?
I like the idea of timeouts. In my experience, this works well for young kids. The article suggests:
Discipline works best when it’s immediate, mild, and brief, because it’s then associated with the transgression and doesn’t breed more anger and resentment. A timeout should last for just a few minutes, usually one minute for each year of age of the child.
Makes sense?
Photo courtesy of artbyheather
We took a look at how being overprotective can harm our children’s development. How about nagging, or as some describe it, repeating and reminding?
I personally do not see a problem with repeating instructions or requests, especially if the child does not seem to hear OR ignores a parent. However, we may have to go back to an earlier stage where we set the limits and the rules. It should be that when mommy says it is time to stop playing and time to wash up for dinner, she does not have to repeat herself. On the other hand, children will be children and sometimes, they will not follow the first request. In these instances, I believe that repeating the instruction is totally fine as long as one does so firmly. That is not nagging, is it? More so, we shouldn’t really YELL just because an instruction was not followed the first time it was given. According to Nancy Shute, “In fact, there’s abundant evidence that humans tune out repeated commands… Nagging also gives children “negative reinforcement,” or an incentive—parental attention—to keep misbehaving.”
The next time you feel the beginnings of a “nag”, bear that in mind.
Another area that we should be careful with is in giving praise. Giving praise is a positive thing – as long as it is not done too much and in the proper way. Have you ever met people who thought that the world revolved around them, that they are the best ever, and that they are God’s gift to mankind? Perhaps these people do so because their parents praised them to no end, making them believe that they are better than other people. I would like my child to have a healthy amount of self-esteem but it should be based on reality and not merely a perception. Get what I am saying? Share your thoughts?
Photo courtesy of LightSpectral
In the last post, we talked about how parents fail to set limits and how this is where some of us go wrong. Thanks for the readers who commented on that post and highlighted the fact that it is not really the setting of limits that becomes a problem. Instead, it is the ENFORCING of these limits which is very important.
Another point that was raised in the article by Nancy Shute is that some parents are overprotective. According to her:
Teachers, coaches, and psychotherapists alike have noticed that parents today can’t stand to see their children struggle or suffer a setback. So they’re stepping in to micromanage everything from playground quarrels to baseball team positions to grades.
I don’t know too many people who are this overprotective of their children but I can name one or two. And yes, the results are disastrous. Children who get used to having their parents do everything for them grow up not knowing how to handle life. It is as simple as that!
If there is one thing that I believe we should teach our children, it is equipping them with the skills to handle whatever life throws at them. There is no going around the fact that they will have setbacks but we will not always be there for them. They have to learn that they have it in themselves to handle whatever they will eventually face. Otherwise, they will be weak and spineless adults. Now who would want that for their children?
Photo courtesy of PinkBelt
A reader of ours brought a veritable treasure trove of information on parenting to our attention. Visiting the U.S. News & World Report web site for parenting articles hasn’t really entered my mind but when we got an e-mail from Whitney Akers from the said web site, I decided to take a look. What did I find? TONS of material for every parent out there!
I was particularly intrigued by an article by Nancy Schutte entitled Good Parents, Bad Results. I have seen this happen one time too many and even the thought of my children growing up to be imbalanced or maladjusted despite my best intentions scare me out of my wits! So where do parents go wrong? The article presents 8 scientific facts to help explain the problem. Let’s go over them together shall we?
Failure to set limits.
It would be hard to find a parent who doesn’t agree that setting and enforcing rules are an essential part of the job description. Yet faced with whining, pouting, and tantrums, many parents cave. “The limited time you have with your kids, you want to make it ideal for them,” says Forehand, a professor of psychology at the University of Vermont whose evidence-based program is outlined in his book. “As a result, we end up overindulging our kids.”
Oh boy, isn’t this true! We do have certain limits in our minds. We even tell our children about these limits. At the mall, for example, we say you can buy one new game for your Gameboy. Or, you can play in the arcade for 30 minutes. We KNOW that we are going to enforce these limits. Yet when those cute little eyes plead us for another game or just 30 more minutes, we find it easy to give in at times, don’t we?
The bottom line? Permissiveness does not really help our kids at all. We need to set limits and enforce them. Let’s look at the other areas in the next posts.
This question was asked of me by a friend who is a relatively new parent. The first thought that came to mind was “Well, you should have talked about this in the first place!” Of course, I didn’t say that. After a few moments of thinking, I had to qualify my “mind statement.” Indeed, there are many things that you talk about before you get married and start a family. However, it does not mean that everything goes as you plan. We all know that, don’t we?
So what do you do when you have kids and you and your partner have differing views when it comes to raising your children? Who is to be followed? How do you instill discipline?
A few things have come to my mind since that conversation. If I were to find myself in that situation, one of the things that I would seriously consider is to take the advice of those who have come before me. Parenting classes, perhaps. Or maybe counseling sessions. Advice from my parents. Advice from older friends who have had more experience. Any kind of input, I would welcome. I would go through the information with my husband and sift through it – find what we can use.
Another important thing would be to talk it over thoroughly with my husband. I think that the most important thing is to be able to present a united front. We need to reach an agreement – compromise in different aspects. It is not going to be easy but it is workable.
How about you? What would you do if you were in this situation?
Before you burst out laughing and saying something about Yogi Bear, nope, it doesn’t have anything to do with him. Yogi parenting is something that I recently read about and it seems pretty interesting. Yogi is the noun used to refer to someone who practices yoga. So basically, yogi parenting is applying yoga principles to parenting.
