Aggressive Behavior Resulting From Harsh Parenting?
It used to be that many parents believed in the adage “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” I honestly believe in this still – to a certain extent. I believe that maintaining discipline is an important thing. However, where do we draw the line between maintaining discipline and harsh parenting?
I was led to thinking about this topic when I read a news article published in The Canadian Press today. It talked about how punitive parenting can cause aggressive behavior in children:
And the analysis showed that punitive parenting was linked to negative results – 21 per cent of youth aged 12 to 15 who said their parents frequently yelled or threatened to hit them reported often being aggressive. And 26 per cent of youth who felt their parents rejected them reported they were often aggressive.
I can see the rationale behind the results of the study but it was not made clear as to what punitive parenting is exactly. If I spank my child when he does something wrong – after several talks – does this qualify as punitive parenting? Does punitive parenting equate to not spanking your child at all?
I am no expert in child behavior and parenting – at least not in the “scientific” way. I do, however, base my principles on experience and in my experience, discipline can be enforced with a little spanking now and then. But I see this as a last resort. More so, I also see the importance of balancing this with positive reinforcement – rewarding my child when he deserves it.
How do you discipline your child? What do you think about “punitive parenting”?
May 1st, 2008 at 12:16 pm
I have wrestled with this issue myself, though I have never spanked. I interpret “punitive parenting” as involving discipline that is itself aggressive. If I yell, my kids hear me less. If I restrict, they want to rebel all the more. Yet, if I explain things, stay calm, and don’t get angry while being consistent and firm, they respond positively. As a parent I often EXPECT my kids to listen to me and I get frustrated when they don’t, but that is my ego reacting. That ego gets in the way of “constructive parenting” and results in what may be “punitive parenting.”
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:34 am
Hey guys I just finished up with my english class and had to write a paper on a topic that we felt strongly on and parenting is what I choice. I believe that it startes from the beginning and in my paper I give ways that I have experienced that help to not have to resort to punishment, because of involvement that the kids are used to. If you all would like for me to I am more than happy to share it with you, though I am not a parent, I was one of those kids that got the kind of involvement I talk about TOO late. I am better now but as a kid I was bad.
May 3rd, 2008 at 12:18 am
Hi Nicole and Ashley. Thanks for your comments. It is always nice to read the perspective of others.
May 9th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Hi Lara, This is an issue we discuss on site A LOT, and from the forum it’s pretty plain that this topic evokes some diverse opinions, strongly held! What was really interesting, if slightly off topic, was the research released recently by the University of California showing the effect of having a ’spirited’ older brother can have on his younger siblings… something (else!) to put into the equation, anyway.
Rhianon
May 14th, 2008 at 9:50 am
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June 20th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
[...] wrote about harsh parenting in April. In that post, I raised the question “where do we draw the line between maintaining discipline [...]
March 23rd, 2009 at 8:10 am
I am actually doing a paper on parenting and child behavior as well. The topic is, if a child behaves badly, should the parents accept responsibility and be punished as well? There is actually a choice for some states that would legally attribute the punishment to the parents themselves. As much as I believe that the parents have a strong influence on the behavior of their child, I also think that it is not fair to punish the parents for their child’s negative behavior.
April 15th, 2009 at 11:35 am
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August 11th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
I completely agree with your last statement about postive reinforcement. As a teen, I find it very frustrating how my parents seem to always notice and mention when I mess up but seem to forget the good things you do. I write for a parenting website (RadicalParenting.com) where teens give advice to parents from our perspective. We have an article called Consequences vs Rewards: Can You Punish Teens? that I think you should check out:
http://www.radicalparenting.com/2009/06/30/consequences-vs-rewards-can-you-punish-teens/