I’m not exactly sure why (hormones, fatigue, aches and pains?), but every time I am pregnant I become very angry. Not all day, and thankfully not at my husband or kids (well, not all of the time), but lets just say I have a short fuse and if anyone makes my day more difficult, woe betide them. With #4 on the way, and the other 3 under age 9, I have a lot going on. So for instance, when a sales clerk (who obviously would rather be texting her boyfriend) can’t be bothered to look for something I just know they have, or a rude lady cuts the line at the grocery checkout or the bank ….my swollen feet stamp on the ground and I see red. I know, these are all small things, but when I’m pregnant, they really don’t seem small at all.
A good friend of mine, K, who recently gave birth to her #3, fired 2 of her staff when she was pregnant. She also admitted to being an angry pregnant woman, and I vividly remember her getting ticked off with someone at the mall practically every time we went shopping together. It was pretty scary because these people are totally defenseless against a heavily pregnant woman. Now that K is back to her sweet old self, I’ve become the dragon lady, in my 4th fire-breathing incarnation. The poor husbands who have to live with this Mrs.Hyde syndrome have to get some sympathy. On our last family holiday, I fumed at our travel agent (who failed to book 3 child meals after I reminded her twice), the hotel receptionist and flight attendant to name a few. By the end of the trip (remind me again WHY its a good idea to travel in your 2nd trim?), hubby said I had to relax and try not to work myself up into a fury every time things don’t go well.
And he’s right. After a bit of web digging, I found that there are prenatal anger effects on the fetus and neonate. One study showed that one hundred and sixty-six women were classified as experiencing high or low anger during the second trimester of pregnancy, and the babies of Moms who showed the high anger were prone to bad sleeping patterns and so on. Whether or not that’s true, I don’t know. What I do know is that I’ve been angry with all of my pregnancies, and all of my kids happy and healthy – equally different in good ways and bad.
It doesn’t hurt though to curb that anger, which can’t be a good thing pregnant or not. Parenting mag gives some sound advice:
If you find you’re frequently furious, try:
* Walking away. Avoid discussions that’ll only make your blood boil — tell the offending party that you’re feeling sensitive and you would rather not talk about the issue. Then give yourself a half-hour and take a stroll, whether it’s around the office or around the block.
* Staying active. Swimming, tennis, walking, gardening — many types of regular exercise can keep your hostility barometer in check while helping to relieve physical discomforts.
* Writing it out. It can be very cathartic to vent on paper — through journal entries, poems, or outrageously nasty letters that you never mail.
* Taking a mental health break. Whether it’s a day off work or a two-hour escape from the kids, pamper yourself: Get a facial, see a movie, buy a pair of shoes.
* Seeking professional help. If you find your anger is making it hard to function, consider talking to a therapist.
Ever noticed how kids will keep pestering you just when you are intent on doing something. The more engrossed you are, the more they will bug you. You just want an hour to enjoy your game and they want to play it for you. It can be annoying!
Truth is they just want to be part of what you’re doing. If you are having fun, they want to have fun with you. If you enjoy cooking, they will try and enjoy it too. They love helping you decorate for christmas. They’ll even try to help wrap presents.
Of course there are times that you have to say no but before you tell them they can’t why not check if there is someway they can take part. For example, you’re busy in the kitchen getting dinner ready and you don’t really want them around your knives. How about just having them peel the veggies or wash the potatoes.
If you’re painting, why not give your kid a paintbrush too and assign him his own corner to color? He may not do as big a space as you and his corner may not be as even but that is easily taken care of.
Do you love word games, the crosswords maybe? Get a book of word puzzles that the two of you can do together. Invite him to bring his puzzles to where you sit and you can sit companionably together as you each solve your games.
These may seem like small things for them to do but the effect on them is huge. Kids love to “help out”. Let them and watch as they amaze you with what they can do.
Studies show that girls turn away from sports and fitness once they reach the teen years. So how do we keep our daughters as interested in keeping fit as our sons keep?
It’s important to teach our children that fitness is a lifestyle choice, and that keeping fit is a life-long endeavor. For boys this lesson isn’t as difficult, but studies show that girls are less likely to remain physically active once they reach adolescence. Judy Notay, an education fitness consultant, says girls lack of interest in fitness during the teen years is quite dramatic. “With girls and physical activity there definitely is a drop when they hit around twelve to thirteen. Studies show that there’s a real dramatic drop in team sports. Girls need to be in a social, team-driven, fun environment, and with girls only.”
We can help our daughters remain physically active by role modeling and by seeing that our schools provide fitness programs that reflect the interests of girls. Rick Bell, professor of Physical Education at the University of Victoria believes that girls are less active than boys are because it’s “a reflection of what’s happening in our schools. Girls are indicating that the curriculum is not reflecting what they want in types of activities, and the manner in which competition is a part of many activities is contrary to what many girls feel is important.”
Professor Bell says many schools are beginning to offer physical education programs for girls that grab their interest. “I know of many schools that have developed dance programs, modern, jazz, tap and social dance programs, and schools that have a prominent aerobic dance program and outdoor education programs. These are programs that typically get children very active in different settings and have been very popular in getting more and more young women involved in physical activity.”
If you’re looking for a fitness program for your daughter outside of the school setting here’s what to keep in mind says Notay. “When you’re looking for a program for your daughter make sure it’s girls only, that the activity will ensure success because it meets their skill level, and that the person running the program is very positive and understands girl’s needs. Also get a group of girls together to try something new. Then they feel safer than being on their own trying something new.”
Physical activity helps our children cope with stress, prevents disease and provides fun and socialization. While helping your daughter find the right fitness program can be a little daunting, there’s no doubt it’s worth the effort.
Sorting and Nesting Toys: Toddlers love to sort, stack, unsort, unstack, and basically reorganize their lives. Sorting and nesting toys are great fun for those who are trying out their early problem-solving skills.
Climbing Gym: A tiny gym can give your toddler a safe place to climb, hide, slide, and practice all her emerging motor skills – over and over again. But these sets can also be pricey and are quickly outgrown.
Balls: Any ball that’s easy to grasp will be a hit with this group – underinflated beach balls, vinyl balls, cloth balls. Stay away from foam balls that could end up as a mouthful. This is the age at which you can introduce your child to “catch.” Start slowly – she’ll begin to get the back-and-forth rhythm with some practice.
Washable Crayons and Paper: Let the scribbling begin! Hand your toddler no more than a couple of crayons at a time – you don’t want to overwhelm her – and tape the paper to the floor so she can make her mark without dragging the paper along with her.
Ride-On Vehicles: This mode of self-locomotion may be even more popular than walking. Many small ride-on toys have models with handles for an adult to push when the child gets tired. Avoid the electronic versions – they’re expensive and take away from the fun of getting around under your own power.
Tool Bench or Toy Kitchen: Junior fix-it kids or aspiring chefs will get hours of play out of plastic or wooden models scaled to their size. Sets like these give a child a chance to emulate the things he sees adults doing, and they’ll continue to hold his interest for several months as his play gets more sophisticated.
Picture Books: Your toddler will enjoy more advanced picture books showing familiar objects and activities. She may also start to take pride in her own library and the chance to pick out a favorite for you to read.
Chances are your toddler is really taking off these days – and as you chase his little body down the street, you may miss the days before he learned to use her legs so well. “Active” is an apt way to describe him now, and him likes any toy or game that allows him to throw his whole self into it – balls, swings, and tiny climbing sets, to name a few.
His hands are becoming more coordinated, too, and he can now use toy sorters more efficiently, build even greater block towers, and scribble a drawing. His play involves lots of experimentation, like “What happens if I drop this ball?” or “What happens if pull this lever?” He’s very interested in the consequences of her actions, and because his memory isn’t well developed she won’t tire of repetition. Toddlers also like to try out what they see adults doing, so look for toys that imitate daily life.
Large Building Bricks: These light cardboard bricks are big enough to stack up into a fort or wall, or any other way your toddler wants. But the most satisfying part of the process continues to be the finale – when the walls come tumbling down.
Push and Pull Toys: Heavily weighted push toys can give your beginner something to lean into as she motors around your home. Wagons can be ideal. Pull toys are for slightly advanced walkers who can look behind them as they move forward. Give them something to look at: Pull toys that flap, bobble, squeak, or in any other way make a scene are favorites.
Do you have teenage sons and daughters? That is such a challenging thing. Imagine all those hormones raging out of your sons and daughters. That is why some parents get terribly paranoid about letting them go out. They think of the possibility of those teenagers having relationships that might be sexual in nature.
One of the things that would be important in this stage is communication. The teens, being in high school, they are subject to peer pressure. They are probably confused about their identities as not quite adults but not kids anymore. Shutting them out or the other way around might make things more difficult. After all, it is more difficult to deal with people when you do not know what they are thinking.
Being friends with your teenage sons and daughters is probably one of the things you could do. Give them your trust. But not all of it. After all, as parents you have to make sure that you still set certain boundaries so that they learn and that even if they fall, they would not be hurt too much with their decisions. Aside from that, being sensitive to their needs is one of the most important things you can do.
Fathers might be too critical of their daughters’ boyfriends or dates. Especially during the prom. Or when there is a spring break party. Maybe that would be the time to take the chance to know these people. Crack jokes in their presence but not at their expense so that they know you are not doing this out of spite. Who knows? Maybe they would be your best buds with whom you will batch NBA.
In Gimore Girls, Lorelai and Rory seem to get along pretty well except for the later seasons. Lorelai had Rory when she was still a teenager so maybe that is why they get along pretty well. Their age gap is not so huge compared to other mother-daughter tandems. They even go out shopping together and borrow each others’ clothes. They talk about their relationships. They joke around like friends.
If you think that this is only possible on TV and only for moms who are not too old for their teenage daughters, think again. There are ways after all.
Start them young.
If your children would know you as someone they could trust and easily talk with, that will make them feel this more consistently. That is why it is good. However, the dilemma is that they might be too clingy later on.
Treat them as adults.
This is especially when they are already teenagers. If they know that you are trying to see them as adults, they would feel better about themselves. As if you are equals, in a way. At least when it comes to deciding on certain things for their own. Especially when it comes to dating. This way, you might even have the chance for some heart-to-heart talks.
Have fun with them.
It is true that you have to be serious with them, especially when it comes to discussing matters. But do things together like shopping, going to the salon or the spa. If your daughter likes sports like soccer or basketball, talk about the athletes and maybe even try playing it. Do not hesitate in having fun with her.
The Gilmore girls are probably not the conventional mother-daughter set up but you sure could learn much from their relationship. We are all humans and this is one thing that the daughters should see in their mothers. If you are too strict and stoic, how could they relate with you after all?
Some times our kid’s need a little helping hand in remembering what we ask them to do. If you are a parent of a child who is old enough to start helping out around the house…You will know what I mean.
Some children just do not comprehend and know how to complete tasks from start to finish. So they ask mom or dad over and over how to do whatever it is they are attempting to do.
I thought I would take a moment and list a few things that might be great to put on a child’s list of To Do’s and To Not Do’s. Making a list and posting it in words your child can read will not only help you save all the questions. It will also help you to encourage your child to read.
Toddlers Ages 3 to 5
1. Pick up your toys.
2. Put your toys where they belong.
3. Put your dirty clothes in the hamper.
4. When you are done playing put your things
away.
Kindergartners Ages 5 to 6
1. Pick up your things in your room.
2. Put everything where it should go.
3. Put your dirty clothes in the hamper.
4. Set out your clothes for the next morning.
5. Try and make your bed.
6. Help set the table.
Children Ages 6 to 10
1. Clean your room.
2. Make your bed.
3. Put toys away and other play items.
4. Put dirty clothes in the hamper
5. Help fold and put clean clothes away.
6. Help set the table.
7. Learn to pick up around the front room.
8. Learn to vacuum.
9. Learn to dust and clean surfaces in bathroom.
Children Ages 10 to 12
1. Clean your room.
2. Make your bed.
3. Put belongings away after play or use.
4. Put dirty clothes in hamper.
5. Help fold and put clean clothes away.
6. Set the table and wash dishes.
7. Learn to clean and vacuum front room.
8. Clean the bathroom.
9. Take care of personal belongings.
10. Put your bike away or any outside items.
11. Feed and take care of a pet.
12. Take out the trash.
13. Help around the house.
14. Be willing to learn new things.
Teenagers 13 and up
1. Do all of the above listed things.
2. Help mow the lawn and pick up around the yard.
3. Do extra chores for added allowances.
4. Baby sit as you grow more responsible.
5. Clean the house.
6. Learn to cook a little.
7. Learn to do laundry.
8. Learn the value of money.
9. Do some volunteer work.
Now Don’ts For All Ages.
1. Do not break house rules.
2. Do not talk to strangers.
3. Do not go any place alone or without
your parents permission.
4. Do not disrespect other people.
5. Do not talk back to teachers, parents or
people with authority.
6. Do not leave your bike or belongings in
places they do not belong.
7. Do not go places by your self.
8. Do not leave your mess for others to clean up.
9. Do not hit, kick or bite.
10. Follow all of your parents DO NOT Rules.
I am sure you get the basic idea of what you want your child to do and to not do. Just make up a list and post it on the door. You may want to add a how to clean your room list. It is always helpful to use simple words that the kids understand and can relate too. You may want to show them where the dirty clothes go.
Just a few ideas to help make life a little easier and more pleasant on the home front.
Does your kid prefer to flop in front of his PS2 with a bag of crisps or take a football and a bag of fruit to the park? Chances are your family falls somewhere between these two extremes, but with concern growing about childhood obesity and the associated increase in the incidence of type II diabetes, high cholesterol readings and later heart disease in our children, the time to introduce healthier lifestyle choices is now.
‘Parents need to recognise the importance of forming good habits in childhood, which will lead to a balanced and enjoyable diet later in life,’ advises Sarah Schenker, a dietitian with the British Nutrition Foundation. ‘Eating a wide variety of foods is the most important thing,’ she adds, ‘and a gentle, consistent approach usually results in a broader eating range.’ Here are some questions to ask yourself.
1. How does your child eat?
2. What would you pack for a picnic or school lunch?
3. How often does your child have sweets?
4. What does your child drink?
5. What do your child’s after-school activities most often include?
6. How much walking do you do as a family?
From the get go, Barack Obama made it known just how important his family is to him. Despite being the busy guy that he is, he always makes it a point to set aside time and resources for his wife and two girls. It looks to me that he is quite successful at what he is doing.
Recently, he was interviewed by Essence Magazine, and he talked at length about his stand on parent involvement in regard to raising children. Let me share with you some of the points that struck me the most.
Regulate TV time. So what does the first couple do? The president says that the girls are not allowed to watch TV during school nights. Instead, they have to do their homework first – as soon as they get home actually. When dinner time comes around and they’re still not done, then they continue after. Naturally, this requires diligence AND patience on everyone’s part. I understand this, though, as my parents did the same thing with us, and I’d like to think it worked out pretty well!
Set educational expectations. I think this is one thing that many parents need to work on. We have to draw the line regarding what is expected of the children and what we can do to help them. I have heard about (and seen) so many parents take on the school workload of their children just so things can get done. I can also recount a lot of stories about parents who set very high (often unrealistic) expectations. The trick is in finding the correct balance between giving the child responsibility AND supporting him when necessary. Unfortunately, this is a gray area. Who is to say what the balance is? Here’s a rough guide, according to the President: children must take responsibility for waking up and getting to school on time. They also must take responsibility for routine homework. When it comes to extra projects and other non-routine tasks, perhaps parents can lend a helping hand.
Communicate. This is a way of monitoring how your child is getting along in school. You need to make it a habit to spend time with your child regularly, if only to talk about mundane things. Even better, make it a point to set goals with your child, and then celebrate milestones together.
Isn’t that just a wonderful thing to hear from someone of such stature?
