The world is scary. There is no denying that. As parents, it is quite common to feel the need to shield our children from the horrors of the world. We want to shelter them from the bad elements that are out there. On the other hand, as adults, we also know that one day, they are going to have to face the reality of what goes on outside of our loving home.
Even right now, with the ease of getting information, it is hard to keep our children totally sheltered. Take what happened in Haiti. No parent would want to talk about the difficult time that the people of Haiti (adults and children alike) are going through right now. Then again, our children are bound to find out on their own. More so, this can actually be an opportunity to impart some values to our children. But how do you go about it?
One thing that I consider very important is the age of the child. While I would like my children to know about what goes on in the world, I also think that they have to be a certain age to understand reality. One need not explain human suffering to a 4-year-old! I think that about 7 years old is just about right. At this age, they have a more mature way of understanding things and with the right kind of explanation, they will be able to handle difficult topics better. Of course, there are no absolutes here. You’d have to judge your child’s capabilities on your own.
Another important consideration is to reassure your children that whatever is happening to others right now is NOT happening to them nor is it going to happen to them. That second bit is close to not telling the truth, I know. After all, no one knows what will happen tomorrow! Then again, there is no need to frighten the children more than they probably are. At a riper age, they will certainly find out that the future is as uncertain as can be. For now, they need to hold on to the idea that they are safe and that their parents (us!) are here for them.
Emphasize certain values that you would like your children to learn. Going back to the Haiti issue. You may be far away but this is a great chance to teach the kids to give to others and help. You may not be able to hold a big fundraiser or a similar activity but you can donate as a family to the Red Cross. Little things like these are remembered by children and will stick with them through their adult lives.
Any tips that you might want to share?
Feeling stressed? Parents are no strangers to stress. We breathe it. We live it. But have you noticed that our children can get stressed, too? There’s school. There’s peer pressure. Then there’s the visit to the dentist or the doctor. There are so many things that can get to our kids.
I remember my boy when he was younger. He used to get frustrated easily when it came to his toys. He would try to do something and when it didn’t work out the way he wanted to, when he wanted it to, he would start making growling sounds. Sometimes, he would even end up throwing toys around.
What do you do when these things happen? Do you just let your child handle it alone and consider it a learning experience? Personally, I think that parents should step in and talk their children through stressful periods. Here are some ideas which can help.
Talk your child through it. When you know that something is stressing your child out, approach him/her and try to get him/her talking. Stress is always triggered by some issue, and the sooner you get to the bottom of that issue, the more you can deal with the stress. You can also help your child deal with his/her mental condition. Teach him/her to say positive phrases in his/her mind and repeat them over and over again. Examples would be “Calm down,” or “I can handle this.” Whatever phrase you think will work for your child, emphasize that.
Teach your child breathing techniques. These work for adults, why not for children, too? When I was going through a particularly stressful episode, a yogi friend taught me a couple of breathing techniques. The simplest – and yet quite effective – one is to just take deep and long breaths. You just need to focus and do it slowly. You also have to count (at least up to 3) while inhaling and exhaling. After several repetitions, you feel yourself calming down. A twist to this is to inhale through your mouth with your tongue twisted (this may not be possible for those who are not genetically able to twist their tongues). The idea is that the air going in is cooled, by the tongue; and this supposedly has a more calming effect. I have been doing this a lot and it helps!
Make a “stress box” with your child. Get an old shoe box (or if you want, buy one of those nice storage boxes from the mall) and fill it up with little things that make your child happy. Stress balls, Play-Doh, a coloring book – whatever calms your child down. Make it a point to always go to the stress box when your child starts getting stressed. Pretty soon, he/she will be going to it on his/her own.
Any other ideas on how to teach your child to handle stress?
It’s summer vacation, and this year we decided to enjoy the time we have together as a family, without busy schedules or classes, with just the time to really do anything or nothing for once! Last summer we did no less than 3 trips, and in-between I enrolled the kids in summer classes (N did a reading workshop, O an art class), so you can imagine how the holiday went amazingly quickly and not without stress! This summer we wanted to do the opposite, so aside from a 2-week trip to visit Grandpa P, we had NOTHING else planned.
Great?! Well, yes, aside from one small detail. My kids have been fighting like cats and dogs (ok, worse!) on a daily basis. Maybe it’s because we are at our beach house and there are no other kids around, maybe its because the beach hasn’t really been swimmable so they’ve been pushed with things to do…maybe they just have serious personality clashes?….
Luckily, the truth is that siblings WILL fight and there really isn’t much we parents can do about it (other than scream and make threats). But I did find this very useful bit of advice from Positive Parenting, which said:
“Instead of reacting to the fighting, parents can choose to be pro-active. They can stay out of the fights in a nonjudgmental way. Children need to be able to settle things for themselves. Parents can teach negotiation skills later during a calm period. Teach your child to say “I’ll give you these blocks for those.” This will help them learn win-win skills that will be there when they are needed now and useful in the future.”
I’ll be giving this a try in about 30 seconds….
Let’s face it. One of the things we parents have to deal with is our kids getting sick or injured. It’s a part of growing up, especially if you have accident-prone kids like I do.
My four-year-old Ollie gets a bump/wound/scratch almost daily, and a few months ago had a bad accident in our garden where he cut his head open and was rushed to the ER. While playing with his big sister, he fell through the fence constructed by our handyman and nearly fell into our pool (which had just been cleaned out and empty). He was grabbed just in time by the handyman, so didn’t fall into the pool but slammed his head on the tile. My husband saw the whole thing and was going to kill the handyman for his shoddy work (it wasn’t nailed in properly), but he did save Ollie’s life…so it was a hard one. Luckily Ollie didn’t need stitches and aside from my husband being covered in blood ala Carrie, it turned out to be a minor injury. It could have been much much worse though, so we are grateful and have since taken extra precautions to make sure that all areas in our home were safe. Ollie was feeing a bit traumatized for the next few days (as were all of us), but I think he’s recovered now.
Here are some great tips from After The Injury, a really useful website for parents who have to deal with their child’s injuries. Whether your child’s injury is big or small, it helps to remember these things so that your child recovers faster.
While doctors know that injury prevention is the best “medicine,” the sad truth is that kids still do get hurt- lots of them- even with the most vigilant parents. In fact, 9.2 million children are treated in an emergency room for an injury each year, making it equally important for parents to know how to handle what happens after the injury.
1. Let your child know that he or she is safe. In the first days and weeks following an injury many children fear that something bad might happen to them again. Learn more about helping your child with new fears or worries.
2. Allow children to talk about their feelings and worries, if they want to. Let your child know that it’s ok to feel a little upset. The circumstances of an injury can be frightening, and it’s not always easy to know how to talk with your child about it. Here are some things that other parents have found helpful for talking with their child.
3. Go back to normal routines. It is important to help your child get plenty of sleep, eat regular meals, keep up with schoolwork, and spend time with friends. Here are some options to consider if the injury gets in the way of things s/he used to do.
4. Increase time with family and friends. Children who get support from family and friends seem to do better in recovering after upsetting events. Try reading together, playing games, or watching movies together. Listen to what some parents had to say about how to help their children remain connected after an injury.
5. Take time to deal with your own feelings. In addition to all of the things you do to help your child, it’s important to remember to take good care of yourself. Learn more about your own reactions and get tips for taking care of yourself.
6. Keep in mind people in the same family can react in different ways. Your child’s feelings and worries about the injury might be different from yours. It’s important to monitor how your child is doing and when reactions might signal trouble. Learn how to gauge your child’s emotional recovery and identify any reactions that might need special attention.
Visit After the Injury to read full tip sheets, learn more about child injury and pain care, take a quiz to rate your child’s reactions to injury, and create a personalized care plan to help parents help their child recover from injury.
I get newsletters from a lot of places, and admittedly I mostly just skim through them, only really clicking through if I find something especially interesting – like the other day! In my Fisher Price newsletter was a link to their 50th Anniversary toys, toys from my childhood.
If you grew up with Fisher Price toys like I did, I urge you to visit this page, I honestly got incredibly excited remembering the beloved toys my sister and I once played with for many happy hours. One thing I wasn’t aware of was how the “Little People” toys of today evolved from the ones we played with in the 70’s. My kids have the Christmas sets, which they love playing with, but the characters just don’t have the same appeal. They look too much like cartoons in my opinion (which I admit is completely biased!).
The first “house” I had was this yellow house you see above. I still have it in storage in my Mom’s house but sadly it’s pretty war torn with the pieces all disappeared – boo hoo. Fisher Price now has a “50th Birthday” version, which is just a few “retro” figures in a tin which vaguely looks like the original. A poor substitute, I think! They could have at least made replicas of the original people.
Other favourites which tug at my childhood heartstrings are the Sesame Street “street”, pictured at the top of the post and the airport just above. I could go on, and go the extra mile by actually purchasing these toys on Ebay (tempting, if it weren’t for the exorbitant prices), but for now I’ll just have to be content to look wistfully at these online photos.
For more memory tripping, check out this 1977 Fisher Price catalog, which I think is meant to be a bit of a joke, but for a seventies kid like me, is another lovely walk done memory lane.
Depression, anger, lack of social skills and many more, these are classical signs of either underlying sickness or too much stress. Nope, you’re not crazy but might need help, who needs psychologists who charge tons of money. Get help from people like you who may have overcome these challenges themselves and have ample experience to help you through. From seasoned professionals who are well versed in such cases or merely people who want to help and have dealt with people like you, what’s important is to accept that something is wrong and that help is needed.
Acceptance is one of the most difficult things to do, for no one, and we mean no one wants to admit it outright they have issues. Pent up anger can get out of hand and easily turn violent without therapy and counseling. Have a child who seems out of the game most of the time, get help quick so you can get help on tips how you can help them develop into more lively kids.
Getting help is the first step, recovery is the ultimate goal which we all strive to attain. Learn how people overcome fear, anxiety and dread of things we take fore granted. Learn how your fears can be turned into positive approaches to the most common problems we face. The current economic slump isn’t helping either, lost your job, need help or simply want a sympathetic ear to ease away the pain. Depression is so hard to battle when you’re alone. You sacrifice your health, family and life for something that can be addresses with simple yet effective conversations. Get help, get on your way to a healthier you, inside and out!
Written by brian on March 5th, 2009. 7 Comments »
Filed under Dads, Emotions, Health, Home, Inspiration, News, Relationships, Safety, Sleep, Teens, Tips, Website.
First of all, I have to tell my dearest husband: Honey, I LOVED your post! Only you could have come up with reasons that make such brilliant sense…..and I agree with all of it, except that the idea of our children glued to the television screen (wii remote in action or not) for HOURS on end just doesn’t sit well with me, whatever the multiple benefits are. But because you were the Superdaddy while I was away – keeping our three angels happy, entertained and relatively healthy (I heard about the monster-size cones at Dairy Queen) while I lazed on the beach and drank cocktails, I won’t argue with you on this one – for now at least 
But back to my absence – going off with your girlfriends for a few days is one of the best things a Mom can do, and I highly recommend it. I am speaking of my best friends from high school, who I only see about once a year (if we’re lucky) as we live on opposite sides of the globe. To be honest, I wasn’t raring to go – they practically forced me on the trip, while I worried and hesitated, nervous that my little family couldn’t survive without me, or me them. Especially as I am still nursing Wills, the youngest. The answer to that one? f.o.r.m.u.l.a (I brought my breast pump too, of course) and some gentle (and unselfish!) encouragement from the hubby.
More »
Are you a good listener? I actually find it amusing that I got the idea for this post from one of those online quizzes in a social networking site. I like taking those quizzes when I am passing away time. They may not be as accurate as they can be but they are fun and sometimes, provides valuable insight – like this one. As I was reading my results (I am supposedly a good listener although I don’t always come across as one), I could not help by relate the topic to being a parent.
As Munashe shares in his blog, the art of listening is perhaps one of the most important – if not THE most important – things that a parent should develop. What does the art of listening entail?
I believe that it is more than sitting there and hearing the things that your child has to say. It is not a passive activity but an interactive one. You actively listen by understanding what your child is saying and contributing something to the conversation. More so, listening entails understanding that maybe, at times, your child just wants to be heard and does not really need to be told what to do.
I think that is one problem that arises when children share things with their parents – we sometimes automatically think that we need to provide a solution to whatever they are presenting. Have you ever thought that maybe your child just wants to rant and let off steam and be heard? I sure know that I feel that way a lot of times.
So do you take the time out to really listen to your child? How do you listen?
Today I watched the Animal School video of Ellen Braun yet again. It never fails to make me somewhat teary, but more importantly, inspires me to be a better, or as Ellen rightly says, effective parent.
I’ve blogged about this in the past, but I just can’t give enough praise to this video, or to Ellen’s website, Raising Small Souls. I’m fortunate to say that my parenting experiences have been wonderful, but as every Mom will know, there are just days (ok, weeks or even longer!), when things do get on top of you, when you find yourself shouting in the morning rush for the school bus, at homework time (“for the last time, come and do your homework NOW!!”), at bedtime (“stay in bed, please!”) and throughout the day (“don’t hit your sister!”).
My husband, who has infinite patience with the kids and has only ever blown up with them just two or three times in the 6 1/2 years we’ve been parents, keeps me in check by saying very calmly,
“you’re very angry these days”
And that’s always a good wake-up call! But aside from spousal intervention, there are a number of things you can do to stop the Mom fury ( I’ll be listing my favourites down in a future post). Ellen has an interesting article in her site which tells you to “yell at your kids in the afternoons, not in the mornings“, which is a great idea, because you can still yell, just not all day, which is do-able, right?
Now I’m all for a “joyful morning atmosphere”, but
some of her other “Rise and Shine” ideas, like making blueberry pancakes WITH the kids, is downright impossible in my household on school days. Like my husband, my daughter is a zombie for at least the first hour upon waking, so the idea of baking at 6.00 a.m. would probably solicit more yelling from me anyway. But she does make a good point in saying that:
“Let us begin with the premise that the morning sets the tone remainder of the day. We all know that ‘waking up on the wrong side of the bed’ can forecast the beginning of a troublesome day, so the opposite must hold true as well: a pleasant morning will foretell the wonderful afternoon that is ahead!”
When you have a new first grader, the world suddenly revolves around two words Moms like me hate to hear (and, gulp, do). Let Go. Ever since Kindergarten, my daughter has proudly been telling us, her teachers, and anybody who cared to listen, that when she turned 6, she would be going to the biggest school in our area. A huge co-ed establishment with fantastic facilities and a great sports programme, my sporty, sassy and independent kid loved the idea of it, and so did I, until the day came when I actually had to leave her there. On her own.
So there she was, hair neatly braided, brand new Hannah Montana backpack and My Scene lunchbox, sitting in her first grade classroom with 13 other 6-year-olds whose Moms were slowly leaving the open door where we all peeked in. As I watched my child sitting proudly at her desk, I secretly hoped that she would look back at me and say she didn’t want me to go (which she never did), and eventually, as I made myself walk away as all the other parents had, I realized that today we had both reached a milestone. She was growing up and I was letting her get to it.
