If your child has anxiety problems, what are you supposed to do? As a parent, your instinct may tell you to shelter him or her from whatever it is that is causing the anxiety. That is what I would do. But is it the right thing to do?

According to Bruce Hirsch, a counselor at the Frostig Center in Pasadena, CA, the first step in dealing with a child with anxiety problems is to go slowly. He notes:

The first thing I do, especially with an anxious child, is to go very slowly. Because if you immediately focus on their anxiety, you’re going to make the child more anxious. I try to create a very non-threatening environment. If they don’t want to talk much, that’s okay. They may want to do a little drawing instead, or play a game. Then I usually test the waters because all kids are different. I might say, “Gee, Mom and Dad said that you have a lot of trouble falling asleep at night, what do you think about that?” If the child withdraws at that point, I don’t push. Other kids may be relieved that someone’s finally addressing the anxiety so that they can talk about what’s going on.

I totally agree with this approach. What I said in the beginning of this post – sheltering the child – may not be the best wording possible but the idea is the same. At the outset, support and acceptance is what a child with anxiety needs.

What is your take?

Anxiety is something that is not to be taken lightly. If even adults may have problems with regard to anxiety and they may not know how to handle them properly, how much more for our children? There are many causes of anxiety in children. Some of the most common ones probably have something to do with school and interaction with their peers.

How do we know if our child is suffering from anxiety problems? Scott, in his blog, outlines some symptoms that may arise from such problems:

Is your child exhibiting one or more of these signs? Of course, it does not necessarily mean that he or she has a problem. It could be merely that they are part of growing up. Then again, he or she might really be having some problems – especially if the several of the symptoms above are present.
In the next post, let us look at some ways we can help our child deal with such issues.

No, I am not talking about walking the runway like Naomi Campbell and Kate Moss. What I have in mind is being super (role) models for our kids. I am drawing inspiration for this post from an entry in Dr. Robyn’s blog, entitled Powerful Role Models: Seven Ways to Make a Positive Impact on Children.

As I was reading through the entry, I was taken back in time. I remembered how, as a child, I looked up to may parents so much. In my eyes, they could do no wrong. My mom was a strict disciplinarian while my dad pampered us a bit more. They both walked their talk, as they say. My perception changed somewhat as I grew older but looking back now, I realize just how much my parents’ example has shaped who I am today.

Seeing how I regarded my parents as the main role models in my life, I am quite scared as to what my children would see in me. Would they respect me in much the same way I held my parents and their principles in high regard? Would I be able to live up to their expectations or would I be a disappointment to them?

This is where the 7th point in Dr. Robyn’s post becomes really helpful – demonstrating confidence in who we are. Being a parent is really the best – and the toughest – job in the world and realizing that as parents, we have to be “supermodels” for our kids can make it even tougher. Then again, we should not be afraid to make mistakes and apologize for them if the situation arises. The important thing is that we show a good example to our children – in the best way we can.

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For sure, parents are looking for advanced practices on how to become better parents. Moods and the things they do at home are not enough. There are varying techniques in the world of parenting today and people just have to be more open to them. Books may be of help but with the way technology has been spread today, the web is where updated facts and resources are at.

Be assured that there are a lot of ideas over the web today for better parenting practices. They are just waiting to be found!

While there is no question that most parents today know the responsibilities of growing their own breed while at the same time relying on other areas for potential improvement of the same, people often check the web for best sites which can help improve their current practice. Surely, these best sites will often be the first to come out when links or search queries thanks to the expertise of affordable search engine optimization techniques by companies such as Los Angeles SEO.

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There are a lot of sites on parenting today and each has its own line of specialty. While parenting may be simple to some, many would be amazed at the things they are missing out in their journey of parenthood. It is these little things that they can only locate once they start checking out the leading sites of parenting practices today.

First of all, I’d like to say THANKS to Daddy A, who so kindly filled in for me for February with his illuminating posts of life from the other side (aka Daddy’s). My deepest gratitude and thanks. I wouldnt be able to pull off the busiest month of the year without his time and effort for this blog.

February is a crazy month in my household. Its the month where most people buckle down to the routines of the New Year, but in our family, its the month of birthdays, followed by the yearly growups-only trip my husband and I take, away from the kids.

So after the meyhem of a seemingly endless stream of birthday celebrations culminating in the Pirate Party I obsessively blogged about, hubby and I took off to Hong Kong for a fabulous, ultra-luxe holiday. Its become a sort of tradition, these child-free trips right after the birthdays. I’m not sure how it started, but I suppose it arose from the need for some quality grown-up time after a month (or two - Christmas too, remember) where our lives just seem to be consumed by our children.

Wonderful as it was to have long conversations with my husband without whiny interruptions, shopping trips at leisure where I could actually browse as long as I pleased and try on as many things as I liked without rushing, and late breakfasts where I could read an entire newspaper, going home to our five-year-old and two-year-old was the biggest thrill of all.

And lastly, something very “pre-school” that my best friend sent me: (I promise this is the past pirate thing!)

Alexander Ratcliff from Spokane, Washington is the grand prize winner for the Riddles contest. His winning riddle is:

Q: Why wasn’t the child let in to the pirate movie?
A: It was rated arrrrrrrrr (delivered with an appropriate pirate squint)

Yes, the unsavoury phenomena of “keeping up with the Joneses” has already started to rear its ugly head at my daughter’s kindergarten, and we Mothers have become accomplices.

At the age of 4-5, my daughter (and indeed her classmates) has become increasingly aware of what her friends have, prompting the need for her to have whatever it is too.

Take Rose, for instance, her classmate who is obviously over-indulged by her parents. She comes to school in a new outfit nearly every day, and her toy collection at home could rival Hamleys. N tells me that Rose does not have a strict bedtime (she can sleep anytime she wants, which is usually at 1 am with her Mother) and can have new toys any day of the week. The unfairness of it all!!

To a child’s eyes, Rose has hit the jackpot, but to us Moms (well, maybe not Rose), its a clear sign for the road to Veruca-ville. So every week, theres something N wants that one of her friends have got, or worse, a slighty envious comparison on how so-and-so’s bedroom/kitchen…house is bigger than ours. Luckily, even if we have a tiny flat in town, we have a massive garden at our beach property, so N takes pride in that.

I just cant help but feel somewhat scared of this burgeoning materialism at such young age. Kids nowadays have too many things, and its the fault of us parents for buying them for whatever reason - guilt? making up for what we may have lacked as kids? or maybe we’re also keepiing up with the Joneses?

Okay, so last time I gave a brief introduction on the importance of routines. These routines that kids (and families) should follow aren’t exactly supposed to be rigid and time-based, but instead predictable sequences of events. These help kids have a concept of time and handle such situations with confidence.

I mentioned about my own routines. Working at home, my daily routine usually involves my younger daughter, “C” who is two years old. Every morning, we drive mom and her older sister, “P” to preschool (my wife works as a teacher in my daughter’s school).

When we get back home, I usually check my emails and catch up on the blogs I read. C then watches morning cartoons. By about 10 a.m., she would feel sleepy and I would get to bed with her until she sleeps. I then take this opportunity to freshen up and tidy up whatever mess we’d done, after which I try to start doing some work online.

By noontime, C would have already awaken, and by this time we would drive out to pick up mom and P from school.

I think this morning routine is very important since it helps establish to C that we need to have some time to work on our respective activities each morning. For me, it’s starting with work (remember, I work at home), and for her, catching up with her sleep with the morning nap. It also establishes our togetherness, particularly when I take her to bed when she’s already sleepy.

Occasionally, I would break the routine of my having to work. I would play with C and watch TV with her until she gets tired of me and goes on to play by herself. Sometimes instead of heading straight home, I’d bring C to a caf� and I would work on my laptop while she enjoys pastries and watches people.

I think kids do appreciate knowing what to expect in the course of a day, and knowing to also appreciate some changes when called-for.

My wife is a preschool teacher. Along with being mom, her training in handling children makes her the authority at home when it comes to educating–and yes, disciplining–the kids. She always reminds me to follow daily routines so the kids will get used to some organization at home.

Generally, I’m a disorganized person. I’m more spur-of-the-moment rather than scheduled. I’m more adaptive rather than structured. I’m more dynamic rather than static. But of course, if it’s for the children’s good, then I would have to adjust and adopt.

Routines are important because they help instill awareness of time and enhance a child’s feeling of security, so I’m told. Routines help enhance a child’s self-confidence, especially if he or she has the opportunity to have an active role in contributing to the flow of events.

Routines don’t necessarily have to be time-based, but these can be flow- or event-based. So you don’t necessarily have to follow a strict time table, but instead you can do activities based on sequence.

I’d like to talk more about routines in the next few posts, but let me first illustrate some of the routines our family follows every day–or every weekday, at least.

More to come …

One of the best things I can recommend to each and every Mom out there, is to get a few days of “de-Momming” every year, away from the children, away from the spouse, and with your best girlfriends. If you havent done it yet, I urge you to to put all guilt aside and trust your kids with their Dad (who honestly will do an OK job, I swear). You’ll emerge not just refreshed but you’ll regain some of your old self too - B.C. (before children).

The day after Christmas, I did just that. It was the first time I ever did it - leave the kids alone with my husband and actually go on a mini-holiday without my young family. I was guilty and kind of nervous when I got on the plane, and when I got to the island, I was actually still wondering what the hell I was doing, leaving the 3 people who I loved most.

I met up with my two best girlfriends from high school, both of whom live miles away from each other, and from me. If we’re lucky, we get to see each other once a year, and not for very long, so five days together were a rare pleasure indeed.

On the first night there, one of the girls sweetly treated me to the spa for the best two-hour deep tissue massage I have had in my life. I dont know if it was the therapist’s expert hands, the sublime rose petal bath afterwards, or the open-air treatment villa we were in, but I was more relaxed than I had been in a very long time. After the spa, we met up with friends at beach bar and sipped “sea breezes”, chatting until the wee hours.

The rest of the trip took the same trend - sunning, swimming, listening to music, eating (lots of seafood!), drinking cocktails (not quite the same amounts as my B.C. days, but still a great deal more than usual!), shopping at the beach boutiques and chatting, chatting and more chatting. It was heaven!

Yes, it was admittedly a bit strange at first to switch off from Mommy-mode, not having to think about what the kids were doing, what they were eating next, or what I could do to keep them busy without having to resort to the DVD player (and you could say the same train of thought applied to my hubby). In fact, there wasn’t much thinking at all, which was just perfect.

So five days later (I extended a day, fully supported by my hubby - aren’t I lucky?), I returned home, tired from the plane and car journey, but feeling absolutely great. I discovered that sometimes our old selves tend to get lost in being a Mom, and that a few days on the beach with the girls is all it takes to regain some of it again.

[tags]beach holiday, girls trip[/tags]