Summer camp is good for the kids – it seems that that is the general consensus. But exactly how does summer camp achieve that? I read this great article on reasons summer camps create great kids. Little Red sums it up nicely.

Camps Don’t “Teach to the Test”: “What we are seeing is that schools today are increasingly “teaching to the test” and in the process stripping out invaluable parts of their curriculums such as theater, dance, art and music programs, and physical education.

The idea is that children who go to summer camps do not participate because they are going to be tested at the end of the whole thing BUT simply because they need an outlet for all that creative energy that may be pent up within them. They go to summer camp to have fun, period.

Learn to Love and Respect the Natural World: “There is a real danger that our children’s generation won’t pick up the environmental mantle since they are spending a record-low number of hours in nature.

Learning to appreciate the natural world is something that we cannot take for granted. This is especially true for children who grow up in the city. Unless their parents make it a point to spend time outdoors with the kids, the children may very well grow up not having a healthy appreciation for nature. Spending a couple of weeks outdoors in summer camp can help offset months and months of city living.

(to be continued)

Every year, when summer comes around, summer camp programs are held all over the United States. It used to be that summer camps were all similar – bonding with nature and other kids, learning to socialize, learning outdoor skills, and the like. Today, however, there are many different kinds of camps that children can participate in during the summer.

I have a question in mind, though. Are summer camps really necessary? Why do we send our children to summer camps? Can’t they have a perfectly good and fun summer at home? After all, the latter choice would save us parents a considerable amount of money. Indeed, why do we regard summer camps as a must during this time of the year?

I tried looking for answers to these questions but it seems that everyone thinks that summer camps are part of life – and that’s the end of the discussion. I thought that maybe it is a cultural thing – like, it has always been part of American culture. However, it seems that the rest of the world are into summer camps as well, despite the fact that summer occurs at different times of the year. In fact, there are quite a lot of summer camps held in different countries year in and year out.

So what is it with summer camps? I think that I shall read more on this for the next post. Don’t get me wrong – I have nothing against summer camps, I am merely thinking aloud here. Maybe some of you have answers to my questions?

Photo courtesy of bluviolin

This is to be expected, right? After all, even us adults may have the tendency to ignore the advice of other people who are close to us. Yet what bothers me is the fact that some children, especially teenagers, would ignore their parents’ advice and then follow the same exact bit of wisdom if it comes from someone else.

I haven’t really thought about this idea much until I read Kori Rodley Irons’ post “They Might Need to Hear it from Someone Else (Too).” She says:

No matter how wise and forthcoming I think I am with my children, they are never as keen on my advice and wisdom as I imagine they should be-in fact, they are often downright resentful! Over the years, I have learned that often times it is not the advice that is sour-they just need to hear it from someone else.

Though this is not always the case, there certainly are times when it happens. Is this because of something not quite right in the relationship between parents and children? Maybe, but I would like to think that children go through a stage wherein they need reaffirmation from elements outside of their immediate family circle.

This is even truer for teenagers who tend to look to their peers for acceptance and affirmation. Or perhaps they have an uncle or an aunt whom they feel an attachment to. No matter who it is, they just seem to need to hear certain things from them as well – even if their own parents have already said the same thing.

I guess I should not be that bothered. After all, I do the same thing to my husband sometimes – or so he says.

I guess you’ve had enough of me pointing out where us parents could go wrong, huh? It is good to reminded every now and then though, isn’t it? So anyhow, I think that for the last entry in this series, I’d focus on one controversial issue: punishing children.

I wrote about harsh parenting in April. In that post, I raised the question “where do we draw the line between maintaining discipline and harsh parenting?” Indeed, where do we draw that line?

In her article, Nancy Shute says:

Although spanking has been deplored by child-development experts since the days of Dr. Spock in the 1940s, as many as 90 percent of parents think it’s ok to spank young children, according to research by Murray Straus, a professor of sociology at the University of New Hampshire. Kazdin and other behavioral researchers say parents commonly punish far more harshly than they need to.

To her credit, she does not totally rule out the need for physical discipline. She just suggests that there are other ways to discipline aside from spanking. I totally agree with her about the idea that “finding bigger sticks” may not be the best course to take. After all, if you spank your child and he does not respond positively, how would a harsher (physical) punishment be any different?

I like the idea of timeouts. In my experience, this works well for young kids. The article suggests:

Discipline works best when it’s immediate, mild, and brief, because it’s then associated with the transgression and doesn’t breed more anger and resentment. A timeout should last for just a few minutes, usually one minute for each year of age of the child.

Makes sense?

Photo courtesy of artbyheather

We took a look at how being overprotective can harm our children’s development. How about nagging, or as some describe it, repeating and reminding?

I personally do not see a problem with repeating instructions or requests, especially if the child does not seem to hear OR ignores a parent. However, we may have to go back to an earlier stage where we set the limits and the rules. It should be that when mommy says it is time to stop playing and time to wash up for dinner, she does not have to repeat herself. On the other hand, children will be children and sometimes, they will not follow the first request. In these instances, I believe that repeating the instruction is totally fine as long as one does so firmly. That is not nagging, is it? More so, we shouldn’t really YELL just because an instruction was not followed the first time it was given. According to Nancy Shute, “In fact, there’s abundant evidence that humans tune out repeated commands… Nagging also gives children “negative reinforcement,” or an incentive—parental attention—to keep misbehaving.”

The next time you feel the beginnings of a “nag”, bear that in mind.

Another area that we should be careful with is in giving praise. Giving praise is a positive thing – as long as it is not done too much and in the proper way. Have you ever met people who thought that the world revolved around them, that they are the best ever, and that they are God’s gift to mankind? Perhaps these people do so because their parents praised them to no end, making them believe that they are better than other people. I would like my child to have a healthy amount of self-esteem but it should be based on reality and not merely a perception. Get what I am saying? Share your thoughts?

Photo courtesy of LightSpectral

In the last post, we talked about how parents fail to set limits and how this is where some of us go wrong. Thanks for the readers who commented on that post and highlighted the fact that it is not really the setting of limits that becomes a problem. Instead, it is the ENFORCING of these limits which is very important.

Another point that was raised in the article by Nancy Shute is that some parents are overprotective. According to her:

Teachers, coaches, and psychotherapists alike have noticed that parents today can’t stand to see their children struggle or suffer a setback. So they’re stepping in to micromanage everything from playground quarrels to baseball team positions to grades.

I don’t know too many people who are this overprotective of their children but I can name one or two. And yes, the results are disastrous. Children who get used to having their parents do everything for them grow up not knowing how to handle life. It is as simple as that!

If there is one thing that I believe we should teach our children, it is equipping them with the skills to handle whatever life throws at them. There is no going around the fact that they will have setbacks but we will not always be there for them. They have to learn that they have it in themselves to handle whatever they will eventually face. Otherwise, they will be weak and spineless adults. Now who would want that for their children?

Photo courtesy of PinkBelt

A reader of ours brought a veritable treasure trove of information on parenting to our attention. Visiting the U.S. News & World Report web site for parenting articles hasn’t really entered my mind but when we got an e-mail from Whitney Akers from the said web site, I decided to take a look. What did I find? TONS of material for every parent out there!

I was particularly intrigued by an article by Nancy Schutte entitled Good Parents, Bad Results. I have seen this happen one time too many and even the thought of my children growing up to be imbalanced or maladjusted despite my best intentions scare me out of my wits! So where do parents go wrong? The article presents 8 scientific facts to help explain the problem. Let’s go over them together shall we?

Failure to set limits.

It would be hard to find a parent who doesn’t agree that setting and enforcing rules are an essential part of the job description. Yet faced with whining, pouting, and tantrums, many parents cave. “The limited time you have with your kids, you want to make it ideal for them,” says Forehand, a professor of psychology at the University of Vermont whose evidence-based program is outlined in his book. “As a result, we end up overindulging our kids.”

Oh boy, isn’t this true! We do have certain limits in our minds. We even tell our children about these limits. At the mall, for example, we say you can buy one new game for your Gameboy. Or, you can play in the arcade for 30 minutes. We KNOW that we are going to enforce these limits. Yet when those cute little eyes plead us for another game or just 30 more minutes, we find it easy to give in at times, don’t we?

The bottom line? Permissiveness does not really help our kids at all. We need to set limits and enforce them. Let’s look at the other areas in the next posts.

This question was asked of me by a friend who is a relatively new parent. The first thought that came to mind was “Well, you should have talked about this in the first place!” Of course, I didn’t say that. After a few moments of thinking, I had to qualify my “mind statement.” Indeed, there are many things that you talk about before you get married and start a family. However, it does not mean that everything goes as you plan. We all know that, don’t we?

So what do you do when you have kids and you and your partner have differing views when it comes to raising your children? Who is to be followed? How do you instill discipline?

A few things have come to my mind since that conversation. If I were to find myself in that situation, one of the things that I would seriously consider is to take the advice of those who have come before me. Parenting classes, perhaps. Or maybe counseling sessions. Advice from my parents. Advice from older friends who have had more experience. Any kind of input, I would welcome. I would go through the information with my husband and sift through it – find what we can use.

Another important thing would be to talk it over thoroughly with my husband. I think that the most important thing is to be able to present a united front. We need to reach an agreement – compromise in different aspects. It is not going to be easy but it is workable.

How about you? What would you do if you were in this situation?

I once heard someone say that they wished that there could be a guide book on parenting. We all know that there is no such a thing as hard and fast rules when it comes to being a parent but they can be guideposts along the way. The kind of parenting class that I am talking about is something which goes beyond the preventive stage, though.

I read an article yesterday about a mom who was ordered by the court to take parenting classes. Why? Because she left her kids in the car while she was playing poker. Here is an excerpt of the article:

A Grandville mom who left her kids in the car while she played in a charity poker game will have to pay $450 in fines and take some parenting classes.

Judge Steven Timmers told Diem Thi Tran Thursday that if she paid the fines and met other conditions within six months, her criminal record would show that the charges were dismissed.

Tran was at a charity poker event at Woody’s Press Box, 5656 Clyde Park Ave. SW, on April 23 when an officer said he found her three children asleep in her car around 1:17 a.m. in the parking lot.

The Wyoming Police report stated witnesses claimed the children — ages 5, 10 and 15 — had been in the car for as long as three hours. Tran also was charged with no valid insurance and defective equipment on the car.

I don’t mean to be judgmental here, but I just cannot imagine any self-respecting parent to leave their children in the car for any reason! Will parenting classes help this mother? Perhaps. Or maybe they should also take a look into her habits – gambling being one of them.

About a year ago, I posted an incident that happened to my daughter at the mall. She was wearing her pink crocs when it got caught in the escalator. After reading other incidents similar to ours, I thought for sure that the company behind crocs would have done something about it. Now, a year later, I am dismayed to read about another similar incident. This was brought to my attention by a reader, Michael. (Thanks!)

Here’s an excerpt of the article that was published on CBS4:

A child’s Crocs shoe was sucked up into an escalator at a Denver area shopping mall Wednesday afternoon. The 4-year old was not hurt, but his shoes are a little worse for wear and he was shaken up a bit.

It happened as Blake Schalk was riding down the escalator near Macy’s at Flatiron Crossing in Broomfield with his aunt and uncle, according to his family. Blake told them his shoe was getting tighter. That’s when they noticed the escalator chewing up the Crocs shoe.

Blake’s dad, Matt Schalk, told CBS4 “It was on the side of the escalator, between the wall and the escalator, not the top or the bottom.”

Blake’s aunt pulled him to safety. That’s when the escalator shut down. It was closed for 2 hours for repairs.

WOW – I just cannot imagine shoes being chewed up by “the side of the escalator.” It seems to me that aside from its aesthetics, there REALLY is something wrong with crocs!!!