The Art Of Listening
Are you a good listener? I actually find it amusing that I got the idea for this post from one of those online quizzes in a social networking site. I like taking those quizzes when I am passing away time. They may not be as accurate as they can be but they are fun and sometimes, provides valuable insight – like this one. As I was reading my results (I am supposedly a good listener although I don’t always come across as one), I could not help by relate the topic to being a parent.
As Munashe shares in his blog, the art of listening is perhaps one of the most important – if not THE most important – things that a parent should develop. What does the art of listening entail?
I believe that it is more than sitting there and hearing the things that your child has to say. It is not a passive activity but an interactive one. You actively listen by understanding what your child is saying and contributing something to the conversation. More so, listening entails understanding that maybe, at times, your child just wants to be heard and does not really need to be told what to do.
I think that is one problem that arises when children share things with their parents – we sometimes automatically think that we need to provide a solution to whatever they are presenting. Have you ever thought that maybe your child just wants to rant and let off steam and be heard? I sure know that I feel that way a lot of times.
So do you take the time out to really listen to your child? How do you listen?
July 17th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Well just this morning, on the way out the door, rushing to get to our friend’s house, my daughter fell down the steep front steps, scraped and hit her chin pretty bad, and had a mouthful of dirt. I just put down my things, quickly scooped her up, and held her on my lap, letting her cry and cry without asking “what happened? what did you trip on? are you okay? where does it hurt? etc…” I didn’t let my schedule rush me. I resisted running in to clean her up or distract her. I just sat, holding her, and listening. She cried hard, bleeding on us both and really connecting with me–looking straight into my eyes and spitting out bits of dirt now and again. We stayed for quite a few minutes. I didn’t then bombard her with questions. I simply brought her in, cleaned her up and listened to her cry while I did. She didn’t want me to, but I explained that we had to clean her off. She cried and I just listened empathetically, knowing that it hurt to be cleaned up. Then I asked about where it hurt, but I didn’t push about “how it happened”–it doesn’t really matter–people trip. It took a lot more time, and patience on my part, but then she seemed much more herself sooner, and really connected to me. I think being the support person in their life and not always the “fix it” person can be more useful in their ability to grow as a person. She knew I was really there with her, not trying to quickly fix the situation.