One of the things my husband and I have done for our children is to start saving for them. We opened bank accounts for each of them, and when their piggybanks are full (filled by us, where we’ve gotten into the practice of emtpying out our change every day into them) , periodically take the change to the bank and deposit it into their accounts. When our son did a television commercial and got paid quite handsomely for it, we put that in as well.

So all well and good, but how about their Emotional Bank Account? When I first learned about that concept, I was extremely concerned whether I was making enough regular deposits there as well. After all, what good would a fat account full of money be to them in 20 years time if emotionally they were bankrupt? I’d hate to think it, but that money we saved for them would probably go to drugs or alcohol.

So here is HOW to get that emotional bank account filled starting today, courtesy of Ellen C. Braun:

An emotional bank account? Think of it this way: When your checking account is overdrawn, it is hard for you to give away money. Similarly, people have emotional bank accounts that must be sufficiently full for them to give away- not money, but time, personal responsibility, and good behavior.

Adding regular “deposits” in your kid’s emotional bank account is smart investing in their future, so they will feel secure in “withdrawing” or giving back to you in the form of respect and proper obedience of your rules. A child who feels that he is running a “negative balance” will gain pleasure from making Mom or Dad get angry. In a backwards psychological way, the power the child yields over his parents in driving them to extreme frustration can fill an otherwise empty emotional bank account. It’s the classic case of the child who would rather get negative attention from their parents than no attention. Being yelled at is better than being ignored, as it fills his emotional account with a “bad currency” rather than leaving it “in the red”.

Here are some suggestions of “deposits” to bump up the balance in your child’s emotional bank account:

1) Give him a gift for no reason.
2) Place a note that says, “I love you” in her lunch bag.
3) Let him choose (from options you provide) the next family vacation.
4) Spend time alone with her at a location of her choice
5) Truly listen when she speaks to you
6) Believe in him, and his ideas.
7) Do a surprise favor for her.
Give him specific and truthful complements.

Making regular deposits in your children’s emotional bank accounts will yield dividends beyond any those of the highest-performing stock on the market!

[tags]Bank accounts, emotional bank account[/tags]

I’m not one who enjoys going through forwarded emails, but this particular one sent to me by my Mother I just had to share in this blog. Its a tear-jerker alright, but something I think other Moms out there will appreciate. One thing I do know is that until you become a Mom yourself, you’ll never truly understand how much your Mother loves you.

” The young mother set her foot on the path of life. “Is this the long way?” she asked. And the guide said: “Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it.. But the end will be better than the beginning.”

But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried, “Nothing will ever be lovelier than this.”

Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, “Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come.”

And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children,” A little patience and we are there.” So the children climbed, and when they reached the top they said, “Mother, we would not have done it without you.”

And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said, “This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage. Today, I ‘ve given them strength.”

And the next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother said: “Look up. Lift your eyes to the light. ” And the children looked and saw above the clouds an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the darkness. And that night the Mother said, “This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God.”

And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with
courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And mother said, “I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end
is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them.”

And the children said, “You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates.” And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates
closed after her. And they said: “We cannot see her but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence…….”

Your Mother is always with you…. She’s the whisperof the leaves as you walk down the street; she’s the smell of bleachin your freshly laundered socks; she’s the cool hand
on your brow when you’re not well. Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she’s crystallized in every tear drop. She’s the place you came from, your first home; and
she’s the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can separate you.

Not time, not space… not even death!”

[tags]Mothers, Inspiration, Mother’s Love[/tags]

Moving into more inspirational topics, I recently received an email from one of my Mom groups, urging me to look at this short video. It was called “Animal School” from a website called Raising Small Souls.

I watched it and teared. It was truly a beautiful video about a child’s individuality. I urge you to watch it, whether you are a parent or not as I think it applies to us all. As a parent, I am always looking for ways to learn how to be the best parent I can be, and so I eagerly signed up for the website’s newsletter whose message seemed to be more than the usual developmental stuff you see on Baby Center (not that I dont think thats useful too, it is, but its not enough), but it touches on parenting on an emotional level too.

“Raising Small Souls” was created by a mom-of-three, Ellen Braun, and her husband who is a doctor amd principal at a vocational school for at-risk teenagers. Her ideas and notes on parenting accumulated throughout the years and this site, filled with all kinds of useful parenting advice, was born. Another nice thing I noticed was the personal touch her site had, which is not common on the web these days. After I registered for the newsletter, I got an email from Ellen, welcoming me, and saying:

“When you have a free moment, feel free to tell me about your child or children, and the most pressing parenting question on your mind. I will do my best to address your question in an upcoming issue of RaisingSmallSouls’ newsletter.”

She then apologized in advance if she wasnt able to respond right away, which is not surprising, but the whole thought was very nice, I thought. Parenting is a very personal and emotional job, and I await her newsletters with much anticipation.

As Ellen says:

“If I help just one family raise happier and emotionally healthier children, then this site has accomplished its goal,I hope that family is yours.”

How wonderful is that?

[tags]parenting advice, emotional parenting,parenting tips, raising small souls[/tags]

To de-mystify ADHD a little more , here are the symptoms the doctor will be watching out for, classified into the classic three types. Read and learn:

1. an inattentive type, with signs that include:

* inability to pay attention to details or a tendency to make careless errors in schoolwork or other activities
* difficulty with sustained attention in tasks or play activities
* apparent listening problems
* difficulty following instructions
* problems with organization
* avoidance or dislike of tasks that require mental effort
* tendency to lose things like toys, notebooks, or homework
* distractibility
* forgetfulness in daily activities

2. a hyperactive-impulsive type, with signs that include:

* fidgeting or squirming
* difficulty remaining seated
* excessive running or climbing
* difficulty playing quietly
* always seeming to be “on the go”
* excessive talking
* blurting out answers before hearing the full question
* difficulty waiting for a turn or in line
* problems with interrupting or intruding

3. A combined type, which involves a combination of the other two types and is the most common

[tags]ADHD,ADD,Kids,Health[/tags]

As a follow up on my post some days ago about ADHD Paranoia, I did some research on ADHD, and to be honest, am still non the wiser on whether my paranoia had some basis or not. What I do know is that I do have a daughter who is decidedly a handful (having a tantrum now as I type this over not having TV control because Daddy wanted to watch his sports), and the only way to really find out is through a battery of tests given my a psychiatrist.

So here’s what I dug up:

What is ADHD? Attention Deficit Hyper Activity Disorder. In the old days they used to just say things like “Oh, Jamie is hyper”, but I guess now the norm is more like” oh, Jamie has ADD and takes medication”.

Doctors explain though that the difference between old fashioned hyperactivity which most small kids have, is that kids with ADD have the symptoms for a prolonged period of time and it adversely affects their functions at home, and in social situations. Its frighteningly become a “common” disorder, said to affect 8-10% of school children.

But where is the line drawn between normal naughty kid behaviour and a medical disorder? Unfortunately, like I said earlier, its a call only a trained professional can make.

[tags]ADHD,ADD,Kids,Health[/tags]

As you’ll easily notice from my last posts, my four-year-old is a handful these days. She shouts at the top of her lungs as often as she can, cannot seem to sit still at home for longer than 5 minutes and will do all that is humanly possible for a preschooler to avoid bedtime - or prolong it at least.

The night before last I found her sleeping on the floor in her bedroom, and last night she asked if she could sleep there again. Is this weird behaviour or normal for someone her age?

Anyway, at a meeting at her school the other day where we Moms were roped in to organizing an entire classroom as Mexico (food, costumes,decor and all-yaaaa!) for UN month, her principal started talking about a new music-based program starting for kids with special needs - like ADHD- and I swear, I just felt she was pointedly looking at ME.

I nodded emphatcally to the Principal, but inside a wave of paranoia swept over me. Did she think my daughter had ADHD? To be honest, I don’t really know what it is exactly. I just hear about it everywhere - on tv, through friends, spoken casually in conversation like its the most normal thing in the world.

When I told my husband my worries, he brushed me off saying our daughter was a normal, energetic kid just like he was. Yes, “normally energetic” is ok, but a label like ADHD on your child is a nerve-racking prospect.

So before any more paranoia sets in, I’m off to google for a bit of educating.

[tags]adhd,parenting,kids,mums,mothers,fathers[/tags]

Here is small selection of divorce books for parents worth checking out at your local bookstore.

1. Child Custody: Building Parenting Agreements that Work
by Mimi E. Lyster

A practical guide for dealing successfully with this touchy issue. Checklists and worksheets make the whole process with its somewhat daunting legal implications a lot simpler to face.

2. Its Not Your Fault Koko Bear
by Vicki Lansky

This is a heartwarming storybook for parents to read together with young children when facing a divorce. Parents with young kids have given this book glowing reviews saying how it helped their child get in touch with and understand their feelings when going through this difficult time. Kids really relate to this one. Highly recommended.

3. Dinosaurs Divorce
by Marc Brown

This time its dinosaurs taking on the emotional turmoil of divorce, but in a way that will engage kids and hopefully have a positive influence with its cheerfull illustrations. Its on the long side (31 pages) and the different chapters tackle issues from “What is Divorce” to “Living in Two Homes”. A good way for parents and children to open up honest dialogue.

4. Difficult Questions Kids Ask And Are Afraid To Ask About Divorce
by Meg F. Schneider

Parents with older kids (after preschool) were reassured with this book and claimed that the questions hit very close to home. The subjects and ages vary though, so an overall good range for parents.

After my last post and my recent uncomfortable experience, I thought it would be useful to know HOW to talk to young kids about divorce. Whether its you and your husband going through one, family members, friends or a movie or tv show, here are some useful tips I found to explain the rather serious matter to little ones:

1. Keep it short and simple - lengthy elaborations can be lost on tots, instead say something like: “A divorce is when two people who are married stop being married. They do this because they aren’t happy living together anymore.”

2. Honesty counts - If the divorce is yours, make sure you tell your child why (”we were fighting too much/making each other sad”) AND always say that it ISNT their fault and thet you’ll both always love them.

3. Talk about it - You need to help the child understand what is going on and dispel as much fears as you can from them by continuing to talk and answer questions when they ask.

4. No blaming - If its happening to you, dont make it seem like your partner was the baddie (even if he was - well, to a point.). Same goes for friends, family and so on. Negative comments can do damage to a child, if that child has a relationship with the person in question.