The Art Of Listening
Are you a good listener? I actually find it amusing that I got the idea for this post from one of those online quizzes in a social networking site. I like taking those quizzes when I am passing away time. They may not be as accurate as they can be but they are fun and sometimes, provides valuable insight – like this one. As I was reading my results (I am supposedly a good listener although I don’t always come across as one), I could not help by relate the topic to being a parent.
As Munashe shares in his blog, the art of listening is perhaps one of the most important – if not THE most important - things that a parent should develop. What does the art of listening entail?
I believe that it is more than sitting there and hearing the things that your child has to say. It is not a passive activity but an interactive one. You actively listen by understanding what your child is saying and contributing something to the conversation. More so, listening entails understanding that maybe, at times, your child just wants to be heard and does not really need to be told what to do.
I think that is one problem that arises when children share things with their parents – we sometimes automatically think that we need to provide a solution to whatever they are presenting. Have you ever thought that maybe your child just wants to rant and let off steam and be heard? I sure know that I feel that way a lot of times.
So do you take the time out to really listen to your child? How do you listen?
April 3, 2008 at 2:35 pm
i enjoyed this post, thanks
April 3, 2008 at 2:39 pm
[…] parenting-blog also wrote about listening, the link is here, worth a […]
April 4, 2008 at 6:45 am
I often advise parents to ask questions of their children instead of lecture. It always reveals so much more about what a child is thinking when we listen to what they have to say instead of telling them how to think.
You might ask, “but what if you really want to make a point?” When a parent really wants to make a point, it’s best to ask a guided question and allow your child to answer in his own words.
For example, you might ask, “how can we share the game between 2 people?” The child can answer, “we can take turns so it’s fair for everyone.”
I joke with my readers- “If an adult says it, it can be challenged, but if the child says it himself, it must be the truth!”
Just another way to be a positive role model to children.
http://drrobyn.wordpress.com/2008/03/31/powerful-role-models-seven-ways-to-make-a-positive-impact-on-children/
Thanks-
Dr. Robyn
April 6, 2008 at 3:13 pm
I really like this “principle of eliciting.” It not only avoids being seen as a dictator but helps our children to realize things on their own as well.
April 7, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Listening is a real art, isn’t it? Whether it’s adults or kids. I was actually on a training course last year where we did an hour-long session on how to listen. You really don’t know how hard it is until you’ve been made to sit down and listen to someone with a five-minute timer and requirement to not talk yourself (apart from offering assent).
He advised:
1) Sit naturally and, if you can, put your feet flat on the floor.
2) Make good eye contact.
3) Have open body language.
4) Never, ever, interrupt and this can be viewed as devaluing what the other person has to say.
The aim is to make the other person feel like there’s nothing more important in the world at that moment than what they have to say.
April 9, 2008 at 1:12 pm
I’m actually doing a series now on communication between parents and their kids. It’s hard to believe, but so many parents truly don’t know how to listen to their teenagers.
Great post, very informative!