I don’t know if you would agree with me but sometimes, our culture puts too much premium on little boys being tough and brave. Boys shouldn’t cry. Boys shouldn’t be afraid of the dark. Boys shouldn’t be afraid of thunder and lightning. And the list goes on and on.

I am sure, though, that parents of little boys know better than that. Children are children and when they get exposed to something that they find scary, they can either become braver or more scared. This topic of children being scared came to mind earlier this week. I was just dredging up some memories and suddenly thought of how some parents try to shelter their children from anything remotely scary.

Television shows are strictly regulated and so are books, movies, and other media. While I do agree with this regulation (for other reasons), I believe that children should be exposed to “reasonably” scary material from time to time. The truth is that our children will be exposed to scary things and events no matter how much we shelter them.

If they are of school age, they will certainly hear about and maybe experience scary things outside of the home. Same thing if the children go outside to play. We just cannot control certain things! So how are we to handle this issue? What if your little boy is a scaredy cat?

I haven’t had a serious problem with this but in my experience, reassuring your child about his safety and at the same time making him aware of the realities of the situation works. How about you, what do you do to help your child with his fears?

For some reason, allergies have suddenly become the common theme at home these past couple of days. I suppose the weather might have something to do with it but I am quite certain that a little bit of oversight on our part (with regard to food) has had a role in the whole matter as well. It does not matter at this point – we just need to deal with the allergies. For future reference, though, I thought I’d share some tips on how to handle allergies in this post. I am sure that many of you have their own allergy issues to manage.

KNOW the allergen
I think this is the most important thing of all. Though of course, in the beginning, we might not be able to determine quickly what the cause of the allergy may be, through time, we are able to zero in on these. I guess we are a bit unfortunate on this end because my husband was allergic to almost everything when he was a kid and some of the allergies are recurring now. If you are not sure what is causing the reaction with your kid, try isolating possible factors. From food to laundry products – anything can cause reactions. Of course, it would be good to pay the doctor a visit to do some tests which will yield conclusive results.

Be OC about labels
Never mind that OC has some negative connotations to it. The fact is that you have to be OC to a certain degree, especially if your children are prone to allergic reactions. Read labels (food and other products) carefully and make sure that the products do not contain anything that might even remotely trigger an allergic reaction.

Maybe a better question would be, does parenting really affect personality? I am going to be honest right from the beginning – I have no clear cut answers to these questions. The reason I am posting about it is that my friends and I got to talking about children’s personalities as compared to their parents’ personalities.

Friend O was wondering out loud why her child was such a quiet little girl – she’s 2. She was wondering because she is a very gregarious person and so is her whole family. Obviously, her daughter is the “odd baby out.” Anyhow, we got to talking about what shapes the personality of a child.

Is it hereditary? Is it because of one’s parenting style? If it were hereditary, then naturally extroverted people should have extroverted children. But this isn’t always the case (as it is with my friend O). That is why I tend to lean towards parenting style having a great effect on children’s personalities.

I also found some material on this topic. Irene Watson shares how parenting styles can really affect the personality of your child:

Research on parenting during childhood and adolescence has focused primarily on the effects of parenting behaviors and styles. A crucial element of parenting is the way in which the parents attempt to control the child. Numerous consequential factors that seem to be significant have been isolated. Of course, the degree and kind of control that the parent exercises over the child has portentous ramification for the development of personality.

Studies and theories show that genetic analyses do not contribute to the framework as much as does the within-family environment in effecting personality constructs.

What is your take on this?

We recently paid a visit to our friends and we all had a blast. You know how my husband and I love video games but we do not really want the kids to be too attached to them. I still place a strong emphasis on reading. Our friends had a Wii, though, and we all played some games – children and adults alike.

So how was the experience? I have to say that it was better than I expected. You see, with the other video game consoles, most of the time, the person playing is totally engrossed in the game and does not have much interaction with the people around him. With the various games offered for the Wii, however, there are more opportunities for groups of people to actually interact with each other while playing the Wii.

Do you know the board game Cranium? Well they have a Wii version called Kabooki and children and adults can spend a whole night playing the game. It presents more of a challenge because the game utilizes actual movement of the controller for certain tasks. The Wii Sports package also presents opportunities for players to develop team work.

That being said, I actually think that Wii is good for children. Aside from the fact that human interaction is not lost when playing Wii games – in fact it can be enhanced with certain games – I think that there are more Wii games that are geared towards kids.

So would you agree with me that getting a Wii is a good idea?

I know I do. I have been told oftentimes that “worry is my middle name.” This cliché spans generations and cultures and is, I believe, quite true especially for parents. I remember how my mom acted when I was in high school. Mobile phones were not common those days and there was no way of keeping track of children at all times. That is why we had curfews. Then I went to college. I had to call home several times a week to reassure the parents that I was fine and was staying clear of trouble.

Now that I am all grown up, I suppose it is but natural to carry the tradition of worrying about children. Will my kids be safe in school? Are they in danger of being bullied in the play ground?

I can just imagine the predicament of parents who have teenagers. Would they be all right when they go to parties? Would they have the willpower to withstand peer pressure and do the right thing? Would they be safe driving?

Is this kind of worry healthy or is too much? I read an article at BC Local News which shared a heartwarming story:

She remembers talking many years ago to her brother-in-law, my now dearly departed Uncle Val. I was about 12 at the time, so my brothers would have been 15 and 17.

“I know our generation is going to make it through life with jobs and being financially stable, Val, but I worry about the children,” said Mom, whose fears raising three boys by herself at such a time could certainly be justified.

My uncle paused for a moment, then told Mom something she never forgot.

“Don’t worry,” he told her soothingly. “You and I have made it growing up through the Depression as children ourselves and, as young adults, through a world war. Our own parents certainly had cause to worry about us, too.

“Our kids will survive, adapt to their surroundings and thrive in love and life as much as fate permits.”

He was right. It’s true, completely true. Only I still worry. And, like Mom, probably always will.

The author was right – worry is part of the job.

Photo courtesy of kellynocca

Before you burst out laughing and saying something about Yogi Bear, nope, it doesn’t have anything to do with him. Yogi parenting is something that I recently read about and it seems pretty interesting. Yogi is the noun used to refer to someone who practices yoga. So basically, yogi parenting is applying yoga principles to parenting.

I have heard of yoga so many times – my friends are so into it right now – but I have never really tried it for myself. When I read this article on yogi parenting, though, I started to have second thoughts. Maybe it is a good idea!

Amy Bertrand at StlToday writes about Suzanne Tucker, a yoga enthusiast, who is practicing yogi parenting:

“For me, yogi parenting is a way of being more than a thing you do, it’s a place to come from, an approach to parenting.”

That approach includes allowing your children to make mistakes to help them grow and being in the moment with them as much as possible.

“It’s about understanding the mind of a child,” Suzanne says. Yoga, with its breathing techniques and teaching you to be “present” in your mind, help with that.

For instance, when a child scrapes her knee, the parent’s natural reaction may be to say, “Oh, tell me what happened.” In yogi parenting you pull the child into the present and say, “Let me see it, let’s work on helping this now.”

“You bring that child into the present instead of letting them relive the past,” Suzanne says.

Though I am sure this is but a small part of the whole concept, it does make sense. What about you, have you heard of yogi parenting? What are your thoughts on this?

We have been seeing, reading, and hearing a lot about organic food lately. Just this weekend, I was planning on going to the supermarket to do my regular grocery shopping. Before I could do that, though, a friend of mine called me up and invited me to go to a local specialty market with her for a change. She was raving about the organic food that we could buy there instead of the regular stuff at the supermarket.

Probably like you, I have an idea what organic food is all about. I am not so sure as of yet as to whether there really is a need for organic food, especially for babies and children. Countless other children have grown up to become healthy adults and they probably didn’t have organic food. Why should I make that shift?

Colleen Hurley, a certified kid’s nutrition specialist, wrote an article about this at Baby Mum-mum. She is a firm believer in going organic. I found some of the reasons she gave to be quite convincing.

Protects children: babies and children are far more susceptible to toxicity than adults. Little one’s have more skin surface are per body size, have still developing detoxifying systems, and have more sensitive skin. Many side effects of toxins can take several years to develop, so starting your baby on organic foods from the start can ensure a healthy future.

It tastes better: if you don’t believe us, try your taste test with an organic piece of fruit and conventional one to see for yourself.

I think that next time, I shall give organic food a try and see for myself. I still am not sure about going organic all the way, though. What about you, what do you think of feeding your babies only organic food?

Photo courtesy of svanes

I recently received a review copy of Fiona Neill’s latest novel The Secret Life of a Slummy Mummy, and I’m looking forward to some light reading!

For Lucy Sweeney, motherhood isn’t all astanga yoga and Cath Kidston prints. It has been years since the dirty washing pile was less than a metre high, months since Lucy remembered to have sex with her husband, and a week since she last did the school run wearing pyjamas. When Husband on a Short Fuse is no contest for the distractions of Sexy Domesticated Dad; Yummy Mummy No 1 has more cash flow than parenting advice; and Alpha Mum is putting a slur on your questionable domestic habits, it’s hard to remember exactly why anyone would give up a career and their sanity for three raucous sons and less than blissful domesticity. Lucy is living in a state of permanent emergency and the white lies to cover up the trail of chaos and illicit desire are about to be exposed …This is an irresistible first novel about the dilemmas of motherhood and modern marriage for those who never discovered their domestic goddess within.

I haven’t started to read the book yet, since I asked my wife to check it out for me first. But I’ve scanned through the pages, and went to the Slummy Mummy site over at Random House, and I feel I can relate–perhaps more with Sexy Domesticated Dad (minus “Sexy”) given that I hold office at home, and every morning I bring the kids to school and fetch them in the afternoon. I’m not exactly a homebody, but running a SOHO, I can say I’m probably more domesticated than most dads out there (and now I feel like a cat for being labeled such).

What exactly is a Slummy Mummy? Perhaps you can answer the Slummy Mummy quiz to see if you are one. Oh, and I took the quiz myself. And guess what! I’m a slummy mummy! LOL!

Fiona Neill is a features writer for The Times magazine and creator of author the Times’ Slummy Mummy column. Previously a foreign correspondent in Latin America, then assistant editor at Marie Claire and then The Times magazine, the author was brought up in Norfolk, she now lives in London with her husband and three children.

The Secret Life of a Slummy Mummy is published by Random House in the UK and Penguin in the US.

Here are a couple more unique rules that I found interesting – and applicable to my own situation – in the article from CNN that I talked about in the last post.

I can’t understand you when you speak like that
Goal: Stopping whining, screaming, general rudeness
This one requires almost religious consistency of application to work effectively. But, essentially, you simply proclaim incomprehension when your child orders (rather than asks) you to do something, whines, or otherwise speaks to you in a way you don’t like. Whispering this helps; it takes the whole thing down a notch on the carrying-on scale. This is a de-escalation tool, so calmly repeat the rule a few times and don’t get lured into raising your voice. A child who’s whining or being rude is clearly seeking attention and drama, so use this as a way to provide neither.

I think that this one will really work – even with adults.;) More often than not, when someone starts whining, grumbling, or demanding rudely, the tendency for me is to strike back. The result is often disastrous, with the situation escalating to something that is harder to control. I think I shall try stating this in a calm manner: “I can’t understand you when you speak like that.”

There’s no such thing as boredom
Goal: Prevent your child from saying “I’m bored”; teach her to entertain herself
A friend of mine says this is one of the few things he got right with his kids. The first time his older daughter claimed she was bored he simply denied that the thing existed. Now he sometimes adds: “There’s no such thing as boredom, only failure of the imagination” or “…only mental laziness.” Surprisingly he’s never gotten the “There is too boredom!” argument, only an exasperated “Da-ad.” Regardless of the phrasing, the result is the same: The burden of amusement lands directly on your child, which is precisely where you want it.

If you think about it, this statement is so true! There is no such thing as boredom as there are countless things that a child can do. He can read, he can clean up his bedroom, he can listen to music, and so on. What would be limiting is his imagination and creativity and by “forcing” him to use these, you would actually be helping your child.

Any other quirky rules of your own?

Everyone has their own set of ground rules that govern the home. Many of us pick up these rules from our own parents while other rules are perhaps learned along the way. I found some interestingly unique rules from CNN that (apparently) work. Care to read about them?

You can’t be in the room when I’m working unless you work, too.
Goal: Get your child to help, or stop bugging you, while you do chores.
I found this rule really interesting and to be honest I have not thought of it. How many times have you tried to finish your chores around the house only to get interrupted countless times by your child? Mommy I want some water. Mommy what are you doing? Mommy let’s play. So on…If you enforce this rule, you can solve this problem. Not only will you get more things done, your child will also be more productive.

I don’t work past 8 p.m.
Goal: Regular bedtimes and time off for you.

This is actually a twisting of the bedtime rule. Our bedtime is 8:00 pm. Oftentimes, though, the kids do not want to follow this rule. The CNN article suggests taking the focus away from the kids and putting it on yourself. Instead of restricting their activities, restrict yours. YOU stop working at 8 so they cannot rely on you for anything after than time. As such, they should go to bed instead. It’s all in the perspective, isn’t it?

There are a couple more of these rules with a twist and perhaps we can take a look at them next time.