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How To Talk To Children About “Scary” Matters

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The world is scary. There is no denying that. As parents, it is quite common to feel the need to shield our children from the horrors of the world. We want to shelter them from the bad elements that are out there. On the other hand, as adults, we also know that one day, they are going to have to face the reality of what goes on outside of our loving home.

Even right now, with the ease of getting information, it is hard to keep our children totally sheltered. Take what happened in Haiti. No parent would want to talk about the difficult time that the people of Haiti (adults and children alike) are going through right now. Then again, our children are bound to find out on their own. More so, this can actually be an opportunity to impart some values to our children. But how do you go about it?

One thing that I consider very important is the age of the child. While I would like my children to know about what goes on in the world, I also think that they have to be a certain age to understand reality. One need not explain human suffering to a 4-year-old! I think that about 7 years old is just about right. At this age, they have a more mature way of understanding things and with the right kind of explanation, they will be able to handle difficult topics better. Of course, there are no absolutes here. You’d have to judge your child’s capabilities on your own.

Another important consideration is to reassure your children that whatever is happening to others right now is NOT happening to them nor is it going to happen to them. That second bit is close to not telling the truth, I know. After all, no one knows what will happen tomorrow! Then again, there is no need to frighten the children more than they probably are. At a riper age, they will certainly find out that the future is as uncertain as can be. For now, they need to hold on to the idea that they are safe and that their parents (us!) are here for them.

Emphasize certain values that you would like your children to learn. Going back to the Haiti issue. You may be far away but this is a great chance to teach the kids to give to others and help. You may not be able to hold a big fundraiser or a similar activity but you can donate as a family to the Red Cross. Little things like these are remembered by children and will stick with them through their adult lives.

Any tips that you might want to share?

Originally posted on January 31, 2010 @ 11:31 am

Parenting: Does It Reduce Or Increase Blood Pressure?

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nurse taking blood pressureI can already hear (and see) you reacting quite strongly to that question. It’s a no brainer right? Any parent knows that while children are precious, there are just times when they will make one’s blood pressure shoot up like a rocket crazy to go to outer space. I know this, and you know this; so what’s up with question that I am posing?

Earlier, I stumbled upon a very interesting study about how people actually benefit from being parents – in terms of lower blood pressure. Just like you probably, the first thought that entered my mind was: that’s a load of crock. Then again, when I read more, it seemed to make some sense.

In a nutshell, the study’s results bank on the fact that having children give us a more meaningful life and a sense of purpose. Even if you take children out of the equation, it is easy to understand how the simple idea of having a bigger perspective, a sense of purpose, can be beneficial to an individual.

Think about it, when you face some really stressful situation at work, does coming home to your children help you de-stress? Even the mere thought of going home to your babies makes a difference, right? Or let’s say you don’t work – that doesn’t mean you’re immune to the stresses of life. Having a kid, according to the study, helps you deal better with these things.

Some details about the study:

The conclusion comes from a study of 198 adults who were fitted with portable blood pressure monitors for 24 hours as they went about their normal lives. Researchers took into account other factors that can influence blood pressure, such as health, age, weight, exercise, employment and drinking history. The effect was stronger among women. Mothers had a 12 and seven-point difference in blood pressure compared with childless women.

Dr Julianne Holt-Lunstad, who led the study at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, said: ‘While caring for children may include daily hassles, deriving a sense of meaning and purpose from life’s stress has been shown to be associated with better health outcomes.’ Many parents, who cast an envious eye over the apparently carefree lives of childless couples, may disagree.

You think? I can rattle off a long list of parents who would probably disagree. I think, though, that it really depends on the situation and the point in time. So what do you think – does being a parent reduce or increase blood pressure?

Originally posted on January 16, 2010 @ 9:17 am