Have you ever wished that you had a clear cut guide on how to raise your children? I know that I have and probably many other parents have as well. We all know, however, that there is nothing such as an absolute when it comes to rearing kids. Each person is different, each situation unique. Still, it would be nice to have a good guide as to how to go about being a parent, don’t you think?

Courant.com recently featured a book by Matthew Kelly that just might give us what we are looking for. Entitled Building Better Families: A Practical Guide to Raising Amazing Children, the book aims to empower parents in raising wonderful kids. Of course, there is no such thing as a guarantee when it comes to this, but critics hail the book as one of the best there is.

I honestly haven’t read it yet but from the reviews that I have been reading, I think I need to get my hands on a copy. Courant’s feature ends with this:

The book does not include a simple 10-step plan or suggest that parents embrace a specific discipline method, diet, exercise regime or work/play ratio. Instead, Kelly is all about using — and teaching your kids to use — a single guiding principle for decisions great and small. When confronted with a choice, they and you should ask this question: “Will this help me become a better version of myself?”

Sounds good to me!

Reuters reports that “Nearly a third of U.S. parents know surprisingly little about typical infant development, and this lack of understanding can rob their babies of much-needed mental stimulation, researchers said on Sunday.”

What an alarming statement! Parents are the first teachers of their children and if they do not have a good understanding of what babies need, then the babies will be on the losing side. It is true that there are no clear cut rules as to what a parent must do. Indeed, many say that there is really no way to ensure that you will be a good parent. It is something that comes with experience.

So how did the researchers come to the conclusion that a considerable number of American parents do not know enough about babies? Dr. Heather Paradis of the University of Rochester Medical Center in New York shares:

The study she conducted covered more than 10,000 parents with 9-month-old babies and asked questions such as:

-Should a 1-year-old child be able to tell between right from wrong?
-Should a 1-year-old child be ready to begin toilet-training?

The passing score is 5 out of 11. Those who got 4 and below are considered to have a lack of understanding of parenting with regard to babies.

Maybe we should all see a copy of the questionnaire and answer them ourselves.

When a woman gets pregnant, she gets cravings for the weirdest things. She just can’t help it. She feels the urge and she has to have it. Some people may never understand just what goes on during those times but WE know that those cravings are hard to resist.

Lucky for those women whose cravings lean towards that thick, creamy, brown bar of goodness called chocolate! Dr. Elizabeth Triche from Yale University and her group of researches have recently concluded a study wherein it was found that chocolate is GOOD for pregnant women.

The rationale behind this conclusion is that dark chocolate contains theobromine, a chemical that works in the following ways:

-stimulates the heart
-relaxes smooth muscle
-dilates blood vessels.

So what do these effects have to do with pregnancy? There is a condition called pre-eclampsia, which is actually a major concern for pregnant women. Though only about 8% get pre-eclampsia, those who do experience the complication also experience cardiovascular problems.

This is where chocolate comes in! The study found out that the women who consumed the most amount of chocolate and had the highest amount of theobromine in their blood were least likely to develop the complication. The catch? None, really, unless you do not like dark chocolate. This is because not all chocolates are the same. The milk chocolates and the extremely sweetened kinds will not have the same theobromine content. As such, they may not bring about the same benefits. More so, because of the high sugar content, it might bring about other complications.

So load up on that dark chocolate!

It used to be that many parents believed in the adage “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” I honestly believe in this still – to a certain extent. I believe that maintaining discipline is an important thing. However, where do we draw the line between maintaining discipline and harsh parenting?

I was led to thinking about this topic when I read a news article published in The Canadian Press today. It talked about how punitive parenting can cause aggressive behavior in children:

And the analysis showed that punitive parenting was linked to negative results - 21 per cent of youth aged 12 to 15 who said their parents frequently yelled or threatened to hit them reported often being aggressive. And 26 per cent of youth who felt their parents rejected them reported they were often aggressive.

I can see the rationale behind the results of the study but it was not made clear as to what punitive parenting is exactly. If I spank my child when he does something wrong – after several talks – does this qualify as punitive parenting? Does punitive parenting equate to not spanking your child at all?

I am no expert in child behavior and parenting – at least not in the “scientific” way. I do, however, base my principles on experience and in my experience, discipline can be enforced with a little spanking now and then. But I see this as a last resort. More so, I also see the importance of balancing this with positive reinforcement – rewarding my child when he deserves it.

How do you discipline your child? What do you think about “punitive parenting”?

I honestly did not want to write about this but the topic kept popping into my head and just wouldn’t disappear no matter what I did. People who do not have children and see other people running around like a headless chicken in order to keep up with their kids (especially those tots in their terrible twos) would probably think that being a parent would make staying fit an easier task. And why not? Expending all that energy running after one toddler (let alone 2 or more) should be enough exercise to burn away all those calories, shouldn’t it?

Unfortunately, there is more to losing weight than that. I can’t exactly explain why taking care of toddlers and losing weight do not always come together but I do know that a mom (or a dad, for that matter) may have to actually squeeze in an exercise regimen to keep fit.

This is hard, trust me. For stay home parents, it is already hard enough. For working parents, it is even harder. With work, parenting, homemaking, and other essential activities that we engage in, where do we find the time to exercise?

I suppose the answer would depend on many different factors – the children’s ages, your work schedule, your energy level, and more. I think that the bottom line is deciding that you want to exercise, that you want to make fitness one of your priorities. If this is firmly established, I am sure that you can find some time in your hectic life to exercise – even if it is only an hour a week. What do you think?

If your child has anxiety problems, what are you supposed to do? As a parent, your instinct may tell you to shelter him or her from whatever it is that is causing the anxiety. That is what I would do. But is it the right thing to do?

According to Bruce Hirsch, a counselor at the Frostig Center in Pasadena, CA, the first step in dealing with a child with anxiety problems is to go slowly. He notes:

The first thing I do, especially with an anxious child, is to go very slowly. Because if you immediately focus on their anxiety, you’re going to make the child more anxious. I try to create a very non-threatening environment. If they don’t want to talk much, that’s okay. They may want to do a little drawing instead, or play a game. Then I usually test the waters because all kids are different. I might say, “Gee, Mom and Dad said that you have a lot of trouble falling asleep at night, what do you think about that?” If the child withdraws at that point, I don’t push. Other kids may be relieved that someone’s finally addressing the anxiety so that they can talk about what’s going on.

I totally agree with this approach. What I said in the beginning of this post – sheltering the child – may not be the best wording possible but the idea is the same. At the outset, support and acceptance is what a child with anxiety needs.

What is your take?

Anxiety is something that is not to be taken lightly. If even adults may have problems with regard to anxiety and they may not know how to handle them properly, how much more for our children? There are many causes of anxiety in children. Some of the most common ones probably have something to do with school and interaction with their peers.

How do we know if our child is suffering from anxiety problems? Scott, in his blog, outlines some symptoms that may arise from such problems:

Is your child exhibiting one or more of these signs? Of course, it does not necessarily mean that he or she has a problem. It could be merely that they are part of growing up. Then again, he or she might really be having some problems – especially if the several of the symptoms above are present.
In the next post, let us look at some ways we can help our child deal with such issues.

Earth Day is a couple of days away and most everyone is looking for ways to give back to nature. Though I see this flurry of activities in a positive light, I believe that “going green” is something that we have to pay attention to in every day of our lives. Being conscious of the environment and how our actions affect it is not a one time big time thing. It is something that we impart to our children right from the outset. It is learned throughout their childhood and carried on to their adulthood.

I distinctly remember my parents teaching us little practices by which we could be environmentally conscious. For example, when we eat candy while we are in the playground and we cannot see a trash can nearby, we were taught to put the wrapper in our pockets instead of throwing it on the ground.

My parents set good examples as well. One picture that I cannot erase from my memory is our family in a car on the highway. We were eating some chips and we were done, we dutifully placed all the trash in a bag – to be disposed of later. There was this really nice car in front of us. In a little while we discovered what they were having for snacks – corn cobs flew out of the window. Soda cans followed.

That image has been imprinted permanently in my mind – bringing up kids to realize how they can help the environment out does not have to be a very big deal. We do not have to buy all organic food. We do not have to buy certain labels at the grocery store all the time. Teaching our kids the little things that they can do everyday – like the illustration I shared above – is more lasting and more important in my mind.

How do you teach your kids the value of the environment?

It is allergy season indeed and if your kids – or even you and your spouse – have seasonal allergies, then you know how difficult this time of the year can be. I ran across a really old article on ABCNews detailing some common misconceptions about allergies. I was surprised to read a couple myths that I thought were actually true!

Air purifiers help – I really thought they did! After all, if the air inside the house is clean, it would lessen allergy attacks, right? Based on that article, pollen is NOT removed by air purifiers. I honestly didn’t know that. So if anyone at home is allergic to pollen, having an air purifier will not do much good.

Another myth that I re-discovered is that cold medication helps. Deep in my mind I know that in a sense they really do help alleviate the symptoms but also that they do not really address the issue. No matter how many different types of cold medication you take, if you are allergic to something and you are not dealing with the source of allergy, then guess what, the cold will be there for quite some time!

Some people may take allergies lightly but as parents, this is one thing that we cannot afford to do. There have been studies highlighting the negative impact of allergic reactions on children. More than the physical aspect, chronic allergic reactions could have adverse psychological effects on children as well.

What do you do to deal with your child’s allergies?

It’s that time of the year again – allergies seem to come out in full bloom at this time of the year. I don’t know about you, but it seems that my family is quite prone to allergies – even if it is not allergy season. Sometimes I honestly think it’s because the house is not being kept tidy enough and dust does tend to accumulate but sometimes, no matter how much we try to clean up, we are simply not immune to allergies.

There are so many kinds of allergies – anyone who has had any problems in this regard would know what I mean. The difficult thing is that allergies do not choose age nor gender. In my family, it does not matter whether you are male or female, a child, a teenager, or an adult. When allergies strike, no one is immune.

How do you handle all the possibilities? Well, it is better to start early with the kids. If you notice signs of allergy, consult with your pediatrician at once. My husband used to have all sorts of allergic reactions when he was a kid and he had to spend considerable time at the doctor’s to figure out what he was allergic to. It does seem too much of a hassle but trust me, it is better to know what you are dealing with. This way, you can avoid those things that provoke a reaction.

A reader of ours, Brent Williams, also pointed out a very useful site – a podcast blog, in fact – which is focusing on allergies at the moment. Recognizing that it is allergy season, they are creating and presenting podcasts about different ways to deal with seasonal allergies. You might want to visit the blog for more information.