Depression, anger, lack of social skills and many more, these are classical signs of either underlying sickness or too much stress. Nope, you’re not crazy but might need help, who needs psychologists who charge tons of money. Get help from people like you who may have overcome these challenges themselves and have ample experience to help you through. From seasoned professionals who are well versed in such cases or merely people who want to help and have dealt with people like you, what’s important is to accept that something is wrong and that help is needed.
Acceptance is one of the most difficult things to do, for no one, and we mean no one wants to admit it outright they have issues. Pent up anger can get out of hand and easily turn violent without therapy and counseling. Have a child who seems out of the game most of the time, get help quick so you can get help on tips how you can help them develop into more lively kids.
Getting help is the first step, recovery is the ultimate goal which we all strive to attain. Learn how people overcome fear, anxiety and dread of things we take fore granted. Learn how your fears can be turned into positive approaches to the most common problems we face. The current economic slump isn’t helping either, lost your job, need help or simply want a sympathetic ear to ease away the pain. Depression is so hard to battle when you’re alone. You sacrifice your health, family and life for something that can be addresses with simple yet effective conversations. Get help, get on your way to a healthier you, inside and out!
Teens
Kids Need to Feel Important
Ever noticed how kids will keep pestering you just when you are intent on doing something. The more engrossed you are, the more they will bug you. You just want an hour to enjoy your game and they want to play it for you. It can be annoying!
Truth is they just want to be part of what you’re doing. If you are having fun, they want to have fun with you. If you enjoy cooking, they will try and enjoy it too. They love helping you decorate for christmas. They’ll even try to help wrap presents.
Of course there are times that you have to say no but before you tell them they can’t why not check if there is someway they can take part. For example, you’re busy in the kitchen getting dinner ready and you don’t really want them around your knives. How about just having them peel the veggies or wash the potatoes.
If you’re painting, why not give your kid a paintbrush too and assign him his own corner to color? He may not do as big a space as you and his corner may not be as even but that is easily taken care of.
Do you love word games, the crosswords maybe? Get a book of word puzzles that the two of you can do together. Invite him to bring his puzzles to where you sit and you can sit companionably together as you each solve your games.
These may seem like small things for them to do but the effect on them is huge. Kids love to “help out”. Let them and watch as they amaze you with what they can do.
Photo via Dynamoash
Your Daughter and Physical Fitness
Studies show that girls turn away from sports and fitness once they reach the teen years. So how do we keep our daughters as interested in keeping fit as our sons keep?
It’s important to teach our children that fitness is a lifestyle choice, and that keeping fit is a life-long endeavor. For boys this lesson isn’t as difficult, but studies show that girls are less likely to remain physically active once they reach adolescence. Judy Notay, an education fitness consultant, says girls lack of interest in fitness during the teen years is quite dramatic. “With girls and physical activity there definitely is a drop when they hit around twelve to thirteen. Studies show that there’s a real dramatic drop in team sports. Girls need to be in a social, team-driven, fun environment, and with girls only.”
We can help our daughters remain physically active by role modeling and by seeing that our schools provide fitness programs that reflect the interests of girls. Rick Bell, professor of Physical Education at the University of Victoria believes that girls are less active than boys are because it’s “a reflection of what’s happening in our schools. Girls are indicating that the curriculum is not reflecting what they want in types of activities, and the manner in which competition is a part of many activities is contrary to what many girls feel is important.”
Professor Bell says many schools are beginning to offer physical education programs for girls that grab their interest. “I know of many schools that have developed dance programs, modern, jazz, tap and social dance programs, and schools that have a prominent aerobic dance program and outdoor education programs. These are programs that typically get children very active in different settings and have been very popular in getting more and more young women involved in physical activity.”
If you’re looking for a fitness program for your daughter outside of the school setting here’s what to keep in mind says Notay. “When you’re looking for a program for your daughter make sure it’s girls only, that the activity will ensure success because it meets their skill level, and that the person running the program is very positive and understands girl’s needs. Also get a group of girls together to try something new. Then they feel safer than being on their own trying something new.”
Physical activity helps our children cope with stress, prevents disease and provides fun and socialization. While helping your daughter find the right fitness program can be a little daunting, there’s no doubt it’s worth the effort.
Photo via JosephGilbert.org
Teenage Children and Relationships
Do you have teenage sons and daughters? That is such a challenging thing. Imagine all those hormones raging out of your sons and daughters. That is why some parents get terribly paranoid about letting them go out. They think of the possibility of those teenagers having relationships that might be sexual in nature.
One of the things that would be important in this stage is communication. The teens, being in high school, they are subject to peer pressure. They are probably confused about their identities as not quite adults but not kids anymore. Shutting them out or the other way around might make things more difficult. After all, it is more difficult to deal with people when you do not know what they are thinking.
Being friends with your teenage sons and daughters is probably one of the things you could do. Give them your trust. But not all of it. After all, as parents you have to make sure that you still set certain boundaries so that they learn and that even if they fall, they would not be hurt too much with their decisions. Aside from that, being sensitive to their needs is one of the most important things you can do.
Fathers might be too critical of their daughters’ boyfriends or dates. Especially during the prom. Or when there is a spring break party. Maybe that would be the time to take the chance to know these people. Crack jokes in their presence but not at their expense so that they know you are not doing this out of spite. Who knows? Maybe they would be your best buds with whom you will batch NBA.
Photo via Michael Newman
Mother-Daughter Bonding
In Gilmore Girls, Lorelai and Rory seem to get along pretty well except for the later seasons. Lorelai had Rory when she was still a teenager so maybe that is why they get along pretty well. Their age gap is not so huge compared to other mother-daughter tandems. They even go out shopping together and borrow each others’ clothes. They talk about their relationships. They joke around like friends.
If you think that this is only possible on TV and only for moms who are not too old for their teenage daughters, think again. There are ways after all.
Start them young.
If your children would know you as someone they could trust and easily talk with, that will make them feel this more consistently. That is why it is good. However, the dilemma is that they might be too clingy later on.
Treat them as adults.
This is especially when they are already teenagers. If they know that you are trying to see them as adults, they would feel better about themselves. As if you are equals, in a way. At least when it comes to deciding on certain things for their own. Especially when it comes to dating. This way, you might even have the chance for some heart-to-heart talks.
Have fun with them.
It is true that you have to be serious with them, especially when it comes to discussing matters. But do things together like shopping, going to the salon or the spa. If your daughter likes sports like soccer or basketball, talk about the athletes and maybe even try playing it. Do not hesitate in having fun with her.
The Gilmore girls are probably not the conventional mother-daughter set up but you sure could learn much from their relationship. We are all humans and this is one thing that the daughters should see in their mothers. If you are too strict and stoic, how could they relate with you after all?
Photo via Summers
Listing The Do’s and Dont’s of Childhood
Some times our kid’s need a little helping hand in remembering what we ask them to do. If you are a parent of a child who is old enough to start helping out around the house…You will know what I mean.
Some children just do not comprehend and know how to complete tasks from start to finish. So they ask mom or dad over and over how to do whatever it is they are attempting to do.
I thought I would take a moment and list a few things that might be great to put on a child’s list of To Do’s and To Not Do’s. Making a list and posting it in words your child can read will not only help you save all the questions. It will also help you to encourage your child to read.
Toddlers Ages 3 to 5
1. Pick up your toys.
2. Put your toys where they belong.
3. Put your dirty clothes in the hamper.
4. When you are done playing put your things
away.
Kindergartners Ages 5 to 6
1. Pick up your things in your room.
2. Put everything where it should go.
3. Put your dirty clothes in the hamper.
4. Set out your clothes for the next morning.
5. Try and make your bed.
6. Help set the table.
Children Ages 6 to 10
1. Clean your room.
2. Make your bed.
3. Put toys away and other play items.
4. Put dirty clothes in the hamper
5. Help fold and put clean clothes away.
6. Help set the table.
7. Learn to pick up around the front room.
8. Learn to vacuum.
9. Learn to dust and clean surfaces in bathroom.
Children Ages 10 to 12
1. Clean your room.
2. Make your bed.
3. Put belongings away after play or use.
4. Put dirty clothes in hamper.
5. Help fold and put clean clothes away.
6. Set the table and wash dishes.
7. Learn to clean and vacuum front room.
8. Clean the bathroom.
9. Take care of personal belongings.
10. Put your bike away or any outside items.
11. Feed and take care of a pet.
12. Take out the trash.
13. Help around the house.
14. Be willing to learn new things.
Teenagers 13 and up
1. Do all of the above listed things.
2. Help mow the lawn and pick up around the yard.
3. Do extra chores for added allowances.
4. Baby sit as you grow more responsible.
5. Clean the house.
6. Learn to cook a little.
7. Learn to do laundry.
8. Learn the value of money.
9. Do some volunteer work.
Now Don’ts For All Ages.
1. Do not break house rules.
2. Do not talk to strangers.
3. Do not go any place alone or without
your parents permission.
4. Do not disrespect other people.
5. Do not talk back to teachers, parents or
people with authority.
6. Do not leave your bike or belongings in
places they do not belong.
7. Do not go places by your self.
8. Do not leave your mess for others to clean up.
9. Do not hit, kick or bite.
10. Follow all of your parents DO NOT Rules.
I am sure you get the basic idea of what you want your child to do and to not do. Just make up a list and post it on the door. You may want to add a how to clean your room list. It is always helpful to use simple words that the kids understand and can relate too. You may want to show them where the dirty clothes go.
Just a few ideas to help make life a little easier and more pleasant on the home front.
Photo via Chromatic
Top 5 Parenting Issues And My Take On Them
We don’t call being a parent the toughest job on earth for nothing, do we? Any parent knows that this job can very well take all that you’ve got to give – and then some. New parents will also learn – very quickly, I must add – that they will be judged no matter what they do. From feeding habits to toys to education – these issues will always be raised, and controversy is not far behind. Here are some of the top parenting issues today (at least based on my experience) and what I think of them. Don’t hesitate to join in the conversation and let me know what you think!
#1: Spanking
I’ve already written a post on this, and I know just how divided parents are over the issue. Some experts say that spanking can cause children to become more aggressive as adults, while others think that disciplining them in this manner can make them understand the principle of consequences. I lean towards the latter, as long as it is clear that the emphasis is on discipline and not punishment. I know a LOT of people who were spanked as kids and turned out pretty well as adults. 😉
#2: Co-sleeping
Ahh, children need their own beds and their own bedrooms, right? Proponents of co-sleeping highlight the fact that children do need a psychological blanket, and parents serve as that. However, co-sleeping presents various problems: risk of asphyxiation for young kids, too much dependency, etc. I think that co-sleeping is fine from time to time, but it must not become a habit. You would want your kids to grow up learning how to sleep alone, wouldn’t you?
#3: Medication for behavioral problems
These days, a lot of children seem to be diagnosed for ADD and other similar problems. There are doctors who will not hesitate to prescribe medication to treat certain conditions. Should you immediately take their advice? I am a staunch believer in the power of medicine, but I would hesitate if my child were to be prescribed medication for behavioral problems. I’ll get a second, even a third, opinion; and then look for treatment options that do not involve medication.
#4: Breast feeding
The general consensus is the breast feeding is still best for babies (and mommies). Medically speaking, there is no point for debate. However, breast feeding simply doesn’t work for some women. My take is that we should breast feed when we can, and if it doesn’t work, then use formula. Simple.
#5: Underage drinking
My stand on this is very clear: no alcohol till you’re of age. Some parents bank on the premise that the kids are going to do it outside of the house anyway, so might as well allow them to do it at home. At least they can keep an eye on the kids, right? I don’t buy that, do you?
So, let’s get the ball rolling. What are your thoughts on these issues?
Where Were the Parents?
I was browsing the Internet for news today when I saw a compelling headline. It read “Where were the parents? Children accused in deadly beating.” Needless to day, I immediately clicked on the link and proceeded to read the piece of news.
Apparently, five children have been accused of beating an old man to death. Some of the children are as young as 13 years old and the victim was 81 years old. He was viciously beaten to death in an alley at 5 a.m.
Based on the news report that I read, when this incident became public, residents of the area were all asking the same question: “Where were the parents?”
I have mixed reactions to this kind of question. On the one hand, why were the parents immediately to blame? On the other hand, these were children and indeed, their parents should have been responsible for them, especially since they were out of their homes at 5 in the morning. They should have been in bed, sleeping!
This is perhaps an extreme example but just imagine where your children could be and what they could be doing in the wee hours of the morning if you were as lax with them as the parents of these children were. Your kids may not go around beating old men to their deaths but there are so many other things that could happen to them.
I believe in giving children a certain amount of freedom but I do believe that I have to draw the line when it comes to certain times of the day or night. Of course, this example goes much deeper than the children being out at that time. It goes much deeper. When I read such news, I realize once again the very important role that we play in our children’s lives. It still scares me sometimes.
Photo via Ciccio Pizzettaro
On Teens and Drinking and Driving
The problem of drinking and driving has been around for as long as I can remember. This problem is not limited to a certain age group but spans all generations. Of course, as parents, we should be concerned about our teenagers drinking and driving. I believe that the most basic of measures that we can take is to set a good example. If we go out for dinner, we should not drive if we have had a drink too many. Actually, I make it a point to NOT allow anyone who has drank more than 2 beers to drive.
Still, some things may be out of our control when it comes to drinking and driving. As much as we would like to bank on our children to stick to their values, there are times when their peers may not. Nancy Shute – you may remember her from a series of posts we had not long ago – recently wrote an article on how to curb teen drinking and driving.
She writes:
Yanking teenagers’ driver’s licenses if they’re caught using a fake ID to buy alcohol may be one of the most useful new tools in reducing the risk of drinking and driving, according to a study of state laws aimed at discouraging teenage drinking.
“Almost everyone knows that it’s illegal to use a fake ID,” says Jim Fell, a researcher at the Pacific Institute for Research and Evaluation in Calverton, Md., who conducted the study, published in the journal Accident Analysis and Prevention. Six states suspend licenses for using fake IDs, and those states saw the only significant reduction in drunk-driving fatalities among teenagers from 1998 to 2004, a drop of 7 percent, based on federal accident data.
I am all for this law. Though some may say that the law is too tough, I would rather have them be tough early on than show some leniency and then have my kid suffer from a drunk driver accident. What do you think?
Photo via Steve Rhode