Moving into more inspirational topics, I recently received an email from one of my Mom groups, urging me to look at this short video. It was called “Animal School” from a website called Raising Small Souls.
I watched it and teared. It was truly a beautiful video about a child’s individuality. I urge you to watch it, whether you are a parent or not as I think it applies to us all. As a parent, I am always looking for ways to learn how to be the best parent I can be, and so I eagerly signed up for the website’s newsletter whose message seemed to be more than the usual developmental stuff you see on Baby Center (not that I dont think thats useful too, it is, but its not enough), but it touches on parenting on an emotional level too.
“Raising Small Souls” was created by a mom-of-three, Ellen Braun, and her husband who is a doctor amd principal at a vocational school for at-risk teenagers. Her ideas and notes on parenting accumulated throughout the years and this site, filled with all kinds of useful parenting advice, was born. Another nice thing I noticed was the personal touch her site had, which is not common on the web these days. After I registered for the newsletter, I got an email from Ellen, welcoming me, and saying:
“When you have a free moment, feel free to tell me about your child or children, and the most pressing parenting question on your mind. I will do my best to address your question in an upcoming issue of RaisingSmallSouls’ newsletter.”
She then apologized in advance if she wasnt able to respond right away, which is not surprising, but the whole thought was very nice, I thought. Parenting is a very personal and emotional job, and I await her newsletters with much anticipation.
As Ellen says:
“If I help just one family raise happier and emotionally healthier children, then this site has accomplished its goal,I hope that family is yours.”
How wonderful is that?
[tags]parenting advice, emotional parenting,parenting tips, raising small souls[/tags]
As you’ll easily notice from my last posts, my four-year-old is a handful these days. She shouts at the top of her lungs as often as she can, cannot seem to sit still at home for longer than 5 minutes and will do all that is humanly possible for a preschooler to avoid bedtime – or prolong it at least.
The night before last I found her sleeping on the floor in her bedroom, and last night she asked if she could sleep there again. Is this weird behaviour or normal for someone her age?
Anyway, at a meeting at her school the other day where we Moms were roped in to organizing an entire classroom as Mexico (food, costumes,decor and all-yaaaa!) for UN month, her principal started talking about a new music-based program starting for kids with special needs – like ADHD- and I swear, I just felt she was pointedly looking at ME.
I nodded emphatcally to the Principal, but inside a wave of paranoia swept over me. Did she think my daughter had ADHD? To be honest, I don’t really know what it is exactly. I just hear about it everywhere – on tv, through friends, spoken casually in conversation like its the most normal thing in the world.
When I told my husband my worries, he brushed me off saying our daughter was a normal, energetic kid just like he was. Yes, “normally energetic” is ok, but a label like ADHD on your child is a nerve-racking prospect.
So before any more paranoia sets in, I’m off to google for a bit of educating.
[tags]adhd,parenting,kids,mums,mothers,fathers[/tags]
After my husband read my last post, I was greeted with a somewhat accusing ” Mamma’s boy, huh?” comment, looking pointedly at our son. Now, its put me in the unfair position (and he’s a big “life is unfair darling” advocate), as I seem to get mini-looks of “aha – mama’s boy!”, when our son comes up to me for an extra long cuddle or worse- when I tell our 4-year-old to share her toys with little brother. Oh dear.
Anyway, I’ve decided to do a little more on Fathers, which will include (surprise, honey!)…..Daddy’s Girl.
But first off, with thanks to Wikipedia:
The Definition of Father
A father is traditionally the male parent of a child. Like mothers, fathers may be categorised according to their biological, social or legal relationship with the child.
Historically, the biological relationship paternity has been determinative of fatherhood. However, proof of paternity has been intrinsically problematic and so social rules often determined who would be regarded as a father e.g. the husband of the mother.
This method of the determination of fatherhood has persisted since Roman times in the famous sentence: Mater semper certa; pater est quem nuptiae demonstrant (Mother is always certain; the father is whom the marriage shows).
The historical approach has been destabilised with the recent emergence of accurate scientific testing, particularly DNA testing. As a result, the law on fatherhood is undergoing rapid changes. In the United States, the Uniform Parentage Act essentially defines a father as a man who conceives a child through sexual intercourse.
Written by Lara on September 25th, 2006. Comments Off
Filed under Dads, Relationships.
Here is small selection of divorce books for parents worth checking out at your local bookstore.
1. Child Custody: Building Parenting Agreements that Work
by Mimi E. Lyster
A practical guide for dealing successfully with this touchy issue. Checklists and worksheets make the whole process with its somewhat daunting legal implications a lot simpler to face.
2. Its Not Your Fault Koko Bear
by Vicki Lansky
This is a heartwarming storybook for parents to read together with young children when facing a divorce. Parents with young kids have given this book glowing reviews saying how it helped their child get in touch with and understand their feelings when going through this difficult time. Kids really relate to this one. Highly recommended.
3. Dinosaurs Divorce
by Marc Brown
This time its dinosaurs taking on the emotional turmoil of divorce, but in a way that will engage kids and hopefully have a positive influence with its cheerfull illustrations. Its on the long side (31 pages) and the different chapters tackle issues from “What is Divorce” to “Living in Two Homes”. A good way for parents and children to open up honest dialogue.
4. Difficult Questions Kids Ask And Are Afraid To Ask About Divorce
by Meg F. Schneider
Parents with older kids (after preschool) were reassured with this book and claimed that the questions hit very close to home. The subjects and ages vary though, so an overall good range for parents.
Written by Lara on September 19th, 2006. Comments Off
Filed under Dads, Emotions, Moms, Preschoolers, Relationships, Reviews, Shopping, Teens, Tips, Toddlers.
After my last post and my recent uncomfortable experience, I thought it would be useful to know HOW to talk to young kids about divorce. Whether its you and your husband going through one, family members, friends or a movie or tv show, here are some useful tips I found to explain the rather serious matter to little ones:
1. Keep it short and simple - lengthy elaborations can be lost on tots, instead say something like: “A divorce is when two people who are married stop being married. They do this because they aren’t happy living together anymore.”
2. Honesty counts – If the divorce is yours, make sure you tell your child why (“we were fighting too much/making each other sad”) AND always say that it ISNT their fault and thet you’ll both always love them.
3. Talk about it – You need to help the child understand what is going on and dispel as much fears as you can from them by continuing to talk and answer questions when they ask.
4. No blaming - If its happening to you, dont make it seem like your partner was the baddie (even if he was – well, to a point.). Same goes for friends, family and so on. Negative comments can do damage to a child, if that child has a relationship with the person in question.
No, thankfully not mine, but when it happens to people close to you. My daughter sees it on television and I’ve explained it in concept – “when mommies and daddies can’t get along… are fighting too much, and wont live together anymore…” etc etc..
But what I find harder is when a new person comes into the scene. Later today, my Mother is coming to visit us with her new “friend”. In her 50′s, she’s decided to leave her husband of 15 years (my stepdad, whose also been married 3 times before), because she says that for the first time ever, this new guy is making her feel things she never felt before.
Without wanting to be the judgemental, moralistic daughter (okay, so I am a bit), I cant help but feel VERY uncomfortable about the whole affair. Things arent really tied up with my Stepdad yet, and yet here comes my children’s Grandmother, passing by for coffee en route to the resort down the road where they’ll be spending the weekend – like its the most normal thing in the world!
I tried to explain to my daughter who this person her Grandma was coming with – a friend who was a doctor and that they were going to the resort to meditate and do yoga (something my Mother is passionate about and her ex-to-be wasnt, but this guy is – get it now?). She took it with a grain of salt, but I do wonder what will go through her 4-year old- mind when they arrive later.
Every evening after the children have gone to bed, I like to brew myself a nice soothing cup of tea – honey vanilla chamomile to be precise. Not only is it a delicious de-stresser after a hectic (meaning ordinary) day with my two rugrats, but inspirational too as I was about to discover.
While I waited for the tea to steep, I mindlessly looked at the tea’s packaging, and to my surprise found a lovely inspirational tidbit which actually made my throat rather lumpy. And more importantly offered some very good advice.
Ok, I plea guilty to being a sentimentalist. But I am a Mother, and as all you Moms out there know, anything that even slightly tugs at your heart’s overwhelming love for your children (yes, even the sappiest TV commercials) will get those Mom-emotions going – which should lead you straight to hugging your kids very tightly indeed. Just as I did.
Here it is:
If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again
“If I had my child to raise all over again, I’d fingerpaint more and point the finger less.
I’d do less correcting, and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less, and know to care more.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging, and less tugging.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I’d teach less about the love of power
And more about the power of love”
Diane Loomans, From Full Esteem Ahead
From the moment our daughter was born, I knew she was a daddy’s girl. As my husband says, I was pretty much “out for the count” having just undergone 8 hours of labour and THEN a c-section.
So, one can understand why the first sight of my daughter is hazy to me. Heavy drugs, sheer exhaustion and the strange feeling of actually becoming a “Mother” all melded into the first moment I saw her – and all I remember is seeing this tiny thing in a pink blanket put next to me for a second, my asking if she was healthy, being told that she was perfect, and waking up 5 hours later in the hospital room.
My husband on the other hand, has a far clearer account of his experience. One that brings tears to his eyes every time he tells the tale. I’ll leave that for him to tell himself, but it involved an experience which could only be described as pure love and joy as he watched her being born.
Throughout her infancy, terrible twos and now preschooler days, my husband has never been angry or lost his temper with our daughter (unlike bad-tempered mean old Mom). Yes, he disciplines when needed, but even then I can tell that he’s still secretly amused.
They do a lot of “daddy time” things together (roller coaster rides for instance which Mom wont do), and also have a special language / game that just the two of them can understand. Sometimes in the car they’ll be going on and on with quite animated discussions - fascinating, really.
And more evidence of the daddy’s girl phenomena – when the daughter of a good friend of mine was born, her smitten husband promptly had the baby’s foot tattooed on his shoulder. Since then, they’ve had a little boy, but I yet to ask if his feet were tattooed on the opposite shoulder. What do you think?
Written by Lara on September 5th, 2006. Comments Off
Filed under Dads, Relationships.
My 18-month-old son is the most beautiful boy in the world. He clings to me like glue, looks soulfully into my eyes and is never happier then when we are snuggled together reading “Goodnight Moon”, his tiny hand in mine. He then chants ‘mama…mama” sweetly as I read, and I just melt with love (like Elvis and doting Mama Gladys in pic).
Unlike my 4-year old girl who was Miss Independence since day 1 (dont get me wrong, we have a special bond too, but its just different), he just seems more vulnerable and more needy of Mom than my girl ever was. These days she’s more into her football or friends at kindergarten, but I can’t ever remember her being like my son. It just got me thinking. Is my son doomed to be a Mama’s Boy? Was it like this with all mothers and sons?
Take my Grandmother for instance. When my aunts come for lunch at her apartment, they’ll have to make do with whatever is on the table (or cook themselves more likely). But when my Uncle (only son, mind you) comes for his weekly visit….the best steak is laid out and all his other favourite dishes! And when the aunts complain, Grandma just shrugs and says “well, he’s my son!”.
When I asked girlfriends and aunts who had sons about this strange mother-son phenomena, they all heartily agreed that indeed, things were always different with their sons – there was definitely some kind of love affair going. And that to understand it with our daughters, you had to realize that the same thing was going on with their Daddies.
Remember all those times you’d come home and catch your daughter playing dress up with your clothes? She’d have your blouse on as a dress, wear your pretty pearls and have a whole gunk of make up on. Bet you were either mad or laughed your head off.
That may have been when she was much younger. Now, she no longer wears your clothes because she feels your clothes are too motherly for her taste. She does however periodically borrow your make-up and wear it to school.
It is actually quite normal for girls in their teens to start wearing make up but at what age and how much? Unless your daughter is performing on stage, 15 to 18 is the time when they truly start to experiment with cosmetics. It will be a lot better if instead of scolding her, you help her learn to apply them properly rather than having her use the wrong products. She doesn’t realize it but until they are in their mid twenties, their beautiful skin doesn’t really need make-up.
Teach her the art of making up by making down. A little powder, mascara and lip gloss is often enough to enhance our beauty. All the highest paid fashion models and actresses do not walk around with pounds of cosmetics on their face. They use just enough to highlight their best features and to add just a touch of color to make them look healthy.
In fact, make it a fun time where you and your daughter can make each other up. Then you can give each other a fashion show and have your pictures taken together.
[tags]parenting,teenagers,make up,models[/tags]
