How many times have you heard or uttered the phrase “Grow up?” I suppose that you can not count. This phrase is often used in a wide variety of contexts. Yet what does grow up really mean? What does it mean to be grown up? If you are of legal age and you have children, does that necessarily mean that you are all grown up?

Well, if you were to ask author John Cheetham, parents are not necessarily “grown up.” This author from Melbourne has a new book called “Grow Up! How to raise an adult by being one yourself” and in it, he challenges parents to quit behaving like overgrown children and start acting their age. I don’t have a copy of the book as of yet but the information presented in News.com.au has gotten my interest. Here’s a sampling:

He says parents should stop drinking, smoking, swearing and losing their temper - particularly when driving. He thinks parents are too over-emotional, too over-protective and over-react to their teens’ faults. “The most important thing is to remember the power of example,” Dr Cheetham said. “Parents need to be in tune with their emotions - it’s not what you say, it’s what you do. And this means not having an episode of road rage on the way to taking your son to get his learners.”

If you think about it, this is an age old principle. Walk the talk and so on. I suppose, though, that in this day and age of indulgence, we can always use a reminder like this book. Now here is my question: Are you a grown up parent?

It is that time of the year again – when children go back to school. For some it is coming back. It is a familiar experience. Something that they look forward to. For others, it is a totally new experience. There is the element of fear as well as anticipation. For the parents, the supporting role has never been more important. This is especially true for those parents who have kids who are going to school for the first time.

I still remember my first day in primary school. My mother worked as a teacher in the same school I went to. Still, it took two teacher helpers and the teacher herself to pry me away from my mother’s arms. And I was bawling like a baby.

How can we help our kids when they first go to school? The best thing to do would be to make school familiar to them. They are going away to a strange environment and will be out of their comfort zone. Even before they actually have to go to school, there are some things that we can do to help them.

One thing that you can do is to pass by the school often and point it out to your child. Tell him good stories about school and prepare him for the day that he would actually have to go there. Build it up and encourage him. More so, tell him about your own positive experiences in school. Tell him how exciting it is and how he is going to learn a lot of things and make new friends. Try it – it has worked for me.

But how about you, how do you think you can prepare your child for school?

Nothing’s too expensive or too much for my baby, right? I suppose that this is a normal way of thinking for some parents, especially those who are going to have their first baby. Though it may sound nice and loving, it is not necessarily right nor is it practical. The truth is that you can still give your baby the best without having to spend an arm and a leg. What are some things that your baby can do without? Here are several that have come to mind.

Changing station
There are tons of items at the store that you can get for your baby and a changing station is one of them. Though they can be useful, I think that you can very well change your baby on the bed, on the floor, or on the table. The important thing is that you have a towel or thick covering to protect your baby. You don’t really need to buy a changing station, that’s the bottom line.

Specially designed baby baths
You will definitely need a baby tub but I suggest not buying the designer ones. This is because your baby will outgrow the tub much quicker than you originally think. So, pick out a reasonably sized tub which is also reasonably priced.

Special toys
There are toys and there are branded toys. I have nothing against the good brands when it comes to baby toys. However, some of them are just way too overpriced. Do not buy those just because of the brand. Look around for toys that would meet your baby’s developmental needs and do not focus on the brand.

In the previous post, we took a look at two of the important things that you would have to consider financially if you are planning on having a baby. There are some other things that you would have to make sure you can provide your baby with. Let us take a look at them.

Dressing your baby up
I don’t mean dress up as in designer onesies and other clothes. You just have to make sure that you have suitable clothing for your baby. Clothes for everyday use and for when he or she goes out - those are all you would really need. Though you might be tempted to buy fashionable items from designer brands, which seem to be quite popular today, do not waste your money on them.

Diapers
In the old days, they didn’t rely too much on disposable diapers. I still remember my mother using reusable cloth diapers for my youngest brother. They may not be as convenient as disposable nappies (you have to wash them all the time) but they are actually cheaper in the long run. More so, these cloth nappies are actually better for the baby as they promote better air circulation.

Baby products
Soap, powder, baby oil, and the like are necessary for your baby’s daily hygiene. Just remember that you do not really have to spend on expensive items, though. The basic baby soap and powder would do just as well as the more expensive ones.

Making the decision to have a child is one of the biggest decisions you would have to make in your life. Though not everyone of us has a choice in this matter sometimes, we can still plan when to have children. When you think that you are ready to have a child, or you are already expecting one, there are many considerations that you would have to look at. In these difficult financial times, it might not be the best time to have a baby but if you are already facing that situation, then here are some things that could help get you prepared.

Contrary to popular opinion, you do not have to get EVERYTHING for your baby. As much as you would want to get everything and anything, if you are constrained by your finances, there are only some essentials that you have to have when your baby arrives. Let us take a look at some of them.

Somewhere to sleep
Though your baby could technically sleep in your bed with you, it would be better to have a crib or a basket where he or she could sleep. This would help everyone get a better night’s sleep and keep the baby safe and comfortable as well.

Food
You can opt to breastfeed or use formula. We all know that doctors recommend breastfeeding but there are some cases wherein it may not be possible. Whether you are going to breastfeed or use formula, you have to prepare for the costs involved.

(to be continued)

Photo courtesy of k.Akagami

I don’t know if you would agree with me but sometimes, our culture puts too much premium on little boys being tough and brave. Boys shouldn’t cry. Boys shouldn’t be afraid of the dark. Boys shouldn’t be afraid of thunder and lightning. And the list goes on and on.

I am sure, though, that parents of little boys know better than that. Children are children and when they get exposed to something that they find scary, they can either become braver or more scared. This topic of children being scared came to mind earlier this week. I was just dredging up some memories and suddenly thought of how some parents try to shelter their children from anything remotely scary.

Television shows are strictly regulated and so are books, movies, and other media. While I do agree with this regulation (for other reasons), I believe that children should be exposed to “reasonably” scary material from time to time. The truth is that our children will be exposed to scary things and events no matter how much we shelter them.

If they are of school age, they will certainly hear about and maybe experience scary things outside of the home. Same thing if the children go outside to play. We just cannot control certain things! So how are we to handle this issue? What if your little boy is a scaredy cat?

I haven’t had a serious problem with this but in my experience, reassuring your child about his safety and at the same time making him aware of the realities of the situation works. How about you, what do you do to help your child with his fears?

For some reason, allergies have suddenly become the common theme at home these past couple of days. I suppose the weather might have something to do with it but I am quite certain that a little bit of oversight on our part (with regard to food) has had a role in the whole matter as well. It does not matter at this point – we just need to deal with the allergies. For future reference, though, I thought I’d share some tips on how to handle allergies in this post. I am sure that many of you have their own allergy issues to manage.

KNOW the allergen
I think this is the most important thing of all. Though of course, in the beginning, we might not be able to determine quickly what the cause of the allergy may be, through time, we are able to zero in on these. I guess we are a bit unfortunate on this end because my husband was allergic to almost everything when he was a kid and some of the allergies are recurring now. If you are not sure what is causing the reaction with your kid, try isolating possible factors. From food to laundry products – anything can cause reactions. Of course, it would be good to pay the doctor a visit to do some tests which will yield conclusive results.

Be OC about labels
Never mind that OC has some negative connotations to it. The fact is that you have to be OC to a certain degree, especially if your children are prone to allergic reactions. Read labels (food and other products) carefully and make sure that the products do not contain anything that might even remotely trigger an allergic reaction.

Maybe a better question would be, does parenting really affect personality? I am going to be honest right from the beginning – I have no clear cut answers to these questions. The reason I am posting about it is that my friends and I got to talking about children’s personalities as compared to their parents’ personalities.

Friend O was wondering out loud why her child was such a quiet little girl – she’s 2. She was wondering because she is a very gregarious person and so is her whole family. Obviously, her daughter is the “odd baby out.” Anyhow, we got to talking about what shapes the personality of a child.

Is it hereditary? Is it because of one’s parenting style? If it were hereditary, then naturally extroverted people should have extroverted children. But this isn’t always the case (as it is with my friend O). That is why I tend to lean towards parenting style having a great effect on children’s personalities.

I also found some material on this topic. Irene Watson shares how parenting styles can really affect the personality of your child:

Research on parenting during childhood and adolescence has focused primarily on the effects of parenting behaviors and styles. A crucial element of parenting is the way in which the parents attempt to control the child. Numerous consequential factors that seem to be significant have been isolated. Of course, the degree and kind of control that the parent exercises over the child has portentous ramification for the development of personality.

Studies and theories show that genetic analyses do not contribute to the framework as much as does the within-family environment in effecting personality constructs.

What is your take on this?

We recently paid a visit to our friends and we all had a blast. You know how my husband and I love video games but we do not really want the kids to be too attached to them. I still place a strong emphasis on reading. Our friends had a Wii, though, and we all played some games – children and adults alike.

So how was the experience? I have to say that it was better than I expected. You see, with the other video game consoles, most of the time, the person playing is totally engrossed in the game and does not have much interaction with the people around him. With the various games offered for the Wii, however, there are more opportunities for groups of people to actually interact with each other while playing the Wii.

Do you know the board game Cranium? Well they have a Wii version called Kabooki and children and adults can spend a whole night playing the game. It presents more of a challenge because the game utilizes actual movement of the controller for certain tasks. The Wii Sports package also presents opportunities for players to develop team work.

That being said, I actually think that Wii is good for children. Aside from the fact that human interaction is not lost when playing Wii games – in fact it can be enhanced with certain games – I think that there are more Wii games that are geared towards kids.

So would you agree with me that getting a Wii is a good idea?

I know I do. I have been told oftentimes that “worry is my middle name.” This cliché spans generations and cultures and is, I believe, quite true especially for parents. I remember how my mom acted when I was in high school. Mobile phones were not common those days and there was no way of keeping track of children at all times. That is why we had curfews. Then I went to college. I had to call home several times a week to reassure the parents that I was fine and was staying clear of trouble.

Now that I am all grown up, I suppose it is but natural to carry the tradition of worrying about children. Will my kids be safe in school? Are they in danger of being bullied in the play ground?

I can just imagine the predicament of parents who have teenagers. Would they be all right when they go to parties? Would they have the willpower to withstand peer pressure and do the right thing? Would they be safe driving?

Is this kind of worry healthy or is too much? I read an article at BC Local News which shared a heartwarming story:

She remembers talking many years ago to her brother-in-law, my now dearly departed Uncle Val. I was about 12 at the time, so my brothers would have been 15 and 17.

“I know our generation is going to make it through life with jobs and being financially stable, Val, but I worry about the children,” said Mom, whose fears raising three boys by herself at such a time could certainly be justified.

My uncle paused for a moment, then told Mom something she never forgot.

“Don’t worry,” he told her soothingly. “You and I have made it growing up through the Depression as children ourselves and, as young adults, through a world war. Our own parents certainly had cause to worry about us, too.

“Our kids will survive, adapt to their surroundings and thrive in love and life as much as fate permits.”

He was right. It’s true, completely true. Only I still worry. And, like Mom, probably always will.

The author was right – worry is part of the job.

Photo courtesy of kellynocca