For as long as anyone can remember, disciplining children has been a hot parenting topic. I think that we can all agree that we need to instill discipline and values in our children. The question lies in the method. How do we discipline our children? What is the right way? Is there even a right and wrong way?
For some, the Biblical principles of not sparing the rod apply. I have to admit that I see value in this principle. It has been tried and tested over the ages, and as long as certain guidelines are followed, it is quite effective in showing children that actions have consequences, and that they will have to face those consequences.
Spanking, however, has its detractors. Indeed, recent studies have shown that spanking just might prove to be harmful under certain circumstances. An article published in Pediatrics (the official journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics) earlier this week states that spanking young children might increase their risk for aggressive behavior in their later years. Here are the official results of the study:
Frequent use of CP (ie, mother’s use of spanking more than twice in the previous month) when the child was 3 years of age was associated with increased risk for higher levels of child aggression when the child was 5 years of age (adjusted odds ratio: 1.49 [95% confidence interval: 1.2–1.8]; P < .0001), even with controlling for the child's level of aggression at age 3 and the aforementioned potential confounding factors and key demographic features.
Bottom line: the study provides huge support to the followers of the no spanking principle.
My question is this: should we throw away the idea of spanking because of the study?
We are all still entitled to our own opinions. I am sure that there are those of you who are nodding their heads right now, agreeing with the study. I have to say, however, that I do not think that we should do away with spanking. It has a purpose, and done the right way, teaches children a lot of things.
I believe that in order for spanking to serve its purpose, we have to take note of these things:
1. There should be no sense of anger involved. We are disciplining our children to teach them a lesson, not to vent.
2. The child being disciplined should understand why he is being spanked. This is another reason parents should not spank their kids when they’re angry. The idea of cause and effect, actions and consequences, should be explained to the child being disciplined.
3. The parent should not fail to show the child being disciplined that he/she is loved despite the fact that he is being spanked. Again, this is part of the whole process. The child should understand that he is being taught a lesson, not in anger or hatred, but because it is part of growing up.
That’s my take on the spanking issue. What about you?
The Easter holidays have traditionally been the time for families to get together. I think it is practically the same all over the world – at least in those parts where Easter is celebrated. Anyhow, we went to a relatively nearby beach resort for an extended weekend, and one thing that struck me was that there were quite a lot of families there. I suppose I shouldn’t have been that surprised as this resort is well known for being family-friendly. The many other times that I have visited this place, though, I didn’t see as many families with kids. Another thing that was good to see was how much time the parents and kids spent with each other. We would be sitting there enjoying the sun and sand, and we would see other parents and their children doing the same. Even those with teenagers were having a great time with each other! (Now those with teens would know that this phase is not the easiest when it comes to parenting!)
I couldn’t help but feel happy that in this day and age of family dysfunction, I was surrounded by people who valued time spent with the family; children and parents who genuinely seemed to enjoy being around each other.
Lest you think that this is a mere impression on my part, let me share with you an article published recently in a New York Times blog. Written by Tara Parker-Pope, it talks about how family time has grown – surprisingly. She writes that while modern parents continually moan over how they do not have enough time for the kids due to all the responsibility heaped on their shoulders, a recent study shows that the parents of today actually spend more time with the family as compared to parents of previous generations.
She quoted numbers to back up her statement:
The study, by two economists at the University of California, San Diego, analyzes a dozen surveys of how Americans say they use their time, taken at different periods from 1965 to 2007. It reports that the amount of child care time spent by parents at all income levels — and especially those with a college education — has risen “dramatically” since the mid-1990s. (The findings by the husband-and-wife economist team of Garey Ramey and Valerie A. Ramey appear in a discussion paper presented in March at a Brookings Institution conference in Washington.)
Before 1995, mothers spent an average of about 12 hours a week attending to the needs of their children. By 2007, that number had risen to 21.2 hours a week for college-educated women and 15.9 hours for those with less education.
The figures for 2007 are impressive, aren’t they? If you think about a week as being 40 hours (for those who work, that’s the normal time spent at the office), half of that is spent on childcare! That number can easily rise for stay at home moms (or dads, for that matter).
Now, the question is this: how much time do you spend on your children? I suppose we shouldn’t really be fixated on the numbers alone, but it’s a great start. The year isn’t halfway gone, maybe it’s time that you re-consider the amount of time that you allot for the family.
Every year, some pieces of news breaks out – the kind that tends to change the way we look at things. In the realm of parenting, the latest controversy is lambasting the tried and tested baby sling. I don’t know about you, but this contraption has been so useful to me and countless other parents I know. In spite of the fact that so many people have been using the baby sling for as long as anyone can remember, new “developments” have arisen that question its safety and efficacy.
The Health News Digest tells us more:
It seems the CPSC was alerted by Consumer Reports, an independent, nonprofit agency that tests and rates the quality of a wide range of products. Consumer Reports raised valid concerns when they reported thirty-seven infants who were seriously injured in the past eleven years from falling out of slings and seven deaths from suffocation. They specifically cited the Infantino “SlingRider” and the “Wendy Bellissimo” carriers as a major culprit in the suffocation deaths of two infants (largely due to its pouch-like design) and asked the CPSC to issue a recall noting that it had previously been recalled in 2007 for the breaking of shoulder strap adjusters. Such a recall was not included in their March 12th statement; however Consumer Reports insists that “Because of those incidents, and the lack of safety standards, infant slings are on our list of products not to buy for your baby.”1 They do so without considering product design or track record and without assessing the relative risks (in other words comparing the percentage of babies worn in slings to the considerably small percentage of deaths.)
(For your information, CPSC stands for the Consumer Product Safety Commission.)
So anyway, why the sudden attention on baby slings? I just don’t get it! Think about the countless issues regarding car seats, cribs, play pens, and similar other contraptions used regularly for babies. They have been under scrutiny for a long time, and yet they have not really been banned. Why? Because they are necessary and steps have been taken to ensure that children will be safe.
When it comes to baby slings, I think the same approach should be taken. My children have outgrown the sling, and they are just fine. I am sure that many other mothers will agree with me on this. What do you think? Are baby slings safe enough or should they be banned?
This is probably going to be a controversial post. We all have our beliefs as to sexual orientation and it was not long ago when that hullaballoo about same sex marriage in California hit the headlines. With all the focus on same sex marriage, have you ever thought about same sex parents/parenting?
The reason for this post is the article “Same-sex couples can be effective parents, researchers find,” which I read over at USA Today. The bottom line is this:
Children raised by same-sex couples appear to do as well as those raised by parents of both sexes, suggests an international research review that challenges the long-ingrained belief that children need male and female parents for healthy adjustment.
“It’s more about the quality of the parenting than the gender of the parents,” says Judith Stacey of New York University, co-author of the comprehensive review. It will be published Friday in the Journal of Marriage and Family.
Naturally, I had to look into the details. What did they measure effective parenting by? Apparently, they took a look at things such as self-esteem, social adjustment, performance in school, and so on. I cannot argue that these things are universally regarded as important by parents, can you?
Experts say that what counts is the quality of the parents rather than the gender. It reminded me of the forever present argument when it comes to the corporate world. It used to be that men got better jobs and higher pay in spite of the fact that there are women who are just as qualified as they are. (Maybe this is still happening, I am not so sure.) The perennial argument is that the gender does not matter.
Maybe I am a bit traditional in this sense as I cannot help but think about the need of children for a father figure. This could be because I grew up with the males in my family on a pedestal. This could also be because I want my children to grow up with the father figuring prominently in their lives.
Still, we cannot discount the fact that there are children being raised today without a (traditional) father and a (traditional) mother, and studies show that they are doing just fine. I suppose that it doesn’t work for (or sit well with) everyone, and it really is the quality that will matter at the end of the day.
What’s going through your mind?
I can already hear (and see) you reacting quite strongly to that question. It’s a no brainer right? Any parent knows that while children are precious, there are just times when they will make one’s blood pressure shoot up like a rocket crazy to go to outer space. I know this, and you know this; so what’s up with question that I am posing?
Earlier, I stumbled upon a very interesting study about how people actually benefit from being parents – in terms of lower blood pressure. Just like you probably, the first thought that entered my mind was: that’s a load of crock. Then again, when I read more, it seemed to make some sense.
In a nutshell, the study’s results bank on the fact that having children give us a more meaningful life and a sense of purpose. Even if you take children out of the equation, it is easy to understand how the simple idea of having a bigger perspective, a sense of purpose, can be beneficial to an individual.
Think about it, when you face some really stressful situation at work, does coming home to your children help you de-stress? Even the mere thought of going home to your babies makes a difference, right? Or let’s say you don’t work – that doesn’t mean you’re immune to the stresses of life. Having a kid, according to the study, helps you deal better with these things.
Some details about the study:
The conclusion comes from a study of 198 adults who were fitted with portable blood pressure monitors for 24 hours as they went about their normal lives. Researchers took into account other factors that can influence blood pressure, such as health, age, weight, exercise, employment and drinking history. The effect was stronger among women. Mothers had a 12 and seven-point difference in blood pressure compared with childless women.
Dr Julianne Holt-Lunstad, who led the study at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, said: ‘While caring for children may include daily hassles, deriving a sense of meaning and purpose from life’s stress has been shown to be associated with better health outcomes.’ Many parents, who cast an envious eye over the apparently carefree lives of childless couples, may disagree.
You think? I can rattle off a long list of parents who would probably disagree. I think, though, that it really depends on the situation and the point in time. So what do you think – does being a parent reduce or increase blood pressure?
Have you ever wanted to tear your hear out in frustration because your kids will not sit still or pose properly for pictures? While I do know that a lot of children like the flash of the camera, I have also had my fair share of frustrating moments when the pictures just don’t come out right. I am pretty sure you know what I mean…you think you’ve got the perfect shot and then the toddler suddenly looks away, distracted by some shiny thing.
Of course, we can’t always have a “set up” shot all the time – after all, sometimes, the best photos are those that are candidly taken. Then again, sometimes, you just want really good photos wherein the kids’ faces are recognizable and not some indistinguishable blur. Over the years, I have learned – through trial and error – some tricks that help me get decent, sometimes perfect, pictures. With only a few days left before Christmas, you might find these tips very useful – I know I will!
1. Get as close as you can. One of my mistakes before was to try and use a “wide angle approach.” The rationale behind this is to get as much of the scenery into the picture. After all, we all work hard to get the decorations in place – they should be in the picture! Then again, what do you really want? At the end of the day, it’s the expression on your child’s face that you want to capture. Once I had realized this, I learned to get as close as I can and take the shot with the kids’ face as the primary subject. You’ll be surprised at just how beautiful close up pictures can be!
2. Get down on your knees. It’s actually a direct corollary of the first tip. In trying to get as close as you can, you would almost always have to drop to your knees to be at the same level as your child. More than the actual shot itself, getting down on your knees seems to have this effect on children – they will focus more on you and you’ll end up with the children looking directly at the camera.
3. Be trigger happy! Digital cameras are a blessing – I don’t know what I would do without mine. Just keep your finger on the trigger and always be ready to take a shot when the opportunity arises. When children are having fun, running around, and interacting with each other, you will certainly get a lot of chances to take photos that will capture the memories of the day.
4. Smile yourself. If you are too uptight about getting nice pictures to preserve memories, then you’ll probably end up with unsatisfying shots. Don’t sweat it – let the kids enjoy themselves and let yourself loosen up as well. Before you know it, you will be snapping picture perfect moments left and right!
Oh, and before I forget, make sure your batteries are fully charged and you have enough memory space all the time!
“He has PNEUMONIA”. It’s a very very scary thing to hear from your pediatrician, and it is just what she told me last Friday when I took baby Wills for a check-up. The thing with being a mother-of-three is that you fancy yourself a pro, even when it comes to health matters. So when little Wills started coughing on Monday and developed a fever which continued throughout the week, I didn’t even call or text Dr. J. Yes, I gave the normal meds and used the puffer for the cough, but only when his fever still spiked after the 72 hour grace period, did I rush him to get checked.
Luckily, she’s also a pediatric pulmonary specialist, and when she listened to his chest, she immediately said “Momma! it’s not good“. I put on her stethoscope and heard some crackling noises, which apparently meant that the infection had gone to his lungs, which meant pneumonia.
Pneumonia is a frightening word to us parents, but it simply means an inflammation in the lungs and can be treated easily, at home. While it certainly isn’t a disease to take lightly, babies, toddlers and the elderly are the most susceptible to the disease, and it is particularly bad in developing countries where antibiotics and treatments aren’t readily available.
How did he get such a nasty bug? Who knows? Nat probably brought it back from big school and did have a mild cough for a few days. But what was important was that Dr.J said that it wasn’t too bad a case (no need for an x-ray or worse, confinement at the hospital), and she was sure he’s be fine in a week if he started taking antibiotics today.
Now, just three days since taking his first dose of clarithromycin, he’s almost back to his useful sunny self. The bad news? I think Mom’s caught it.
Hold your horses, not too fast and no violence involved. Many people are pissed at the way things are handled in court, much so that convicted killers, scammers and everybody in between go unpunished because of the legalities involved. Now let me ask you this, do you want to take them on with the backing of the law that so protects them, and gain the same protection for your and your family? Have you ever considered taking online law degrees with the many colleges offering them today, it’s easy as pie and you can do it while keeping your job during the day. many major colleges are now offering online law courses for those who want career advancement. For us, it would be the pure pleasure of learning hoe these criminals get away with the things they do.
Many of us are just plain tired and say that let them do the job for you, but most of the times, you’re not contented with the way they handle things. The law is a very tedious and tender matter that anybody without insight can easily get swallowed by the many such technicalities that are part of these laws. They are however the foundation of our society so whatever is within these laws makes modern life possible. Get down and dirty and get involved by getting yourself knowledgeable in the law that has failed you so much. Get involved and turn the law onto your side and keep the guilty ones out of the streets making them safer for our families, friends and everybody else.
Depression, anger, lack of social skills and many more, these are classical signs of either underlying sickness or too much stress. Nope, you’re not crazy but might need help, who needs psychologists who charge tons of money. Get help from people like you who may have overcome these challenges themselves and have ample experience to help you through. From seasoned professionals who are well versed in such cases or merely people who want to help and have dealt with people like you, what’s important is to accept that something is wrong and that help is needed.
Acceptance is one of the most difficult things to do, for no one, and we mean no one wants to admit it outright they have issues. Pent up anger can get out of hand and easily turn violent without therapy and counseling. Have a child who seems out of the game most of the time, get help quick so you can get help on tips how you can help them develop into more lively kids.
Getting help is the first step, recovery is the ultimate goal which we all strive to attain. Learn how people overcome fear, anxiety and dread of things we take fore granted. Learn how your fears can be turned into positive approaches to the most common problems we face. The current economic slump isn’t helping either, lost your job, need help or simply want a sympathetic ear to ease away the pain. Depression is so hard to battle when you’re alone. You sacrifice your health, family and life for something that can be addresses with simple yet effective conversations. Get help, get on your way to a healthier you, inside and out!
Written by brian on March 5th, 2009. 7 Comments »
Filed under Dads, Emotions, Health, Home, Inspiration, News, Relationships, Safety, Sleep, Teens, Tips, Website.
On Friday morning my 13-month old baby boy Wills had his Prevnar booster vaccine. That afternoon he fussed, and by late evening had a fever of 38.5. On Saturday he stayed pretty much the same, miserable and with a low-grade fever that went up to around 38.7 a little past Midnight. I gave him his last dose of Calpol by then, and by the next day the fever was gone.
I’m always wary after my children have a vaccine. I suppose its because of all the news one hears on television and in the papers, that vaccines like MMR particularly, have been linked to Autism. Its something that parents dread hearing the most, especially after pediatricians (like mine) are staunch defenders of vaccines. It was actually reported in the Huffington Post a few weeks ago that in spite of a federal ruling in the “vaccine court” which showed NO link between MMR and autism, a little boy named Bailey Banks was also awarded nearly a million dollars because the courts found that his brain damage leading to autism was indeed caused by the MMR vaccine. You read horror stories on blogs like this one, called Vaccines Exposed, or even by celebs like Jenny McCarthy:
We believe autism is an environmental illness. Vaccines are not the only environmental trigger, but we do think they play a major role. If we are going to solve this problem and finally start to reverse the rate of autism, we need to consider changing the vaccine schedule, reducing the number of shots given and removing certain ingredients that could be toxic to some children.
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