Comments on: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

By: Ilze

Ilze — Mon, 24 May 2010 08:57:40 +0000

…if you have spanked your child up until now (he is almost three years old) and after reading all these comments, you decide you want to stop. Is it too late?

By: Chris

Chris — Tue, 18 May 2010 17:31:07 +0000

Thank you for your post on Spanking. Disciplining children is a difficult task for any parent. At Parentology, when we apply our parenting philosophy, we focus on the balance of power between the child and the parent. For more on this balance, read here (http://parentologyblog.com/tag/discipline/). To learn more about our parenting philosophy, click here (http://parentologyblog.com/allaboutus/). We’d love your thoughts and feedback!

By: Chad

Chad — Tue, 18 May 2010 01:32:25 +0000

I expected to be a “spanker.” I occasionally spanked my first child, but it didn’t seem to work so I stopped. I haven’t spanked my second child at all. I don’t have a definitive answer, but I don’t see myself ever spanking again.

By: Quotes About Life

Quotes About Life — Mon, 17 May 2010 11:36:46 +0000

I often wondered if a parents anger in connection with discipline is what further adds fuel to the fire all along. To me, getting angry at the situation just sends the wrong messages. I had teachers who disciplined their students in such a way that I thought as parents they were probably amazing. I envy any and all who go through this. This is one of the reasons I do not want to have children, I would be afraid of doing the wrong things.

By: Jake

Jake — Wed, 12 May 2010 14:03:15 +0000

On your cause and effect point – What you’re saying to the child is ‘You shouldn’t do this, because if you do, you’ll get spanked.’

How useful is this to the kid? Say your child stole something and you spank them. To their mind, the cause and effect here is – ‘those who steal get spanked’. They’re not learning WHY it’s wrong to steal, only that they’ll get hit if they do. Surely a better lesson would be to take their favourite toy from them for an couple of hours. This way they see that it’s not nice to take what isn’t yours.

By: Superdad

Superdad — Thu, 06 May 2010 03:12:16 +0000

I have read the original post and all of the comments. I am the father of two, brother of eight, uncle of fourteen. Big family; lots of approaches to discipline. I want my children to do the right thing because they understand it is right, not because they fear consequences or punishment/discipline. Since our children were toddlers, my wife and I have worked very hard to explain (in simple terms) why one action is acceptable, while another is not. Let’s face it, we all have some mechanism within us that tells us when we are doing something that is “against” the rules. By spanking our children, we are undoubtedly revealing that we do not possess the creativity or discipline to come up with a non-violent solution to our child’s behavior.

And while we are on the subject, I believe we should be directing our children in the positive whenever possible. Instead of saying, “don’t do that, you can’t have that, stop doing that…” our children should hear, “if you do this, then you can have that, when you finish this, you can do that, etc.” How sick and tired do we get of our friends, family, and co-workers when they speak to us in negative terms, why should our kids like it any better.

Thanks – Superdad

By: Laurel

Laurel — Tue, 04 May 2010 02:46:18 +0000

Spanking, abusive words, punishment: all of it is part of an ill-conceived short-term solution for “discipline” which is could be properly be replaced by communication. I suggest reading “Parent Effectiveness Training” by Dr. Gordon.

By: Kyle

Kyle — Sat, 01 May 2010 21:45:15 +0000

I think Jordan’s comment above makes a few very good points. Different types of discipline are needed for different situations and what works for one child may have little or no effect on another child. When a child is too young to understand talking, there are times you need to get their attention immediately for dangerous behavior or really unacceptable behavior and nothing short of a smack will dirert their attention.

By: Lara

Lara — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 12:42:48 +0000

Yup – this is indeed a very touchy subject; and probably one that not everyone will find a consensus about. I do like the idea that spanking may be effective for some, while it may not be for others. Also, I agree that the bottom line is in defining and upholding your core values. Thanks for the input, everyone!

By: Jordan Gadsby

Jordan Gadsby — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 05:13:56 +0000

I was spanked on occasion by my parents and grew up with out any violence or anger issues. This is as good of an argument for spanking as the one that raising kids that turned out OK without spanking them is for not spanking.
I believe there are different types of discipline that are required for different situations. There are also different types of discipline that work well for different children. I don’t think that spanking is the right choice in most situations, but I do think there are times when it is the right choice. My wife and I decided to slap our sons hand when he was quite young when he did something that could put him in danger of being hurt more seriously. He was to young to understand by talking to him and there had to be a consequence to his action that was felt immediately in order for him to relate it to the dangerous action.
If you do a statistical analysis of most studies that point to spanking leading to violence you will find that there are also a lot of other factors to consider in the studies that usually aren’t quoted.