http://www.parenting-blog.net/dads/the-art-of-listening-2/ ...best job in the world Mon, 16 Jan 2012 17:28:05 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 http://www.parenting-blog.net/dads/the-art-of-listening-2/comment-page-1/#comment-54891 Harmony Fri, 17 Jul 2009 17:01:42 +0000 http://www.parenting-blog.net/?p=298#comment-54891 Well just this morning, on the way out the door, rushing to get to our friend's house, my daughter fell down the steep front steps, scraped and hit her chin pretty bad, and had a mouthful of dirt. I just put down my things, quickly scooped her up, and held her on my lap, letting her cry and cry without asking "what happened? what did you trip on? are you okay? where does it hurt? etc..." I didn't let my schedule rush me. I resisted running in to clean her up or distract her. I just sat, holding her, and listening. She cried hard, bleeding on us both and really connecting with me--looking straight into my eyes and spitting out bits of dirt now and again. We stayed for quite a few minutes. I didn't then bombard her with questions. I simply brought her in, cleaned her up and listened to her cry while I did. She didn't want me to, but I explained that we had to clean her off. She cried and I just listened empathetically, knowing that it hurt to be cleaned up. Then I asked about where it hurt, but I didn't push about "how it happened"--it doesn't really matter--people trip. It took a lot more time, and patience on my part, but then she seemed much more herself sooner, and really connected to me. I think being the support person in their life and not always the "fix it" person can be more useful in their ability to grow as a person. She knew I was really there with her, not trying to quickly fix the situation. Well just this morning, on the way out the door, rushing to get to our friend’s house, my daughter fell down the steep front steps, scraped and hit her chin pretty bad, and had a mouthful of dirt. I just put down my things, quickly scooped her up, and held her on my lap, letting her cry and cry without asking “what happened? what did you trip on? are you okay? where does it hurt? etc…” I didn’t let my schedule rush me. I resisted running in to clean her up or distract her. I just sat, holding her, and listening. She cried hard, bleeding on us both and really connecting with me–looking straight into my eyes and spitting out bits of dirt now and again. We stayed for quite a few minutes. I didn’t then bombard her with questions. I simply brought her in, cleaned her up and listened to her cry while I did. She didn’t want me to, but I explained that we had to clean her off. She cried and I just listened empathetically, knowing that it hurt to be cleaned up. Then I asked about where it hurt, but I didn’t push about “how it happened”–it doesn’t really matter–people trip. It took a lot more time, and patience on my part, but then she seemed much more herself sooner, and really connected to me. I think being the support person in their life and not always the “fix it” person can be more useful in their ability to grow as a person. She knew I was really there with her, not trying to quickly fix the situation.

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