I couldn’t help but feel happy that in this day and age of family dysfunction, I was surrounded by people who valued time spent with the family; children and parents who genuinely seemed to enjoy being around each other.

Lest you think that this is a mere impression on my part, let me share with you an article published recently in a New York Times blog. Written by Tara Parker-Pope, it talks about how family time has grown – surprisingly. She writes that while modern parents continually moan over how they do not have enough time for the kids due to all the responsibility heaped on their shoulders, a recent study shows that the parents of today actually spend more time with the family as compared to parents of previous generations.

She quoted numbers to back up her statement:

The study, by two economists at the University of California, San Diego, analyzes a dozen surveys of how Americans say they use their time, taken at different periods from 1965 to 2007. It reports that the amount of child care time spent by parents at all income levels — and especially those with a college education — has risen “dramatically” since the mid-1990s. (The findings by the husband-and-wife economist team of Garey Ramey and Valerie A. Ramey appear in a discussion paper presented in March at a Brookings Institution conference in Washington.)

Before 1995, mothers spent an average of about 12 hours a week attending to the needs of their children. By 2007, that number had risen to 21.2 hours a week for college-educated women and 15.9 hours for those with less education.

The figures for 2007 are impressive, aren’t they? If you think about a week as being 40 hours (for those who work, that’s the normal time spent at the office), half of that is spent on childcare! That number can easily rise for stay at home moms (or dads, for that matter).

Now, the question is this: how much time do you spend on your children? I suppose we shouldn’t really be fixated on the numbers alone, but it’s a great start. The year isn’t halfway gone, maybe it’s time that you re-consider the amount of time that you allot for the family.

So what does being a faithful parent mean exactly? The whole idea came to me when I was reading an article at the Merced Sun Star. Admittedly, the article’s slant is quite spiritual (or religious; call it what you will). It does pose some interesting questions, though. The Rev. Jennifer Goto writes:

All of us are trying to be faithful parents.

We strive to have faith in our own instincts and our abilities to care for the most precious people in our lives.

We hold on to the faith that our children will have their own abilities to overcome the mistakes we make and the obstacles they will face in life.

We attempt to be faithful to what we know is right, to the truths we hold dear and want to pass on to our children.

How true is that? Indeed, being a parent is the best job in the world, yet at the same time, it can be quite scary. For so many years, you are responsible for the life of another person. Not only do you have to provide for them, to meet their physical needs, but you also have to ensure that they grow up to be responsible and independent adults.

I know that you wish only the best for your children – just like any other parent. You want your children to imbibe values that will last them a lifetime. Yet we can only do so much as parents. We can teach our children everything we know – and maybe go even further by learning new things ourselves – and yet at the end of the day, there are certain things out of our control.

Our children will grow up and learn things for themselves, do things on their own. We can only have faith that we do a good job and that our children will remember the lessons that we seek to impart to them. That’s faithful parenting. Trusting that we raise our children right and that they will hold on to what they’ve learned. After that, everything is up in the air.

Are you being a faithful parent? I would like to think that I am.

At our Halloween party last year the best costumes were definitely Bloody Mary and the Boy-with-pencils-stabbed-into-his-head-and-body (also extremely bloody). They were the kids of a frugal and creative friend of mine, who proudly made the costumes herself, spending very little and putting the rest of our store-bought outfits to shame. I admit that I love surfing the web (months in advance, like an obsessed woman) for Halloween costumes, but when I think about how much I actually spend for these costumes to be used once or twice (or more if you get the younger siblings to re-use), it really isn’t funny.

The other day I thought I’d go through all the costumes/dress-up items we had, and we had three very large plastic boxes filled to the brim. Far too much. None of them were homemade of course, since I am completely talentless when it comes to sewing of any kind. If you must know, I actually hate it! But as one of my mantras this new year (it was my birthday last week) is to SAVE money and SPEND less, I am really really going to try and get creative with some homemade costumes this year.

Here’s what I found online, with a few of my favorite ones (fun and easy!):

1. The Robot – My 4-year-old son loves robots, and this is great for using recycled items around the house. You can go on the high side with spending (one parent spent $40 making one), but this “Candybot” seems easy and thrifty enough. With used boxes of different sizes, some paint and maybe some tin foil, a homemade robot could be yours for the taking!

2. The Dorothy – Ok, so this is an Ebay item, but still great I think. The Wizard of Oz is beloved in our household, and I thoroughly approve of a timeless costume like Dorothy, rather than some TV star who probably will be forgotten by next year. And with its unbeatable price of $5, including the ruby slippers and D’s wig, I say it’s a fab purchase.

3. The Lego Boy (or Girl) – Which kid doesn’t like LEGO? I like how you’ll be able to find your child easily in the sea of Halloween costumes. And there’s a big chance little brother or little sister will want to use this one again. It takes less than an hour (I kid you not) to make this bright little number, so no excuses for us busy Moms!

4. The Mummy – When a little boy swathed in bandages came trick-or-treating at my house last year I thought it was the cutest thing. It’s one of those costumes that are incredibly cheap, easy and pack a good punch! Simply buy (borrow or beg) gauze or bandage rolls, apply, and hey presto! You have an authentic yet spooky costume. Add a bit of red paint and grey makeup and things get even scarier!

5. Cheap and Cheerful – You can actually spend NOTHING at all this Halloween by going with the old Charlie Brown classic – the white bed sheet with holes. How charmingly retro! For more costs-next-to-nothing ideas, the Dollar Stretcher has some very simple tips – like a Nerd (her son won first prize with this!), Angel (use the same ghost’s sheet and make a halo with kitchen foil) and the very cute Heart playing cards made from cardboard and cut-out hearts! Would be perfect for twins, I think.

6. More Ideas Like Making Fake Blood- For lots more simple ideas you can do in mere minutes (from Rappers to Deviled Eggs), and making your own props (like no-sew capes, hooray!) and makeup, this page from Mahalo is a veritable one-stop resource for all of the above.

7. Ask For Donations! – Now here’s an idea that’s nice for Mom (and the Earth), but might not fly so well with the offspring. If a family member or friend asked me if they could borrow a Halloween costume for their kid, maybe something one of my kids have outgrown, I’d happily say yes. A chance to recycle and free up space at home! So ask around and chances are you’ll get a great costume thats only been worn once or twice. Borrowing might have a better success rate with under 3′s, but I say give it a whirl anyway.

Forgive me for neglecting this blog all week, it’s been a busier week than usual – I’ve attempted to do a “clean sweep“. But for once, it has nothing to do with cleaning or organizing my house or my kids, and has everything to do with me.

It all started with an email I received from my mothers group a few weeks ago from a fellow Mum who excitedly said she was organizing a “Life Planning” workshop. Now, I’ve always been interested in that kind of thing (having lined my shelved with too many “self-help” books in my twenties, then moved onto the “baby whisperer” and “how to raise a spirited child”), and coupled with our family’s latest dilemma of moving, it really should have been something I signed up for immediately. But no, it stayed in my inbox for weeks, until the (rightly) persistent Mum, sent a follow up email saying:

The workshops are designed to be a time set aside for some internal reflection – but nothing too deep or scary! So many of us spend most of our time worrying about the well-being of others (husbands, kids, friends, far-off family, the cat) that we tend to neglect ourselves. In these workshops we want to take stock of our lives, where we are and where we want to go. It is not about searching through our past or re-living our personal histories. It is all about finding out who I really want to be and how I can become that person.

I’m sorry if this all sounds too California-hippy-esoteric: the tone of the workshops will actually be very down-to-earth and practical (and hopefully fun!).

I had this nagging feeling that it was something I should do, but I let a few more days pass, asking my husband occasionally, “What do you think? Should I do it?” After he said, for the upteenth time, “YES! just do it already”, I emailed the Mum and said that I was interested and quickly hit the “send” button before I could change my mind. In a few minutes I got a reply saying that I was luckily the 10th and last participant!

So I was in. And with trepidation I went to the first session last Tuesday, which consisted of 10 women, all from pretty different backgrounds and nationalities, with one thing in common. In the flurry of our lives as Mom, wife, friend, daughter, employee, employer etc…., we all wanted the same thing – to be happier with ourselves and create a better life for ourselves and our families. Our facilitator Michel was a Life Coach, and together with his assistant, also a Life Coach (and retired Congresswoman!), went through the first part of the workshop which was about Life Mapping.

I have to say that it was a great experience – certainly NOT easy, but with the potential to be extremely rewarding. This week I’ve been struggling to find the time (and head space) to fill out some of the exercises they gave us, which I’ve found is like eating a very healthy (but tasteless meal). Its not very comfortable chewing on those weird grains, but you know its good for you and you’ll feel a lot better later.

Photo via chez_sugi

Whether it’s on the days leading up to Christmas or on Christmas day itself, after the presents have been open and everyone is stuffed full, happy and needing a good laze on the sofa, one tradition my family loves to do is to watch a Christmas film.

Here are our favourites:

1. It’s a Wonderful Life – No need for introductions here, who doesn’t know the Jimmy Stewart classic that makes me and my husband cry, no fail, every Christmas. Our kids have so far been a little young for this, but this year we’ll be trying it out on Nat (who’s 7 in February).

2. Miracle on 34th Street – This was one of my favourites growing up, and while I think the new version (with the fellow from the Practice) isn’t bad at all, the classic film with Natalie Wood is still the best.

3. The Grinch – My kids like the Jim Carey film and actually watch it all year round, but I prefer the old cartoon – obviously because it’s what I grew up with, and also because the cartoon Grinch is much more charmingly evil than Jim Carey with all that weird makeup.

4. Scrooge – We love musicals, and so this rendition of “A Christmas Carol” is something the kids enjoy too. Lovely old-fashioned songs, the classic Dickens tale, a film we can’t miss watching every year.

5. The Santa Clause (1, 2,3) – Tim Allen makes us all laugh in this household, and the festive effects in all 3 films are pretty wonderful. The modern twist is also fun to watch – and makes my kids wish it would happen to their Dad!

6. A Christmas Story – I love coming-of-age films, and this one is a firm favorite – just the thought of the “leg” lamp in the “fragile” package makes me laugh out loud! Letting the kids see the “olden”, simpler days of the 50′s is also good.

7. A Charlie Brown Christmas – Ok, so my husband who’s not so big on cartoons won’t join us for this one (also because he’s English, so Charlie Brown isn’t really something he grew up with), but I love watching this with the kids for its quiet, jazzy music, old-style humour (you blockhead!) and nostalgic feel. Perfect!

From my family to yours, Merry Christmas!!

I don’t know if it’s because of the Christmas excitement – with all the shopping, wrapping, baking and school activities, but my children have become increasingly naughty, and that even includes little Wills, who has been waking up every 1 a.m and refusing to sleep for a full hour.

So in my battle weary Christmas frustration, I was thrilled when my best friend cleverly sent me an email about Krampus, Saint Nick’s devilish companion in Europe, who gets very very naughty children by beating them with sticks, filling their stockings with coal and throwing them in his sack (to be brought where, heavens knows). That night the screaming, wrestling, whining and fighting stopped, so you can guess who was introduced to the family Christmas tradition….

A bit severe? Well, the tradition of Krampus hails from Bavaria, where my Father-in-Law was born and raised, so I can argue that it is part in my children’s family heritage. Now, with the mention of one simple “K” word, my home is no longer a screaming pit of holiday nerves, but a harmonious Chipmunk-Christmas-playing-in-the background abode, that would make Martha Stewart proud. If only Krampus was around all year round…..

The word Krampus originates from the Old High German word for claw (Krampen). In the Alpine regions the Krampus is represented by an incubus in company of Saint Nicholas. Traditionally, young men dress up as the Krampus in the first two weeks of December, particularly in the evening of December 5, and roam the streets frightening children (and adults) with rusty chains and bells. In some rural areas the tradition also includes slight birching by the Krampus, especially of young females.

The present day Krampus costume consists of wooden masks or Larve, sheep’s skin and horns. Considerable effort goes into the manufacture of the hand-crafted masks, as many younger adults in rural communities engage competitively in the Krampus events.

In Oberstdorf, in the southwestern alpine part of Bavaria, the tradition of the “Wilde Mann” (wild man) is kept alive. He is described exactly like Krampus (except the horns), dressed in fur and frightening children (and adults) with rusty chains and bells.

Photo via xmaswithkrampus

Mini Donald

We threw a Halloween Party last Friday after school. Nothing fancy, just games and snacks for around 15 kids, and potent Bloody Mary’s for the grownups courtesy of my hubby, who’s perfected the art of the Bloody Mary. My three went as Wizardess, Cowboy and Superman, and there was Darth, Sandy from Grease, a Pirate, a Mermaid, 3 Rambos, a Fairy, a Spider and a kid who boringly went as himself with his skateboard.

On Friday my kids have their second set of costumes (except baby Wills), Wednesday Addams and Peter Pan (a gift from my Aunt), and we’ll have a little pizza party at home after the Trick or Treating. Exciting! If you aren’t a Halloween-obsessed Mom like me, and still haven’t decided on a Halloween costume for your little ones, here are some of my favourites.

1. Donald Trump (pictured above) – You have to love the hair! This costume makes the Donald look absolutely adorable.

2. Fire Breathing Dragon – A crafty Mom can put this together easily, and create a fantastic magical costume sure to be a showstopper.

3. Baby Yoda- Ok, its not the most original, but when I see a little one in this costume it makes me melt.

4. DJ Lance- He’s the funky guy from Yo Gabba Gabba and if my 3-year-old son didn’t have a costume already, this would be it.

5. Sushi Roll – My 6 year old loves sushi, so again, if I didn’t already have 2 costumes for her, and if I got myself organized a lot earlier, I would have made this her costume for Halloween. Oh so clever.

Animal School

I’ve blogged about this in the past, but I just can’t give enough praise to this video, or to Ellen’s website, Raising Small Souls. I’m fortunate to say that my parenting experiences have been wonderful, but as every Mom will know, there are just days (ok, weeks or even longer!), when things do get on top of you, when you find yourself shouting in the morning rush for the school bus, at homework time (“for the last time, come and do your homework NOW!!”), at bedtime (“stay in bed, please!”) and throughout the day (“don’t hit your sister!”).

My husband, who has infinite patience with the kids and has only ever blown up with them just two or three times in the 6 1/2 years we’ve been parents, keeps me in check by saying very calmly,

“you’re very angry these days”

And that’s always a good wake-up call! But aside from spousal intervention, there are a number of things you can do to stop the Mom fury ( I’ll be listing my favourites down in a future post). Ellen has an interesting article in her site which tells you to “yell at your kids in the afternoons, not in the mornings“, which is a great idea, because you can still yell, just not all day, which is do-able, right?

Now I’m all for a “joyful morning atmosphere”, but
some of her other “Rise and Shine” ideas, like making blueberry pancakes WITH the kids, is downright impossible in my household on school days. Like my husband, my daughter is a zombie for at least the first hour upon waking, so the idea of baking at 6.00 a.m. would probably solicit more yelling from me anyway. But she does make a good point in saying that:

“Let us begin with the premise that the morning sets the tone remainder of the day. We all know that ‘waking up on the wrong side of the bed’ can forecast the beginning of a troublesome day, so the opposite must hold true as well: a pleasant morning will foretell the wonderful afternoon that is ahead!”

Slow Down

The word “busy” seems to be a by-word for “Mom” these days. I recently went to a meeting called by my son’s preschool, for the parents to discuss the “United Nations” day booth which we organize every year. Out of the 18 or so Moms or Dads who were meant to be there – only 2 showed up. In fact I bumped into one of the Moms the next day (who is not a working Mom, mind you) and when I mentioned that she was missed at the meeting, she simply said, “Oh, I was just too busy!”.

Now I’m sure most of them had their perfectly valid reasons, as I do too sometimes, but for me, when “busyness” starts making you miss out on aspects of your child’s life, something is wrong. My 3-year-old son’s days have been busy preparing for this event, practicing the songs and dances they’ll perform for us, making the decorations and costumes themselves. It’s a big day for him, and if I can be a part of it, I will as much as I am able to.

So when I got this “Daily OM” from my Aunt, I thought it was indeed appropriate for all of us immersed in our “busyness“. Our kids our growing up so fast, we just have to try and slow down so that we don’t miss a thing.

Now please read this…. SLOWLY!

Enjoying a Snail’s Pace
Doing Things Slowly

Life can often feel like it’s zipping by in fast forward. We feel obliged to accelerate our own speed along with it, until our productivity turns into frenzied accomplishment. We find ourselves cramming as much activity as possible into the shortest periods of time. We disregard our natural rhythms because it seems we have to just to keep up. In truth, rushing never gets you anywhere but on to the next activity or goal.

Slowing down allows you to not only savor your experiences, but also it allows you to fully focus your attention and energy on the task at hand. Moving at a slower place lets you get things done more efficiently, while rushing diminishes the quality of your work and your relationships. Slowing down also lets you be more mindful, deliberate, and fully present. When we slow down, we are giving ourselves the opportunity to reacquaint ourselves to our natural rhythms. We let go of the “fast forward” stress, and allow our bodies to remain centered and grounded. Slowing down is inherent to fully savoring anything in life. Rushing to take a bath can feel like an uncomfortable dunk in hot water, while taking a slow hot bath can be luxuriant and relaxing. A student cramming for a test will often feel tired and unsure, whereas someone who really absorbs the information will be more confident and relaxed. Cooking, eating, reading, and writing can become pleasurable when done slowly. ! Slowing down lets you become more absorbed in whatever it is you are doing. The food you eat tastes better, and the stories you read become more alive.

Slowing down allows you to disconnect from the frenzied pace buzzing around you so you can begin moving at your own pace. The moments we choose to live in fast forward motion then become a conscious choice rather than an involuntary action. Learning to slow down in our fast-moving world can take practice, but if you slow down long enough to try it, you may surprise yourself with how natural and organic living at this pace can be.

Photo via TranBC