From the get go, Barack Obama made it known just how important his family is to him. Despite being the busy guy that he is, he always makes it a point to set aside time and resources for his wife and two girls. It looks to me that he is quite successful at what he is doing.
Recently, he was interviewed by Essence Magazine, and he talked at length about his stand on parent involvement in regard to raising children. Let me share with you some of the points that struck me the most.
Regulate TV time. So what does the first couple do? The president says that the girls are not allowed to watch TV during school nights. Instead, they have to do their homework first – as soon as they get home actually. When dinner time comes around and they’re still not done, then they continue after. Naturally, this requires diligence AND patience on everyone’s part. I understand this, though, as my parents did the same thing with us, and I’d like to think it worked out pretty well!
Set educational expectations. I think this is one thing that many parents need to work on. We have to draw the line regarding what is expected of the children and what we can do to help them. I have heard about (and seen) so many parents take on the school workload of their children just so things can get done. I can also recount a lot of stories about parents who set very high (often unrealistic) expectations. The trick is in finding the correct balance between giving the child responsibility AND supporting him when necessary. Unfortunately, this is a gray area. Who is to say what the balance is? Here’s a rough guide, according to the President: children must take responsibility for waking up and getting to school on time. They also must take responsibility for routine homework. When it comes to extra projects and other non-routine tasks, perhaps parents can lend a helping hand.
Communicate. This is a way of monitoring how your child is getting along in school. You need to make it a habit to spend time with your child regularly, if only to talk about mundane things. Even better, make it a point to set goals with your child, and then celebrate milestones together.
Isn’t that just a wonderful thing to hear from someone of such stature?
A friend of mine, who is a relatively new mom, was telling me about her 5-month old baby the other day. Naturally, she had all those delightful tales about how adorable her baby is, but she also had the not-so-pleasant stories. One of those was the fact that her baby does not really sleep well at night, especially if she does not sleep beside him. As many more seasoned moms would know, babies generally are ready to sleep for about 4 or 5 hours straight at night when they reach 4 months or so. The trick is in helping or teaching the baby to do it on his/her own. This is what I shared with my friend.
Establish a routine and make sure you follow it. Man is a creature of habit, and babies are no different! At this point, you have to help your baby get used to certain “rituals” at night that will make it easier for him to fall asleep. The tried and tested trick for me is to get the atmosphere right about 20 to 30 minutes before bedtime. Give baby a soothing bath. Turn the lights down (or off, if that works for the baby). Play soft music. Tell a story. Make soothing sounds. These things combined send a signal that it is time for beddybye land. The story telling and soothing sounds really help – your baby relishes the sound of your voice more than you would know. Of course, in the beginning, your baby will still make a fuss and not fall asleep easily. After a week or so of constant practice, though, things should settle down.
Avoid coddling the baby. This is something that is quite hard for some parents to do, especially those who are first-timers. The moment the baby makes a sound, you might be tempted to pick him up immediately. I have learned to do otherwise. Instead of immediately reassuring the baby, wait and see first. For some infants, this kind of response will actually make them stop crying on their own. If this is the case for your baby, then it is a good sign that you can actually “ignore” his cries every now and then, especially if it is time for bed. He may only be seeking for attention and some coddling, which can be ignored when trying to teach him to fall asleep on his own. Of course, you have to observe how this kind of reaction affects your baby.
Expert moms, how did you teach your baby to fall asleep alone?
The world is scary. There is no denying that. As parents, it is quite common to feel the need to shield our children from the horrors of the world. We want to shelter them from the bad elements that are out there. On the other hand, as adults, we also know that one day, they are going to have to face the reality of what goes on outside of our loving home.
Even right now, with the ease of getting information, it is hard to keep our children totally sheltered. Take what happened in Haiti. No parent would want to talk about the difficult time that the people of Haiti (adults and children alike) are going through right now. Then again, our children are bound to find out on their own. More so, this can actually be an opportunity to impart some values to our children. But how do you go about it?
One thing that I consider very important is the age of the child. While I would like my children to know about what goes on in the world, I also think that they have to be a certain age to understand reality. One need not explain human suffering to a 4-year-old! I think that about 7 years old is just about right. At this age, they have a more mature way of understanding things and with the right kind of explanation, they will be able to handle difficult topics better. Of course, there are no absolutes here. You’d have to judge your child’s capabilities on your own.
Another important consideration is to reassure your children that whatever is happening to others right now is NOT happening to them nor is it going to happen to them. That second bit is close to not telling the truth, I know. After all, no one knows what will happen tomorrow! Then again, there is no need to frighten the children more than they probably are. At a riper age, they will certainly find out that the future is as uncertain as can be. For now, they need to hold on to the idea that they are safe and that their parents (us!) are here for them.
Emphasize certain values that you would like your children to learn. Going back to the Haiti issue. You may be far away but this is a great chance to teach the kids to give to others and help. You may not be able to hold a big fundraiser or a similar activity but you can donate as a family to the Red Cross. Little things like these are remembered by children and will stick with them through their adult lives.
Any tips that you might want to share?
I remember the days when the television was NOT the first option to keep children occupied. Back then, there were so many things that children could do in their spare time and not bother mommy or daddy. Today, it is sad to say that many parents (and even nannies) turn to the black box to keep the children quiet and behaved. Now I am not saying that the TV is all bad. We do have a lot of good shows for children, and with DVDs being the norm, we have even more choices on hand.
Still, I am a firm believer in engaging children in other activities and not letting the TV run their lives. While I find the TV useful and entertaining, I also think that children should be exposed to many other activities. There is a whole world of ideas and values to be learned in so many other ways, don’t you think? So, here’s a list of my alternatives to watching TV.
Stickers! There is no doubt about it – children LOVE stickers. Both boys and girls have this thing for stickers so you really should stock up on them. There are a lot of stickers that you can buy in bookstores – whenever you see some that you think your children would like, just grab a bunch. Also make sure that you have a blank notebook where your children could put the stickers. Otherwise, you might end up with stickers on the walls, on the furniture, and even the fish tank! To encourage creativity, tell your children to make up their own story with the stickers. Another idea is to buy sticker books. They have all sorts of themes – dinosaurs, gadgets, and more. Choose the ones that will interest your children and bring the books out when necessary.
Match colors…sock colors, that it. With several children in the house, I have tons of socks to pair up after washing. Instead of doing it myself, I can actually enlist the kids’ help. Toddlers who know the basic colors are excellent helpers. Just ask them to pick out matching pairs and put them together. Older kids will even be able to wrap or bind them up together. That’s killing two birds with one stone, don’t you think?
Audio books! I love to read and I love listening to audio books. I think my children should have the same passion as well. With any mp3 player, they can listen to all the stories they want. It’s better than TV because listening to stories can help sharpen their imagination as well as their comprehension skills.
So what’s on your list of activities?
“Who’s Jack?” my 7-year-old daughter asked when she saw me writing this post. Of course I was referring to the “spooky” carved pumpkin perched on our front gate, who I’m afraid is starting to get mouldy. So what to do with poor old Jack, now that Halloween has come and gone?
1. Take him to a Pumpkin Party! - My kids will definitely love this option the best, only thing is that we don’t live anywhere near the Pumpkin Party Mecca, Sorauren Park in Toronto. Here, the pumpkins get a second lease on life and join a fantastic parade. Check out the rather wonderful photo above.
3. Have A Smashing Party! – Remember the 90’s grunge band? I do, so why not throw a Smashing Pumpkins party which is also nice for grown-ups who have a little stress to release. I wouldn’t go for the grunge, but rather, Martha Stewart, who has some fab ideas for a party like this (that is, if you still have energy after the Halloween revelry!).
3. Compost Jack – For eco-friendly Moms, this is a great option, and good way to get your kids outside and dirty! Here’s how. Be warned- there’s a bit of prep work involved.
4. Bury Jack – Last but not least, if your weary-from-packing-away-the-decorations-and-candy body can’t manage the composting plan, you could simply dig Jack in the garden. It beats the trash and I’ve been told he enriches the soil.
Next year, I think I’ll try some of the tricks these guys at My Science Project did. They did an experiment to see what would help pumpkins last the longest. The winner? Make a guess!
It’s been busier than usual, what with the school runs (oh why oh why did I join the PTA?), activity runs, Mommy-and-baby classes, renovating our new house, buying food, cooking the food…you get the picture. So I decided to take a breather yesterday and spend a couple of hours on ME, having a much needed wax and mani/pedi. It did wonders for my Halloween-weary soul, so please Make the time for yourself, Moms!
Anyway, after my rejuvenating little spa session, I decided to go full-steam-ahead with my Halloween party planning (a tradition I started with a good friend last year), with a mantra to keep in mind:
Keep it Small and Keep it Simple!
Last year, we went all out, spent far too much money and even if the kids had a fantastic time, we guiltily knew that they would have had an equally fab time with less of pretty much everything. And that goes for our planning time too!
So this year, here’s what we’re doing:
1. The E-Invites – Why waste trees, time and money when you can send a totally free, totally cute e-invite in no time at all? My internet savvy sister directed me to this terrific site, which enabled me to make the most adorable e-vite in about 15 minutes (check out the image I used above). It allowed me to access the email addresses from my account, and does RSVP-ing too- so easy! Oh, and most importantly we kept the number of guests down – 15 or less, including our own.
2. The Decor – This was an easy one – use last year’s!! Borrowing is also an option, as I’m sure you’ll friend plenty of relatives or friends willing to part with a few pumpkins, spiders and the like for one afternoon.
3. The Food and Drink – The kids would rather play games, do activities or simply run amok, so we kept food simple with 2 dishes and a drink each to provide. Another good reason to do it with a friend! Much as I melt at the scary cuteness in dishes like these, we’re keeping the spooky food theme to a minimum, because some of the smaller and fussier kids probably won’t get it or worse, eat it! Also, most of our very nice Mom friends sent their kids with something anyway, like last year some kids arrived with a couple of boxes of pizza, chocolate cake and little bags of treats!
4. The Activities and Games – This is the part my kids most look forward to, and can also be the most emotional! Since the ages of kids will be varying from 2-7, we picked just 4 games, two of which are “team” kinds, so the big ones can help the little ones rather than them winning everything! Spooky twists on old classics are the key here, like the “Black Cat Boogie” (musical chairs) and “Skeletons and Pumpkins Hunt” (scavenger hunt, but in the dark!). A couple of activities like pumpkin decorating (real or less messily done as a craft with cardboard and paint) and/or party masks are fun too especially for those kids who shy away from competitive games. This happily doubles up as something they can take home! I also like to have a “quiet” area, with a nice Halloween video playing and a few toys, coloring pages (print out 3 or so yourself and photocopy) and cutting pages, for the littler ones or kids just needing a breather from all the excitement.
At our Halloween party last year the best costumes were definitely Bloody Mary and the Boy-with-pencils-stabbed-into-his-head-and-body (also extremely bloody). They were the kids of a frugal and creative friend of mine, who proudly made the costumes herself, spending very little and putting the rest of our store-bought outfits to shame. I admit that I love surfing the web (months in advance, like an obsessed woman) for Halloween costumes, but when I think about how much I actually spend for these costumes to be used once or twice (or more if you get the younger siblings to re-use), it really isn’t funny.
The other day I thought I’d go through all the costumes/dress-up items we had, and we had three very large plastic boxes filled to the brim. Far too much. None of them were homemade of course, since I am completely talentless when it comes to sewing of any kind. If you must know, I actually hate it! But as one of my mantras this new year (it was my birthday last week) is to SAVE money and SPEND less, I am really really going to try and get creative with some homemade costumes this year.
Here’s what I found online, with a few of my favorite ones (fun and easy!):
1. The Robot – My 4-year-old son loves robots, and this is great for using recycled items around the house. You can go on the high side with spending (one parent spent $40 making one), but this “Candybot” seems easy and thrifty enough. With used boxes of different sizes, some paint and maybe some tin foil, a homemade robot could be yours for the taking!
2. The Dorothy – Ok, so this is an Ebay item, but still great I think. The Wizard of Oz is beloved in our household, and I thoroughly approve of a timeless costume like Dorothy, rather than some TV star who probably will be forgotten by next year. And with its unbeatable price of $5, including the ruby slippers and D’s wig, I say it’s a fab purchase.
3. The Lego Boy (or Girl) – Which kid doesn’t like LEGO? I like how you’ll be able to find your child easily in the sea of Halloween costumes. And there’s a big chance little brother or little sister will want to use this one again. It takes less than an hour (I kid you not) to make this bright little number, so no excuses for us busy Moms!
4. The Mummy – When a little boy swathed in bandages came trick-or-treating at my house last year I thought it was the cutest thing. It’s one of those costumes that are incredibly cheap, easy and pack a good punch! Simply buy (borrow or beg) gauze or bandage rolls, apply, and hey presto! You have an authentic yet spooky costume. Add a bit of red paint and grey makeup and things get even scarier!
5. Cheap and Cheerful – You can actually spend NOTHING at all this Halloween by going with the old Charlie Brown classic – the white bed sheet with holes. How charmingly retro! For more costs-next-to-nothing ideas, the Dollar Stretcher has some very simple tips – like a Nerd (her son won first prize with this!), Angel (use the same ghost’s sheet and make a halo with kitchen foil) and the very cute Heart playing cards made from cardboard and cut-out hearts! Would be perfect for twins, I think.
6. More Ideas Like Making Fake Blood- For lots more simple ideas you can do in mere minutes (from Rappers to Deviled Eggs), and making your own props (like no-sew capes, hooray!) and makeup, this page from Mahalo is a veritable one-stop resource for all of the above.
7. Ask For Donations! – Now here’s an idea that’s nice for Mom (and the Earth), but might not fly so well with the offspring. If a family member or friend asked me if they could borrow a Halloween costume for their kid, maybe something one of my kids have outgrown, I’d happily say yes. A chance to recycle and free up space at home! So ask around and chances are you’ll get a great costume thats only been worn once or twice. Borrowing might have a better success rate with under 3’s, but I say give it a whirl anyway.
Halloween is my favorite holiday (after Christmas, of course!), so the next few weeks will be all about spooky ideas, tips and treats to make our little ones’ Halloween the best one yet. This week, I have a guest post from Kelly Rockey who writes about Halloween costumes over at Star Costumes. It’s all about safety – probably the most important thing we parents have to think about when getting our kids ready for Halloween. Thanks, Kelly!
It’s that time of year when your little ones turn into goblins and witches and head out in search of Halloween treats! We all want Halloween to be a happy and safe holiday for our kids, but sometimes with the excitement of the season kids can be less than careful. Using these simple safety tips can help you make the most of the Halloween season and keep your children safe at the same time.
1. Pick a Safe Costume – Help your child pick out a costume that will help keep them safe by making sure it has a few key characteristics. Make sure it is fireproof and that vision is not obstructed with small eye holes. Make sure there are no long capes, strings, or hems on the costume that the child can trip on. Bright colors can help them be seen at night; if they are wearing a dark colored costume make sure they are carrying a light or you can affix glow in the dark tape strips onto the costume.
2. Practice Pumpkin Safety – When carving pumpkins all children love to help, here’s how to let them help safely. Do not let them use a sharp knife to cut into a pumpkin. For older children there are plastic saw-type knives on the market. For younger children just have them scoop out the gunk and then draw a face on it for you to cut for them. When placing the pumpkin out with a candle, make sure that it is out of the way enough that your child’s costume doesn’t brush by it and accidentally catch on fire. Or better yet there are “flameless” LED lights on the market now that are completely safe and look realistic. Another option is to use a glow stick for an eerie but safe glow.
3. Keep Their Props in Check – If your child’s costume requires them to carry an ax, pitchfork, butcher knife, or the like then you must make sure that the tips are smooth and flexible enough to not cause injury if fallen on. Also teach your child to never swing at or hit anybody with their prop.
4. Safe Candy is Yummy Candy – Always inspect your child’s candy before letting them eat it. Do not let them eat any candy that has open or broken wrappers. Always trick or treat in a familiar neighborhood so you know where your child’s treats are coming from. Feed your child a spooky Halloween dinner before going out trick or treating so they are less likely to eat their candy before you have a chance to check it.
5. Basic Safety for Halloween and Everyday – To make trick or treating as safe as possible make sure that your children know basic everyday safety such as looking both ways before crossing the street, never getting into a strangers car, and not talking to strangers. Also never let your children go out trick or treating without a responsible adult or teenager to chaperone them.
The new school year is upon us, and it’s every parent’s mealtime (and lunchbox) crusade – getting your kids to eat healthier. Well, its mine at least. Easy(ish) when they’re young and they pretty much eat anything you put in front of them. Not so easy when school starts and they discover a whole new world – like their classmate’s lunch boxes filled with no-no’s like soda and Doritos.
When my 3 kids were babies I started them all of with what I think is the Bible of healthy-baby-eating, The Super Baby Food Book. Well, I admit that it got to a lesser degree with #2, but with #3 came the the advent of commercial organic baby food, which made things a lot easier. Whether you are a DIY Mom like Ruth of the Super Baby Book (who also makes her own Play Dough, mind you), or prefer to buy from the organic aisle at the supermarket, know that giving your kids a healthy diet now means setting up their foundations for a healthy life. Now isn’t that a worthwhile mission?
Here are my tips on how to help you get started (and hopefully keep going!):
1. Teach Them About Health
My Mom did this for my sister and I (she was and still is what you would call a “health nut”), and I have to say that it stuck. Explain to your kids WHY certain foods are good or bad for you and you’ll be surprised how well they’ll respond. I try and use language they understand like: “…healthy food like fruit and vegetables helps you get bigger and stronger, but also makes your “soldiers” strong to fight bad germs so you don’t get sick“. There are a few kids shows now which touch on this, as well as books. Read/watch and talk about it with them and be prepared to answer their questions.
2. Vegetarian Meals= Budget meals
Yes, its true! Add a vegetarian meal or two to your weekly menu and see how much you can save. It’s a known fact that fresh produce is significantly cheaper than meats (which are some of the costliest food items in stores), so by serving say, a vegetarian lasagna rather than the “al forno” with beef, you not only give your kids a veggie-filled nutritious meal, you also save on the weekly budget (yipee!), plus it’s good for the planet. Why? read about vegatarianism and the environment here.
3. Make it Fun!
My kids and I like to play quick games like guessing which food is “healthy or not”. For example, what’s better? french fries or apple slices with cinnamon? (Okay, so my husband doesn’t join in and prefers to roll his eyes- but WE enjoy it!). The winner gets a small prize like stickers. You can also make healthy food attractive and fun by using a cookie cutter to make shapes and adding “faces” (raisins and sliced red pepper make easy instant characters). Brit Mom turned kid-food guru, Anabel Karmel is a total wiz at this and I love her cookbooks.
4. Go Organic
Finding organic food is really easy these days, and the health benefits are huge. Would you prefer to feed your kids things without harmful chemicals and pesticides? With more nutrients and vitamins? I would. It’s a really simple choice, and really worth the extra effort.
5. Plan Ahead and Cook More, Mom!
I really believe that planning ahead, being organized and cooking yourself is the key to healthier eating. Look online for new healthy recipes to try (you can get the kids to help choose here), add more fruit and veg to your meals, and take a few minutes every Sunday to plan healthy weekly menus- this really helps keep me in budget too!
Let’s face it. One of the things we parents have to deal with is our kids getting sick or injured. It’s a part of growing up, especially if you have accident-prone kids like I do.
My four-year-old Ollie gets a bump/wound/scratch almost daily, and a few months ago had a bad accident in our garden where he cut his head open and was rushed to the ER. While playing with his big sister, he fell through the fence constructed by our handyman and nearly fell into our pool (which had just been cleaned out and empty). He was grabbed just in time by the handyman, so didn’t fall into the pool but slammed his head on the tile. My husband saw the whole thing and was going to kill the handyman for his shoddy work (it wasn’t nailed in properly), but he did save Ollie’s life…so it was a hard one. Luckily Ollie didn’t need stitches and aside from my husband being covered in blood ala Carrie, it turned out to be a minor injury. It could have been much much worse though, so we are grateful and have since taken extra precautions to make sure that all areas in our home were safe. Ollie was feeing a bit traumatized for the next few days (as were all of us), but I think he’s recovered now.
Here are some great tips from After The Injury, a really useful website for parents who have to deal with their child’s injuries. Whether your child’s injury is big or small, it helps to remember these things so that your child recovers faster.
While doctors know that injury prevention is the best “medicine,” the sad truth is that kids still do get hurt- lots of them- even with the most vigilant parents. In fact, 9.2 million children are treated in an emergency room for an injury each year, making it equally important for parents to know how to handle what happens after the injury.
1. Let your child know that he or she is safe. In the first days and weeks following an injury many children fear that something bad might happen to them again. Learn more about helping your child with new fears or worries.
2. Allow children to talk about their feelings and worries, if they want to. Let your child know that it’s ok to feel a little upset. The circumstances of an injury can be frightening, and it’s not always easy to know how to talk with your child about it. Here are some things that other parents have found helpful for talking with their child.
3. Go back to normal routines. It is important to help your child get plenty of sleep, eat regular meals, keep up with schoolwork, and spend time with friends. Here are some options to consider if the injury gets in the way of things s/he used to do.
4. Increase time with family and friends. Children who get support from family and friends seem to do better in recovering after upsetting events. Try reading together, playing games, or watching movies together. Listen to what some parents had to say about how to help their children remain connected after an injury.
5. Take time to deal with your own feelings. In addition to all of the things you do to help your child, it’s important to remember to take good care of yourself. Learn more about your own reactions and get tips for taking care of yourself.
6. Keep in mind people in the same family can react in different ways. Your child’s feelings and worries about the injury might be different from yours. It’s important to monitor how your child is doing and when reactions might signal trouble. Learn how to gauge your child’s emotional recovery and identify any reactions that might need special attention.
Visit After the Injury to read full tip sheets, learn more about child injury and pain care, take a quiz to rate your child’s reactions to injury, and create a personalized care plan to help parents help their child recover from injury.
