Same Sex Couples And Parenting
This is probably going to be a controversial post. We all have our beliefs as to sexual orientation and it was not long ago when that hullaballoo about same sex marriage in California hit the headlines. With all the focus on same sex marriage, have you ever thought about same sex parents/parenting?
The reason for this post is the article “Same-sex couples can be effective parents, researchers find,” which I read over at USA Today. The bottom line is this:
Children raised by same-sex couples appear to do as well as those raised by parents of both sexes, suggests an international research review that challenges the long-ingrained belief that children need male and female parents for healthy adjustment.
“It’s more about the quality of the parenting than the gender of the parents,” says Judith Stacey of New York University, co-author of the comprehensive review. It will be published Friday in the Journal of Marriage and Family.
Naturally, I had to look into the details. What did they measure effective parenting by? Apparently, they took a look at things such as self-esteem, social adjustment, performance in school, and so on. I cannot argue that these things are universally regarded as important by parents, can you?
Experts say that what counts is the quality of the parents rather than the gender. It reminded me of the forever present argument when it comes to the corporate world. It used to be that men got better jobs and higher pay in spite of the fact that there are women who are just as qualified as they are. (Maybe this is still happening, I am not so sure.) The perennial argument is that the gender does not matter.
Maybe I am a bit traditional in this sense as I cannot help but think about the need of children for a father figure. This could be because I grew up with the males in my family on a pedestal. This could also be because I want my children to grow up with the father figuring prominently in their lives.
Still, we cannot discount the fact that there are children being raised today without a (traditional) father and a (traditional) mother, and studies show that they are doing just fine. I suppose that it doesn’t work for (or sit well with) everyone, and it really is the quality that will matter at the end of the day.
What’s going through your mind?
January 25th, 2010 at 6:52 am
Very interesting post and issue. I like how you look at your own reaction and thoughts about this.
I do believe that kids can be raised by gay couples just as well as by parents of both sexes. But it’s our vision of family that is being questioned here.
I’m glad the article you mention focuses on the importance of the quality of how people parent their kids. That’s what matters most and makes a difference, not the “logical” role each parent should have within the family.
I’d like to ask a question, put your very good post a step further by asking whether gay parents parent their child “better” ? Maybe yes. What I mean is that unlike parents of both sexes, gay parents “have to” ask themselves the question of how they’re going to parent their child and therefore probably pay an extra attention to their child’s self esteem and developement.
Thanks for this post, it gives credibility to gay couples who have children and it’s a good thing in my opinion.
January 25th, 2010 at 7:20 pm
I was adopted when I was 23 months old and when I about 12yrs old Brenda “converted” my Mom. This didn’t bother me too much, except someone new was taking my Mom’s attention.I am now 32yrs old my Mom and brenda are still together 18yrs later and they are my parents, in my eyes, they went through all the tough times,adolscent times,life on the wildside and the stress I put them through.They did put good values and a firm foundation to come back to and I like to believe I am well rounded father of 3,open minded,optimistic,sympathic,empathatic and alot of good character traits I owe to my lesbian parents and my own life experiences.My kids love Grandma and Grandma Gus, (only my 9yr old get it) I feel it is more about what they have to offfer , stable enviroment,love,encouragement,loving household etc. I do not think it really matters as far as same sex. more parenting skills in general
January 27th, 2010 at 2:39 am
Thanks, Laura and Johnny. Laura, I think you may have a point in that gay parents may even be better parents since they have to ask more questions about their “roles.”
Johnny, you’re a living testament to what good parenting can do/make!
April 21st, 2010 at 3:00 pm
I would have to agree with Johnny! I am a lesbian parent and my girlfriend and I are raising our daughter well. We are only 22 yrs old, which is young, but I do believe we are doing the best we can. Our daughter is 2 yrs old and we are always told by doctors and other professionals that she is “smarter” than the average 2yr old. She knows all of her colors, can count to 100, can speak some spanish(some colors and numbers), knows her ABC’s and so much more. Now, I’m not saying she’s so “smart” because her parents are gay, but I am saying that the fact that she has two mothers does not impare her.
May 24th, 2010 at 1:04 pm
hello, I am 14 years old and i need some help please?
I think I am a bisexual but im scared of what people will think of me if I tell anyone. my parents and one of my sister know but what about everyone else. can anybody help me.