Year in and year out, people get all worked up about making resolutions for the New Year. I have to admit that I am one of them. I just like planning (even if just a little bit) on trying to become a better person. Of course, being a parent is an aspect that I can never ignore, and parenting resolutions are always part of the deal. This year, I have come up with a few resolutions that I would like to give a try. Let me share them with you and let me know what you think.
Have one “distraction-free” day a week. It can even be once a month. The idea is that each member of the family can get to enjoy each other’s company without the usual distractions of TV, video games, computers, and other similar things. Reading together, playing together, preparing meals and eating together – simply communication directly. This should improve relationships between all of us and lessen our dependence on external objects.
Learn to stop being a “fixer.” I have to admit it: I like to fix things and rescue people. I am solution-oriented, and if there is something that is not right, I will immediately do something about it. I guess a lot of parents have the same attitude, especially when it comes to their children. We want to make sure that the children do not have to suffer unnecessarily. We want to do things for our children so that they will have it easy. But you know what? When they get older, they will have to do things on their own. We should help them prepare for that day, and rescuing them all the time is not going to achieve that. Next year, I want to reign myself in in terms of being the rescuer of my kids. That’s not to say that I will stop doing things for them – I am THE mom after all; but my kids will learn to be more independent if I have anything to do with it.
Encourage a healthier lifestyle. From healthier eating to more physical activities – these are things that some children are missing out. We haven’t had too many issues in this regard, but I want to pay more attention to living a healthy lifestyle. Next year, I want my children to experience this lifestyle more in the hopes that they will carry it all throughout their adulthood.
What are your parenting resolutions for 2010?
After writing that post on cancelling Christmas, another controversial thought came to mind: is it right for us, parents, to encourage our children to believe in Santa? We all know (well, adults at least) that Santa is not real, a myth. There are even children who know and acknowledge this; but we cannot deny the thrill that ran through our veins when, as children, we would anxiously await what Santa was going to give us every Christmas.
On the one hand, we know that we are allowing our children to be kids and enjoy the magic of the season. The rationale is that even if Santa is not a real person, he does exist in spirit. Whenever a person exercises generosity of spirit without expecting anything in return, isn’t that something that Santa would do?
On the other hand, perpetuating the myth can be likened to lying to the kids. We already know that this person does not exist as we do, and yet we use him to make our children happy. We might even invoke his name when we want our children to behave.
I am sure that more than one of you guys has had these thoughts at least once. Did you ever resolve the issue?
Me, I think that I shall stick to allowing my kids to believe that Santa does exist. At least for now. They have all their adult lives to know the real deal. They will have 30, 40, even 50 years to spend knowing that Santa is really just daddy and mommy. Why spoil their childhood when they are clearly enjoying the wait and anticipation associated with Santa and his gifts?
I believe that allowing the Santa myth to go on is one way of nurturing their childhood innocence, their sense of wonder at certain things. Again, when they reach the age of 10 (maybe earlier for some), they will certainly learn the truth. It’s just like with many other things in life – children will have to grow up and learn that life is not all roses; but do we hurry up and destroy their innocence before we absolutely have to? I don’t think so. It’s the same thing with Santa. The kids are enjoying the whole idea – let them. When they start getting confused and start asking questions, then let’s deal with it. For now, why not enjoy the wonder and amazement in their eyes?
I remember a conversation I had with a friend, which happened many years ago, very clearly to this day. We were talking about how some parents “kill Santa” for their kids. This memory was brought to mind afresh just minutes ago as I was reading an article written by Lorraine Sommerfeld. Titled “Tough love parenting: Parents who cancelled Christmas,” the article talks about “extreme” measures that some parents take in order to straighten out unmanageable kids.
She talked about some stories of parents “cancelling Christmas:”
I wonder how many would feature tales like the year my mother cancelled Christmas.
Mournful little girls had to wait until noon to get their stockings, which had indeed been taken down and hidden. Mom was bigger than Santa Claus.
But a reader topped that one, too. Michael told me that the week before Christmas, his father went outside, shot twice into the air with a .22 rifle, then came back in and told two rowdy lads he’d killed Santa. My mother, apparently, had only delayed him.
This got me thinking…would I ever take on the tough love parenting stance to the extreme and do something such as cancelling Christmas? I cannot imagine myself telling our little ones that I have asked Santa not to drop by because they are behaving inappropriately, much less tell them I killed him. I suppose though, that cancelling Christmas can take on various forms.
Our Christmas plans are already set for the year, and the kids are not proving to be more trouble than they normally are, so I doubt that I will have the need to practice this kind of tough love this season. The article did give me some ideas on how we can give Christmas a little twist.
Perhaps, instead of getting all those presents from us on Christmas, we can ask them to pick out all the things they want to give away and then organize a little party for the less fortunate kids. That’s not exactly cancelling Christmas but teaches the kids a life lesson.
Anyhow, going back to tough love parenting…I find it particularly interesting that “frightening” children has a psychological and behavioral basis. Sommerfeld wrote that this is “the chance for kids to develop a behavioural conscience. What they see is that their actions have pushed Mom past a reasonable point. They will read past the content to the deeper meaning – there will be consequences for those actions.”
Reflecting on that more, I am beginning to see her point. Remember my 4-year-old rebel? Should I go out on a limb and try this out?
As we are now definitely spending our Christmas abroad, I’ve decided to let Christmas come early to our home. With our tickets booked on the 18th, and the business of shopping, school events and get-togethers looming, it made sense to start things early before the rush, when things go into full throttle after Thanksgiving. So over the weekend, we got the boxes of decorations out from storage and started the long, fun and sometimes emotional process of decorating. As Alvin and the Chipmunks played in the background, we managed to decorate the tree in a little over an hour, with just two fights, one tantrum and two broken ornaments. The smallest member of the family, our nearly-two Will, was especially adorable. With a very serious expression, he methodically placed ornaments on the bottom boughs of our tree, one after the other, for almost an hour, oblivious to everything else – which included his elder siblings arguments and tears (“That was my ornament!” or “He pushed me!”).
The rest of the holiday bits and bobs (the ceramic Gingerbread houses, the nativity set from Mexico etc) are slowly but surely finding their places, and hopefully I’ll get to decorating the staircase garland when I finish this post. If you haven’t started your Christmas decorating, check out these great tips I found below, which will should help get your family’s holiday season off to a good start!
Decorating the Tree – From always putting the lights first, to how you should stock up on cheaper ornament “fillers” and where you should place things for optimum effect – here are some very sensible tips to remember every year.
Get The Lights Right - Lights can make a huge difference in the overall look of your tree. Being safe is also essential. Learn how to do both right.
Making Your Own Decorations - This is a wonderful way to make the holidays even more special, especially if this is an activity you do as a family. Making ornaments is the easiest way to start, and if you have access to natural materials, you could be braver and make the bigger-ticket items like garlands and swags.
And lastly, make some house rules before you start. As kids get older every year, things change, so its good to lay down some method and rules beforehand to minimize the tears and arguments. For example, everyone takes turns to pick their 3 favorite ornaments first…and so on. My kids love Christmas so much that they get overly-excited, which, more often than not leads to emotions running high.
“Who’s Jack?” my 7-year-old daughter asked when she saw me writing this post. Of course I was referring to the “spooky” carved pumpkin perched on our front gate, who I’m afraid is starting to get mouldy. So what to do with poor old Jack, now that Halloween has come and gone?
1. Take him to a Pumpkin Party! - My kids will definitely love this option the best, only thing is that we don’t live anywhere near the Pumpkin Party Mecca, Sorauren Park in Toronto. Here, the pumpkins get a second lease on life and join a fantastic parade. Check out the rather wonderful photo above.
3. Have A Smashing Party! – Remember the 90’s grunge band? I do, so why not throw a Smashing Pumpkins party which is also nice for grown-ups who have a little stress to release. I wouldn’t go for the grunge, but rather, Martha Stewart, who has some fab ideas for a party like this (that is, if you still have energy after the Halloween revelry!).
3. Compost Jack – For eco-friendly Moms, this is a great option, and good way to get your kids outside and dirty! Here’s how. Be warned- there’s a bit of prep work involved.
4. Bury Jack – Last but not least, if your weary-from-packing-away-the-decorations-and-candy body can’t manage the composting plan, you could simply dig Jack in the garden. It beats the trash and I’ve been told he enriches the soil.
Next year, I think I’ll try some of the tricks these guys at My Science Project did. They did an experiment to see what would help pumpkins last the longest. The winner? Make a guess!
It’s been busier than usual, what with the school runs (oh why oh why did I join the PTA?), activity runs, Mommy-and-baby classes, renovating our new house, buying food, cooking the food…you get the picture. So I decided to take a breather yesterday and spend a couple of hours on ME, having a much needed wax and mani/pedi. It did wonders for my Halloween-weary soul, so please Make the time for yourself, Moms!
Anyway, after my rejuvenating little spa session, I decided to go full-steam-ahead with my Halloween party planning (a tradition I started with a good friend last year), with a mantra to keep in mind:
Keep it Small and Keep it Simple!
Last year, we went all out, spent far too much money and even if the kids had a fantastic time, we guiltily knew that they would have had an equally fab time with less of pretty much everything. And that goes for our planning time too!
So this year, here’s what we’re doing:
1. The E-Invites – Why waste trees, time and money when you can send a totally free, totally cute e-invite in no time at all? My internet savvy sister directed me to this terrific site, which enabled me to make the most adorable e-vite in about 15 minutes (check out the image I used above). It allowed me to access the email addresses from my account, and does RSVP-ing too- so easy! Oh, and most importantly we kept the number of guests down – 15 or less, including our own.
2. The Decor – This was an easy one – use last year’s!! Borrowing is also an option, as I’m sure you’ll friend plenty of relatives or friends willing to part with a few pumpkins, spiders and the like for one afternoon.
3. The Food and Drink – The kids would rather play games, do activities or simply run amok, so we kept food simple with 2 dishes and a drink each to provide. Another good reason to do it with a friend! Much as I melt at the scary cuteness in dishes like these, we’re keeping the spooky food theme to a minimum, because some of the smaller and fussier kids probably won’t get it or worse, eat it! Also, most of our very nice Mom friends sent their kids with something anyway, like last year some kids arrived with a couple of boxes of pizza, chocolate cake and little bags of treats!
4. The Activities and Games – This is the part my kids most look forward to, and can also be the most emotional! Since the ages of kids will be varying from 2-7, we picked just 4 games, two of which are “team” kinds, so the big ones can help the little ones rather than them winning everything! Spooky twists on old classics are the key here, like the “Black Cat Boogie” (musical chairs) and “Skeletons and Pumpkins Hunt” (scavenger hunt, but in the dark!). A couple of activities like pumpkin decorating (real or less messily done as a craft with cardboard and paint) and/or party masks are fun too especially for those kids who shy away from competitive games. This happily doubles up as something they can take home! I also like to have a “quiet” area, with a nice Halloween video playing and a few toys, coloring pages (print out 3 or so yourself and photocopy) and cutting pages, for the littler ones or kids just needing a breather from all the excitement.
At our Halloween party last year the best costumes were definitely Bloody Mary and the Boy-with-pencils-stabbed-into-his-head-and-body (also extremely bloody). They were the kids of a frugal and creative friend of mine, who proudly made the costumes herself, spending very little and putting the rest of our store-bought outfits to shame. I admit that I love surfing the web (months in advance, like an obsessed woman) for Halloween costumes, but when I think about how much I actually spend for these costumes to be used once or twice (or more if you get the younger siblings to re-use), it really isn’t funny.
The other day I thought I’d go through all the costumes/dress-up items we had, and we had three very large plastic boxes filled to the brim. Far too much. None of them were homemade of course, since I am completely talentless when it comes to sewing of any kind. If you must know, I actually hate it! But as one of my mantras this new year (it was my birthday last week) is to SAVE money and SPEND less, I am really really going to try and get creative with some homemade costumes this year.
Here’s what I found online, with a few of my favorite ones (fun and easy!):
1. The Robot – My 4-year-old son loves robots, and this is great for using recycled items around the house. You can go on the high side with spending (one parent spent $40 making one), but this “Candybot” seems easy and thrifty enough. With used boxes of different sizes, some paint and maybe some tin foil, a homemade robot could be yours for the taking!
2. The Dorothy – Ok, so this is an Ebay item, but still great I think. The Wizard of Oz is beloved in our household, and I thoroughly approve of a timeless costume like Dorothy, rather than some TV star who probably will be forgotten by next year. And with its unbeatable price of $5, including the ruby slippers and D’s wig, I say it’s a fab purchase.
3. The Lego Boy (or Girl) – Which kid doesn’t like LEGO? I like how you’ll be able to find your child easily in the sea of Halloween costumes. And there’s a big chance little brother or little sister will want to use this one again. It takes less than an hour (I kid you not) to make this bright little number, so no excuses for us busy Moms!
4. The Mummy – When a little boy swathed in bandages came trick-or-treating at my house last year I thought it was the cutest thing. It’s one of those costumes that are incredibly cheap, easy and pack a good punch! Simply buy (borrow or beg) gauze or bandage rolls, apply, and hey presto! You have an authentic yet spooky costume. Add a bit of red paint and grey makeup and things get even scarier!
5. Cheap and Cheerful – You can actually spend NOTHING at all this Halloween by going with the old Charlie Brown classic – the white bed sheet with holes. How charmingly retro! For more costs-next-to-nothing ideas, the Dollar Stretcher has some very simple tips – like a Nerd (her son won first prize with this!), Angel (use the same ghost’s sheet and make a halo with kitchen foil) and the very cute Heart playing cards made from cardboard and cut-out hearts! Would be perfect for twins, I think.
6. More Ideas Like Making Fake Blood- For lots more simple ideas you can do in mere minutes (from Rappers to Deviled Eggs), and making your own props (like no-sew capes, hooray!) and makeup, this page from Mahalo is a veritable one-stop resource for all of the above.
7. Ask For Donations! – Now here’s an idea that’s nice for Mom (and the Earth), but might not fly so well with the offspring. If a family member or friend asked me if they could borrow a Halloween costume for their kid, maybe something one of my kids have outgrown, I’d happily say yes. A chance to recycle and free up space at home! So ask around and chances are you’ll get a great costume thats only been worn once or twice. Borrowing might have a better success rate with under 3’s, but I say give it a whirl anyway.
Halloween is my favorite holiday (after Christmas, of course!), so the next few weeks will be all about spooky ideas, tips and treats to make our little ones’ Halloween the best one yet. This week, I have a guest post from Kelly Rockey who writes about Halloween costumes over at Star Costumes. It’s all about safety – probably the most important thing we parents have to think about when getting our kids ready for Halloween. Thanks, Kelly!
It’s that time of year when your little ones turn into goblins and witches and head out in search of Halloween treats! We all want Halloween to be a happy and safe holiday for our kids, but sometimes with the excitement of the season kids can be less than careful. Using these simple safety tips can help you make the most of the Halloween season and keep your children safe at the same time.
1. Pick a Safe Costume – Help your child pick out a costume that will help keep them safe by making sure it has a few key characteristics. Make sure it is fireproof and that vision is not obstructed with small eye holes. Make sure there are no long capes, strings, or hems on the costume that the child can trip on. Bright colors can help them be seen at night; if they are wearing a dark colored costume make sure they are carrying a light or you can affix glow in the dark tape strips onto the costume.
2. Practice Pumpkin Safety – When carving pumpkins all children love to help, here’s how to let them help safely. Do not let them use a sharp knife to cut into a pumpkin. For older children there are plastic saw-type knives on the market. For younger children just have them scoop out the gunk and then draw a face on it for you to cut for them. When placing the pumpkin out with a candle, make sure that it is out of the way enough that your child’s costume doesn’t brush by it and accidentally catch on fire. Or better yet there are “flameless” LED lights on the market now that are completely safe and look realistic. Another option is to use a glow stick for an eerie but safe glow.
3. Keep Their Props in Check – If your child’s costume requires them to carry an ax, pitchfork, butcher knife, or the like then you must make sure that the tips are smooth and flexible enough to not cause injury if fallen on. Also teach your child to never swing at or hit anybody with their prop.
4. Safe Candy is Yummy Candy – Always inspect your child’s candy before letting them eat it. Do not let them eat any candy that has open or broken wrappers. Always trick or treat in a familiar neighborhood so you know where your child’s treats are coming from. Feed your child a spooky Halloween dinner before going out trick or treating so they are less likely to eat their candy before you have a chance to check it.
5. Basic Safety for Halloween and Everyday – To make trick or treating as safe as possible make sure that your children know basic everyday safety such as looking both ways before crossing the street, never getting into a strangers car, and not talking to strangers. Also never let your children go out trick or treating without a responsible adult or teenager to chaperone them.
Ok, I know it’s only August, but in my book it isn’t too late to start planning our Christmas holidays. Actually, it makes a lot of sense because it can get really booked practically everywhere in the world that time of year, and booking early can mean saving $$$. We just bought a new house- well, a new “old” (80’s built) house, and after going through all our renovation plans, we were told by our contractor that there was pretty much no chance that we would be in there by Christmas. So we thought we’d get creative this year and take the kids somewhere different, somewhere interesting for Christmas. The only pre-requisite – SNOW!!
The first contender on our list is Sapporo, Japan. It’s a lovely city in Japan’s northernmost island, Hokkaido, and known to be a very child-friendly place (like the rest of Japan is), with family skiing and LOTS of fun activities. My husband and I love Japan, the Japanese culture and especially the food, so Japan was a good choice. Plus, it won’t be as crowded like a lot of Western places over the holidays because of the Shinto/Buddhist religious aspects.
One more good thing is that the hotels and resorts in Sapporo are pretty affordable and often have great deals. Christmas is apparently a good time to go, because aside from the snow, there is fab shopping (for Mom) and interesting things to check out, like the Sapporo White Illumination and the German Christmas Market – cool! Check out the photo above, which was taken during the Sapporo Snow Festival, which happens in February.
Happy Earth Day 2009! One of the best things you can do to Save the Earth is to educate your kids about the environment and sustainability – making it a fun process that they can carry through for the rest of their lives.
Luckily, most “big” schools now teach kids about the environment, about recycling and even organic farming, so helping kids in grade school or older is easier than ever before. My daughter’s 1st grade class, for instance, visited an organic farm for their field trip last year and they saw how lettuce was looked after and harvested naturally. She knows not to leave the tap running when she brushes her teeth or washes her hands (I hear her scold her little brother that he’s “wasting!” water), turns off lights when nobody is using them, and talks to me excitedly about what it means to recycle.
For preschoolers, it’s a little more challenging. I have been trying to teach my 4-year-old some of the basic principles I taught my daughter, but I just get a sort of “bored” look most of the time. So my project, beginning this Earth Day, is to get my son more involved with some hands-on work. I found some great ideas online, like on iVillage, for instance, they have a useful article about how you can “Go Green at Any Age”. For preschoolers, they suggest things like this:
Teach your preschooler how to help pick out ripe seasonal fruit and vegetables for their snacks and meals. Show them that when they have finished their fruit and vegetables, there are parts that can be composted. Involve your children in composting your food scraps, coffee grounds, etc. Get them used to seeing that food waste is not garbage but rather something that can be turned into soil to grow more food.
Another site I like is Funschool, which has a lot of fun games and activities I know will appeal to my computer-loving little boy.
And lastly, for baby Wills, I’ll be dressing him in organic or sustainable clothing today (and as much as my bank account can afford!) but more often than not, I’ll be doing this: let him use his big sister and brother’s old clothes, shoes and toys. That’s recycling for you!
