Do you have teenage sons and daughters? That is such a challenging thing. Imagine all those hormones raging out of your sons and daughters. That is why some parents get terribly paranoid about letting them go out. They think of the possibility of those teenagers having relationships that might be sexual in nature.
One of the things that would be important in this stage is communication. The teens, being in high school, they are subject to peer pressure. They are probably confused about their identities as not quite adults but not kids anymore. Shutting them out or the other way around might make things more difficult. After all, it is more difficult to deal with people when you do not know what they are thinking.
Being friends with your teenage sons and daughters is probably one of the things you could do. Give them your trust. But not all of it. After all, as parents you have to make sure that you still set certain boundaries so that they learn and that even if they fall, they would not be hurt too much with their decisions. Aside from that, being sensitive to their needs is one of the most important things you can do.
Fathers might be too critical of their daughters’ boyfriends or dates. Especially during the prom. Or when there is a spring break party. Maybe that would be the time to take the chance to know these people. Crack jokes in their presence but not at their expense so that they know you are not doing this out of spite. Who knows? Maybe they would be your best buds with whom you will batch NBA.
Photo via Michael Newman
In Gilmore Girls, Lorelai and Rory seem to get along pretty well except for the later seasons. Lorelai had Rory when she was still a teenager so maybe that is why they get along pretty well. Their age gap is not so huge compared to other mother-daughter tandems. They even go out shopping together and borrow each others’ clothes. They talk about their relationships. They joke around like friends.
If you think that this is only possible on TV and only for moms who are not too old for their teenage daughters, think again. There are ways after all.
Start them young.
If your children would know you as someone they could trust and easily talk with, that will make them feel this more consistently. That is why it is good. However, the dilemma is that they might be too clingy later on.
Treat them as adults.
This is especially when they are already teenagers. If they know that you are trying to see them as adults, they would feel better about themselves. As if you are equals, in a way. At least when it comes to deciding on certain things for their own. Especially when it comes to dating. This way, you might even have the chance for some heart-to-heart talks.
Have fun with them.
It is true that you have to be serious with them, especially when it comes to discussing matters. But do things together like shopping, going to the salon or the spa. If your daughter likes sports like soccer or basketball, talk about the athletes and maybe even try playing it. Do not hesitate in having fun with her.
The Gilmore girls are probably not the conventional mother-daughter set up but you sure could learn much from their relationship. We are all humans and this is one thing that the daughters should see in their mothers. If you are too strict and stoic, how could they relate with you after all?
Photo via Summers
Some times our kid’s need a little helping hand in remembering what we ask them to do. If you are a parent of a child who is old enough to start helping out around the house…You will know what I mean.
Some children just do not comprehend and know how to complete tasks from start to finish. So they ask mom or dad over and over how to do whatever it is they are attempting to do.
I thought I would take a moment and list a few things that might be great to put on a child’s list of To Do’s and To Not Do’s. Making a list and posting it in words your child can read will not only help you save all the questions. It will also help you to encourage your child to read.
Toddlers Ages 3 to 5
1. Pick up your toys.
2. Put your toys where they belong.
3. Put your dirty clothes in the hamper.
4. When you are done playing put your things
away.
Kindergartners Ages 5 to 6
1. Pick up your things in your room.
2. Put everything where it should go.
3. Put your dirty clothes in the hamper.
4. Set out your clothes for the next morning.
5. Try and make your bed.
6. Help set the table.
Children Ages 6 to 10
1. Clean your room.
2. Make your bed.
3. Put toys away and other play items.
4. Put dirty clothes in the hamper
5. Help fold and put clean clothes away.
6. Help set the table.
7. Learn to pick up around the front room.
8. Learn to vacuum.
9. Learn to dust and clean surfaces in bathroom.
Children Ages 10 to 12
1. Clean your room.
2. Make your bed.
3. Put belongings away after play or use.
4. Put dirty clothes in hamper.
5. Help fold and put clean clothes away.
6. Set the table and wash dishes.
7. Learn to clean and vacuum front room.
8. Clean the bathroom.
9. Take care of personal belongings.
10. Put your bike away or any outside items.
11. Feed and take care of a pet.
12. Take out the trash.
13. Help around the house.
14. Be willing to learn new things.
Teenagers 13 and up
1. Do all of the above listed things.
2. Help mow the lawn and pick up around the yard.
3. Do extra chores for added allowances.
4. Baby sit as you grow more responsible.
5. Clean the house.
6. Learn to cook a little.
7. Learn to do laundry.
8. Learn the value of money.
9. Do some volunteer work.
Now Don’ts For All Ages.
1. Do not break house rules.
2. Do not talk to strangers.
3. Do not go any place alone or without
your parents permission.
4. Do not disrespect other people.
5. Do not talk back to teachers, parents or
people with authority.
6. Do not leave your bike or belongings in
places they do not belong.
7. Do not go places by your self.
8. Do not leave your mess for others to clean up.
9. Do not hit, kick or bite.
10. Follow all of your parents DO NOT Rules.
I am sure you get the basic idea of what you want your child to do and to not do. Just make up a list and post it on the door. You may want to add a how to clean your room list. It is always helpful to use simple words that the kids understand and can relate too. You may want to show them where the dirty clothes go.
Just a few ideas to help make life a little easier and more pleasant on the home front.
Photo via Chromatic
Does your kid prefer to flop in front of his PS2 with a bag of crisps or take a football and a bag of fruit to the park? Chances are your family falls somewhere between these two extremes, but with concern growing about childhood obesity and the associated increase in the incidence of type II diabetes, high cholesterol readings and later heart disease in our children, the time to introduce healthier lifestyle choices is now.
‘Parents need to recognise the importance of forming good habits in childhood, which will lead to a balanced and enjoyable diet later in life,’ advises Sarah Schenker, a dietitian with the British Nutrition Foundation. ‘Eating a wide variety of foods is the most important thing,’ she adds, ‘and a gentle, consistent approach usually results in a broader eating range.’ Here are some questions to ask yourself.
1. How does your child eat?
2. What would you pack for a picnic or school lunch?
3. How often does your child have sweets?
4. What does your child drink?
5. What do your child’s after-school activities most often include?
6. How much walking do you do as a family?
Photo via SEP Blog
From the get go, Barack Obama made it known just how important his family is to him. Despite being the busy guy that he is, he always makes it a point to set aside time and resources for his wife and two girls. It looks to me that he is quite successful at what he is doing.
Recently, he was interviewed by Essence Magazine, and he talked at length about his stand on parent involvement in regard to raising children. Let me share with you some of the points that struck me the most.
Regulate TV time. So what does the first couple do? The president says that the girls are not allowed to watch TV during school nights. Instead, they have to do their homework first – as soon as they get home actually. When dinner time comes around and they’re still not done, then they continue after. Naturally, this requires diligence AND patience on everyone’s part. I understand this, though, as my parents did the same thing with us, and I’d like to think it worked out pretty well!
Set educational expectations. I think this is one thing that many parents need to work on. We have to draw the line regarding what is expected of the children and what we can do to help them. I have heard about (and seen) so many parents take on the school workload of their children just so things can get done. I can also recount a lot of stories about parents who set very high (often unrealistic) expectations. The trick is in finding the correct balance between giving the child responsibility AND supporting him when necessary. Unfortunately, this is a gray area. Who is to say what the balance is? Here’s a rough guide, according to the President: children must take responsibility for waking up and getting to school on time. They also must take responsibility for routine homework. When it comes to extra projects and other non-routine tasks, perhaps parents can lend a helping hand.
Communicate. This is a way of monitoring how your child is getting along in school. You need to make it a habit to spend time with your child regularly, if only to talk about mundane things. Even better, make it a point to set goals with your child, and then celebrate milestones together.
Isn’t that just a wonderful thing to hear from someone of such stature?
A friend of mine, who is a relatively new mom, was telling me about her 5-month old baby the other day. Naturally, she had all those delightful tales about how adorable her baby is, but she also had the not-so-pleasant stories. One of those was the fact that her baby does not really sleep well at night, especially if she does not sleep beside him. As many more seasoned moms would know, babies generally are ready to sleep for about 4 or 5 hours straight at night when they reach 4 months or so. The trick is in helping or teaching the baby to do it on his/her own. This is what I shared with my friend.
Establish a routine and make sure you follow it. Man is a creature of habit, and babies are no different! At this point, you have to help your baby get used to certain “rituals” at night that will make it easier for him to fall asleep. The tried and tested trick for me is to get the atmosphere right about 20 to 30 minutes before bedtime. Give baby a soothing bath. Turn the lights down (or off, if that works for the baby). Play soft music. Tell a story. Make soothing sounds. These things combined send a signal that it is time for beddybye land. The story telling and soothing sounds really help – your baby relishes the sound of your voice more than you would know. Of course, in the beginning, your baby will still make a fuss and not fall asleep easily. After a week or so of constant practice, though, things should settle down.
Avoid coddling the baby. This is something that is quite hard for some parents to do, especially those who are first-timers. The moment the baby makes a sound, you might be tempted to pick him up immediately. I have learned to do otherwise. Instead of immediately reassuring the baby, wait and see first. For some infants, this kind of response will actually make them stop crying on their own. If this is the case for your baby, then it is a good sign that you can actually “ignore” his cries every now and then, especially if it is time for bed. He may only be seeking for attention and some coddling, which can be ignored when trying to teach him to fall asleep on his own. Of course, you have to observe how this kind of reaction affects your baby.
Expert moms, how did you teach your baby to fall asleep alone?
The world is scary. There is no denying that. As parents, it is quite common to feel the need to shield our children from the horrors of the world. We want to shelter them from the bad elements that are out there. On the other hand, as adults, we also know that one day, they are going to have to face the reality of what goes on outside of our loving home.
Even right now, with the ease of getting information, it is hard to keep our children totally sheltered. Take what happened in Haiti. No parent would want to talk about the difficult time that the people of Haiti (adults and children alike) are going through right now. Then again, our children are bound to find out on their own. More so, this can actually be an opportunity to impart some values to our children. But how do you go about it?
One thing that I consider very important is the age of the child. While I would like my children to know about what goes on in the world, I also think that they have to be a certain age to understand reality. One need not explain human suffering to a 4-year-old! I think that about 7 years old is just about right. At this age, they have a more mature way of understanding things and with the right kind of explanation, they will be able to handle difficult topics better. Of course, there are no absolutes here. You’d have to judge your child’s capabilities on your own.
Another important consideration is to reassure your children that whatever is happening to others right now is NOT happening to them nor is it going to happen to them. That second bit is close to not telling the truth, I know. After all, no one knows what will happen tomorrow! Then again, there is no need to frighten the children more than they probably are. At a riper age, they will certainly find out that the future is as uncertain as can be. For now, they need to hold on to the idea that they are safe and that their parents (us!) are here for them.
Emphasize certain values that you would like your children to learn. Going back to the Haiti issue. You may be far away but this is a great chance to teach the kids to give to others and help. You may not be able to hold a big fundraiser or a similar activity but you can donate as a family to the Red Cross. Little things like these are remembered by children and will stick with them through their adult lives.
Any tips that you might want to share?
I remember the days when the television was NOT the first option to keep children occupied. Back then, there were so many things that children could do in their spare time and not bother mommy or daddy. Today, it is sad to say that many parents (and even nannies) turn to the black box to keep the children quiet and behaved. Now I am not saying that the TV is all bad. We do have a lot of good shows for children, and with DVDs being the norm, we have even more choices on hand.
Still, I am a firm believer in engaging children in other activities and not letting the TV run their lives. While I find the TV useful and entertaining, I also think that children should be exposed to many other activities. There is a whole world of ideas and values to be learned in so many other ways, don’t you think? So, here’s a list of my alternatives to watching TV.
Stickers! There is no doubt about it – children LOVE stickers. Both boys and girls have this thing for stickers so you really should stock up on them. There are a lot of stickers that you can buy in bookstores – whenever you see some that you think your children would like, just grab a bunch. Also make sure that you have a blank notebook where your children could put the stickers. Otherwise, you might end up with stickers on the walls, on the furniture, and even the fish tank! To encourage creativity, tell your children to make up their own story with the stickers. Another idea is to buy sticker books. They have all sorts of themes – dinosaurs, gadgets, and more. Choose the ones that will interest your children and bring the books out when necessary.
Match colors…sock colors, that it. With several children in the house, I have tons of socks to pair up after washing. Instead of doing it myself, I can actually enlist the kids’ help. Toddlers who know the basic colors are excellent helpers. Just ask them to pick out matching pairs and put them together. Older kids will even be able to wrap or bind them up together. That’s killing two birds with one stone, don’t you think?
Audio books! I love to read and I love listening to audio books. I think my children should have the same passion as well. With any mp3 player, they can listen to all the stories they want. It’s better than TV because listening to stories can help sharpen their imagination as well as their comprehension skills.
So what’s on your list of activities?
“Who’s Jack?” my 7-year-old daughter asked when she saw me writing this post. Of course I was referring to the “spooky” carved pumpkin perched on our front gate, who I’m afraid is starting to get mouldy. So what to do with poor old Jack, now that Halloween has come and gone?
1. Take him to a Pumpkin Party! - My kids will definitely love this option the best, only thing is that we don’t live anywhere near the Pumpkin Party Mecca, Sorauren Park in Toronto. Here, the pumpkins get a second lease on life and join a fantastic parade. Check out the rather wonderful photo above.
3. Have A Smashing Party! – Remember the 90′s grunge band? I do, so why not throw a Smashing Pumpkins party which is also nice for grown-ups who have a little stress to release. I wouldn’t go for the grunge, but rather, Martha Stewart, who has some fab ideas for a party like this (that is, if you still have energy after the Halloween revelry!).
3. Compost Jack – For eco-friendly Moms, this is a great option, and good way to get your kids outside and dirty! Here’s how. Be warned- there’s a bit of prep work involved.
4. Bury Jack – Last but not least, if your weary-from-packing-away-the-decorations-and-candy body can’t manage the composting plan, you could simply dig Jack in the garden. It beats the trash and I’ve been told he enriches the soil.
Next year, I think I’ll try some of the tricks these guys at My Science Project did. They did an experiment to see what would help pumpkins last the longest. The winner? Make a guess!
Photo via Torontoist
It’s been busier than usual, what with the school runs (oh why oh why did I join the PTA?), activity runs, Mommy-and-baby classes, renovating our new house, buying food, cooking the food…you get the picture. So I decided to take a breather yesterday and spend a couple of hours on ME, having a much needed wax and mani/pedi. It did wonders for my Halloween-weary soul, so please Make the time for yourself, Moms!
Anyway, after my rejuvenating little spa session, I decided to go full-steam-ahead with my Halloween party planning (a tradition I started with a good friend last year), with a mantra to keep in mind:
Keep it Small and Keep it Simple!
Last year, we went all out, spent far too much money and even if the kids had a fantastic time, we guiltily knew that they would have had an equally fab time with less of pretty much everything. And that goes for our planning time too!
So this year, here’s what we’re doing:
1. The E-Invites – Why waste trees, time and money when you can send a totally free, totally cute e-invite in no time at all? My internet savvy sister directed me to this terrific site, which enabled me to make the most adorable e-vite in about 15 minutes (check out the image I used above). It allowed me to access the email addresses from my account, and does RSVP-ing too- so easy! Oh, and most importantly we kept the number of guests down – 15 or less, including our own.
2. The Decor – This was an easy one – use last year’s!! Borrowing is also an option, as I’m sure you’ll friend plenty of relatives or friends willing to part with a few pumpkins, spiders and the like for one afternoon.
3. The Food and Drink – The kids would rather play games, do activities or simply run amok, so we kept food simple with 2 dishes and a drink each to provide. Another good reason to do it with a friend! Much as I melt at the scary cuteness in dishes like these, we’re keeping the spooky food theme to a minimum, because some of the smaller and fussier kids probably won’t get it or worse, eat it! Also, most of our very nice Mom friends sent their kids with something anyway, like last year some kids arrived with a couple of boxes of pizza, chocolate cake and little bags of treats!
4. The Activities and Games – This is the part my kids most look forward to, and can also be the most emotional! Since the ages of kids will be varying from 2-7, we picked just 4 games, two of which are “team” kinds, so the big ones can help the little ones rather than them winning everything! Spooky twists on old classics are the key here, like the “Black Cat Boogie” (musical chairs) and “Skeletons and Pumpkins Hunt” (scavenger hunt, but in the dark!). A couple of activities like pumpkin decorating (real or less messily done as a craft with cardboard and paint) and/or party masks are fun too especially for those kids who shy away from competitive games. This happily doubles up as something they can take home! I also like to have a “quiet” area, with a nice Halloween video playing and a few toys, coloring pages (print out 3 or so yourself and photocopy) and cutting pages, for the littler ones or kids just needing a breather from all the excitement.
Photo via anjanettew
