I recently received a review copy of Fiona Neill’s latest novel The Secret Life of a Slummy Mummy, and I’m looking forward to some light reading!
For Lucy Sweeney, motherhood isn’t all astanga yoga and Cath Kidston prints. It has been years since the dirty washing pile was less than a metre high, months since Lucy remembered to have sex with her husband, and a week since she last did the school run wearing pyjamas. When Husband on a Short Fuse is no contest for the distractions of Sexy Domesticated Dad; Yummy Mummy No 1 has more cash flow than parenting advice; and Alpha Mum is putting a slur on your questionable domestic habits, it’s hard to remember exactly why anyone would give up a career and their sanity for three raucous sons and less than blissful domesticity. Lucy is living in a state of permanent emergency and the white lies to cover up the trail of chaos and illicit desire are about to be exposed …This is an irresistible first novel about the dilemmas of motherhood and modern marriage for those who never discovered their domestic goddess within.
I haven’t started to read the book yet, since I asked my wife to check it out for me first. But I’ve scanned through the pages, and went to the Slummy Mummy site over at Random House, and I feel I can relate–perhaps more with Sexy Domesticated Dad (minus “Sexy”) given that I hold office at home, and every morning I bring the kids to school and fetch them in the afternoon. I’m not exactly a homebody, but running a SOHO, I can say I’m probably more domesticated than most dads out there (and now I feel like a cat for being labeled such).
What exactly is a Slummy Mummy? Perhaps you can answer the Slummy Mummy quiz to see if you are one. Oh, and I took the quiz myself. And guess what! I’m a slummy mummy! LOL!
Fiona Neill is a features writer for The Times magazine and creator of author the Times’ Slummy Mummy column. Previously a foreign correspondent in Latin America, then assistant editor at Marie Claire and then The Times magazine, the author was brought up in Norfolk, she now lives in London with her husband and three children.
The Secret Life of a Slummy Mummy is published by Random House in the UK and Penguin in the US.
“Where do babies come from?”
Ah, the dreaded talk. It’s the moment that parents don’t really look forward to. And sometimes it’s the moment that kids (especially those old enough to understand) don’t really want to go through. But then when is the right time to have “the talk” and what is the most appropriate way to go with it?
This is especially true with conservative societies. Some people would rather sweep things under the rug, escaping responsibility because talking about it might be considered taboo.
To the contrary, the topic of sex should not be something hidden behind an iron curtain. As parents, we should understand that humans are sexual beings at–and even before–birth. We were made to be male and female, and there should be no malice with how we discuss these matters with our kids. Reproduction, after all, is a God-given gift. These things should be handled with openness, and yet with sensitivity.
So do away with the “birds and the bees” or the “Mr. Pelican” talk. It’s time kids learn about the truth.
It’s important for parents to be there to guide kids about matters about sex. Children today can be overwhelmed by inputs from the media and from their peers. For all you know, they could be getting the wrong ideas and false information about sex. These could lead to dangerous situations later on (such as unreported sexual abuse, teenage pregnancies, and the like). It’s best for kids to be aware of themselves and their sexuality so that this could not be exploited by other people.
The Mayo Clinic has a great introductory article about having “the talk” with your children. It involves dealing with human sexuality at various stages in a child’s life. This is probably a good reference when you feel the time has come for that talk.
Incidentally, this will be my last post here on the Parenting blog for a long time. Lara has come back from taking care of the Pirates stuff. I will perhaps post here from time to time, though. And of course, I’ll still be around as your host at several other Splashpress blogs like the Blog Herald, Jack of All Blogs, Gadzooki.
Sibling rivalry is as normal as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. This is especially strong when kids only have a small gap in their ages. Sibling rivalry can be a manifestation of jealousy or competition among two siblings, and can happen as soon as a new child is born into the family. Usually, this progresses from fighting about toys, to getting attention from parents, and then to more serious things as children grow up, like career paths and material possessions.
Dealing with sibling rivalry can be complicated. However, you can start solving this by keeping a few simple concepts in mind.
Sibling rivalry is usually caused by the feeling that parents have unequal preferences or give unequal attention to children. A toddler might be jealous of the time you spent caring for an infant, for example. Or a grade-schooler can be jealous of the freedoms you give his older brother or sister in high school.
The most basic way to minimize rivalry is by not comparing children, ever, and by giving them equal attention. You should also not take sides, as this will make them feel you have favorites. It’s also a good idea to let children cooperate instead of compete. This reinforces the idea that they should not fight for attention, but help each other do good things.
Recent studies say that today’s children suffer the problem of obesity. And this problem keeps on growing (no pun intended!) unless we curb our unhealthy eating and food preparation practices ourselves.
Kids today are highly influenced by the media–so what they see on TV, or hear in songs have a high likelihood of affecting their habits, and this includes eating. How many times do you see advertisements for fastfood restaurants, and even junk food on TV? And how many times have you seen those shows on TV where kids display a dislike of veggies and just about any food that’s healthy?
And then, of course, the more time that our kids spend in front of the TV watching shows or playing games would mean more time eating snacks that are likely to be oily and fatty.
Childhood obesity can lead to various diseases such as hypertension and diabetes. These usually stay on until a child grows up. There’s a saying that an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure. So therefore this means you should try to prevent obesity while your child is young, so that he or she will not have to experience health problems as he grows up.
Nutritionists suggest using the food pyramid as a guide to what you should be feeding your child–and it’s a good idea to adopt this as a guide to what the entire family should be eating, too!
- 3-5 servings a day of vegetables, especially green, leafy vegetables;
- 2-4 servings of fruits a day;
- 2-3 servings of meat, fish, eggs, nuts, or beans a day;
- 2-3 servings of dairy products including cheese and yogurt every other day;
- occasional use of fats, oils, and sweets.
- 6-11 servings of grain a day such as rice, bread, cereals, and pasta;
You will notice that even fats and sweets are part of the food pyramid. Of course. There’s no such thing as “junk food,” since everything we eat will have some nutritional value. However, there’s such a thing as a “junk diet.” This means it’s the combination of what we eat, and how much of each portion, that matters.
Happy eating!
Kids are like sponges. Especially at the preschool age, they absorb just about anything they see or hear. Kids are like parrots, too. Often they would repeat just what they hear other people say. My two-year-old daughter, C, is like this. She repeats everything her older sister says. And most of the time, she understands just what is being said–she has quite a wide vocabulary already. Otherwise, she would repeat what has been said and ask, “Dad, what’s that (the thing that had just been uttered).”
Unfortunately, kids can also easily pick up on foul or mature language, whether from other people or from media like television or radio. And things like these are very very difficult to unlearn.
So it pays to be careful with what you say around kids. They can easily imitate. Of course, it helps to know that they probably don’t understand much of what they’re saying (like foul language). But then again, these aren’t very pleasant to the ear, and they might keep on uttering these until they eventually learn the meanings when they grow up a bit.
Those who read my personal (tech) blog would know that I’m very fond of cartoons and other children’s shows. The reason: well, some shows on television today are not only geared towards children, but they’re adult- or parent-oriented, too.
For example, when P was a toddler, she loved watching High 5, Blue’s Clues and the Backyardigans on Nickelodeon. I got to appreciate the music and the artwork in those shows. Today, my kids are more fond of the Disney Channel than other channels on cable. We get to watch Art Attack!, Mickey Mouse cartoons and other such Disney offerings. And guess what one of our favorite shows is: Kim Possible. Actually, it’s more of a teen-oriented show, because of the nature of the characters (High Schoolers).
Of course, as time goes by, TV programs grow with their audiences, so you can expect the themes to become more mature. For instance, many of the Disney shows we watch like Kim Possible, Hannah Montana and Totally Spies often discuss relationships. This is similar to other now-defunct kid-oriented shows like the late 1990s’ Lizzie McGuire and the like.
The humor is usually witty enough even for the mums and dads to really appreciate. Sometimes I tend to worry that these might already be affecting my kids in a bad way. But then again, I tell myself they’re too young to understand such things.
However, it’s always best not to just ignore the risks. As a parent, I try to keep an active role whenever we watch TV or movies, so I can adequately explain the situations being depicted in a way my kids could understand.
My older daughter, P, is currently enrolled at a small preschool. There are only three levels–beginners, junior kinder and senior kinder–and the entire student population is only about 40 to 50 (divided into morning and afternoon sessions). However, we’ve been trying to look into other schools lately, especially the bigger ones. We’ve been thinking that since P will eventually have to move to a bigger school once she’s elementary age, it might be good to start now.
Many parents used to think bigger always meant better, especially with the stability (since the child won’t have to move schools). However, that may not necessarily be the case today.
Here are some of the pros and cons of big schools and smaller ones. Of course, I’m referring to private schools here.
Big schools are usually stable and already established. These would usually have classes from preschool up to high school, so parents need not worry about looking for another school when the child outgrows the school. Most of the time, big schools are recognized institutions, so it will be a very good reference when applying for college or when transferring to other schools.
Smaller schools, meanwhile, may not be as established as bigger ones. However, these are usually more flexible, and can accommodate progressive curricula, which are getting into fashion these days. Usually, parents can also have better involvement when in small schools. In my case, for instance, my wife teaches at my daughter’s preschool–so I know the people, and I feel comfortable leaving my kids with them.
It’s still a decision we have to make. Of course, there’s the question of finances (tuition costs are so high these days!). That’s worth another blog post altogether.
Toilet training can sure take a toll on one’s patience. For one, you usually have to wait until your child is ready before you can start. And while you’re toilet training already, sometimes it’s a hit-or-miss thing (no pun intended!).
My eldest daughter, P, has just started toilet training. She’s already three-and-a-half and it’s only now that she’s started. My wife and I had actually been planning to toilet train her before starting school (she’s attending Beginners’ level right now), but apparently she wasn’t ready yet. So she’s been wearing her nappies even to school until that time a few weeks ago when she told us she didn’t want to wear diapers anymore.
Toilet training doesn’t really come at a “right” or “prescribed” time or age. You just have to wait until your child is ready. You have to wait until your child is mature enough to understand that she has to go to the toilet; otherwise she’s going to wet herself and/or the floor (or other furniture) if she misses.
How do you know she’s ready? It’s usually when she can already tells you she wants to go pee or poo-poo. This means she’s already aware of how it feels when one is full, and she’s already aware that she should hold it in until that time she has access to a toilet (or a toilet trainer).
Remember, there’s no age “too old” or “too young” for toilet training. This depends on emotional maturity and readiness, so it can come at different ages.
It’s an age-old question: what is the right time for a child to start attending school, or at least preschool. There is no exact answer to this question, though. The closest is it depends. In the times before it became custom for both mother and father to go to work every weekday, it was thought that it was best for children to remain at home until the time they’re old enough for elementary school (about six or seven). When families also felt the need for the mothers to work full-time, it became common for three or four-year olds to attend preschool, too.
One good way to check is to observe your child. If he has trouble with developing social skills like sharing and playing with other children by age four or five, then he/she most likely needs to attend preschool so as to have experience with social interaction before kindergarten. Most preschools these days use a developmental curriculum, which is focused not on academic learning, but on socializing and practical skills.
You can also check what your child’s interests are. Some preschools include play-based programs that can help with exploration in different fields like science and math, and these might be helpful especially in a child’s academic formation later on.
So the actual answer lies within your family! If you think the time is now, then it’s best if you can visit several preschools (best if they’re near your home) so you can personally see which ones seem most appropriate.
The other day, I wrote a short intro about “Web 2.0″ applications, particularly blogs and social networking sites. Actually I feel like I’m preaching to the choir, since if you’re reading this, you are most probably aware of blogs and blogging. Still, it’s best to cover all our bases. A lot of people may know about the so-called new media, but are still not as vigilant about online security as they should be.
For those with kids in the adolescent to young adult ages, blogs and social networking sites can prove to be risky in terms of privacy and security. These sites, by nature, are used to share one’s experiences and identity online. Social networking sites, for instance, commonly feature personal profiles and photographs of the account owner. Blogs, meanwhile, can contain journal or diary-like entries, such as the author’s private thoughts, and what happened in the course of a day.
It’s just like taking a peek into a person’s mind, and knowing his/her thoughts, habits, problems, and other details–maybe even contact information and home addresses!
There are those who can use these information the wrong way. There may be predators, stalkers, and other people with malicious intent. And they can take advantage of the innocence of young individuals and do bad, abusive stuff online, or worse, they can bring it offline!
Next, I’ll share some tips on how to avoid being a target.
