My little girl has a LOT of energy. I’m not sure if its just her age (4 1/2), or if this is something I will have to contend with for the next 15 or so years. With school just running from 8 a.m. to noon, I have to cook up other activities for the rest of the day or she’ll be scaling the walls until bedtime. And speaking of the dreaded hour when parents are praying for the beginning of peace in their day, I’ve found that if every little bone in her body isn’t tired enough, she’ll be using every excuse in the book to scrounge another few hours of awake (read play) time. Try “mom, my leg is itchy” or ” mom, I’m really thirsty” (this is an effective one that gets a trip to the potty too) or “mom, its too hot in my room” etc etc.

So aside from signing her up for the “extended day program” at school a few times a week, she also has playgroup on wednesday afternoons and football practice three times a week. Not that the latter means I get tuesdays, thursdays and saturday afternoons free to shop or get a direly needed pedicure, but on those days I get to sit on ant-infested bleachers for two hours with Readers Digest. And if I take my 20-month-old toddler along to the playground adjacent, the whole exercise becomes a full-on workout. Such is mother’s life!

[tags]kids,kid problems,fathers,moms,energy,hyperactive[/tags]

Carrying on from the last post, I’ve stumbled upon the question - “Is Kid Burnout Possible?” Obviously the answer is yes, but perheps even more relevant is the question “Are Parents Knowingly Sending Their Kids To Burnout?”.

I had some drinks one evening with two good friends, all of which have kids roughly the same age of mine. Anyway, as these evenings go, the topic naturally went to our kids, mothering and other mom friends (does the last count as gossip?). Husbands were within earshot, so clearly that topic had to wait for another time.

But what I discovered was interesting. Most, if not all Moms with kids over 3 let their kids do at least 2 or 3 activities a week apart from school. In my case, my daughter has playgroup, football and now is dabbling with ice skating. One friend’s son goes to futsal (indoor football), swimming, and playgroup. Another friend’s daughter went to ballet, kumon and playgroup 3 x a week.

But to beat us all was another friend, who’s daughter did a “Leapfrog” class at Gymboree, ice skating, t-ball, ballet AND playgroup 3 x a week aside from full-time Kindergarten. Granted, her Mom is one you could clearly classify as a type “A” mom. Skinny and seemingly always stressed out, this Mom, bless her heart, runs several businesses and is also known to be a very caring “hands-on-type”. And I just cant help but wonder if this hectic schedule is too much for a 4-year-old??? I doubt my little girl could handle it - and she’s got masses of energy.

How much is too much? Does it depend on the child or the parent? Definitely something to chew on.

After my husband read my last post, I was greeted with a somewhat accusing ” Mamma’s boy, huh?” comment, looking pointedly at our son. Now, its put me in the unfair position (and he’s a big “life is unfair darling” advocate), as I seem to get mini-looks of “aha - mama’s boy!”, when our son comes up to me for an extra long cuddle or worse- when I tell our 4-year-old to share her toys with little brother. Oh dear.

Anyway, I’ve decided to do a little more on Fathers, which will include (surprise, honey!)…..Daddy’s Girl.

But first off, with thanks to Wikipedia:

The Definition of Father

A father is traditionally the male parent of a child. Like mothers, fathers may be categorised according to their biological, social or legal relationship with the child.

Historically, the biological relationship paternity has been determinative of fatherhood. However, proof of paternity has been intrinsically problematic and so social rules often determined who would be regarded as a father e.g. the husband of the mother.

This method of the determination of fatherhood has persisted since Roman times in the famous sentence: Mater semper certa; pater est quem nuptiae demonstrant (Mother is always certain; the father is whom the marriage shows).

The historical approach has been destabilised with the recent emergence of accurate scientific testing, particularly DNA testing. As a result, the law on fatherhood is undergoing rapid changes. In the United States, the Uniform Parentage Act essentially defines a father as a man who conceives a child through sexual intercourse.

Its hard enough raising healthy children, so when I think of parents who raise children with disabilities with much more patience and creativity than I can even hope having, I am filled with admiration and inspiration.

I read somewhere today that Autism in the US has increased by a shocking 172% since the 90’s, making it the fastest growing developmental disability where 1 in 166 children are affected by some form of the disease.

How true that it does seem to have gone mainstream these days. My cousin, who is 18 years old, has Aspergers, a high-functioning form of autism. He was able to go to mainstream schools (albeit with difficulty) and now attends University, able to take the subway on his own to and fro school - but he has never had any friends. Also, it is virtually impossible to have a “normal” conversation with him. Sure, you can talk to him about something he’s currently “obsessed” with, but if you try to talk about something else, he’ll act like he never heard you - or simply walk away.

In my daughter’s pre-school, she has a classmate who is much bigger and obviously older than all of them. Last year, he wouldn’t even look at you and would get very upset during school performances. He always tapped or smelled my daughter’s hair (she didnt seem to mind much and was always very kind to him - something I am very proud of) and really didnt make any proper friends in class.

I’m not quite sure what form of autism he has, but it seems to be one that is improving, because he actually smiled and said his poem in front of all us parents at this year’s show without too much fuss - an amazing improvement. It was wonderful!

Even this book I’m reading now by Nick Hornby was made to raise funds for autistic children ( I didnt know it at the time of purchase, but am pleased now that I bought it). Why? because his son is autistic and sadly not like my cousin or the boy at my daughter’s school, but whose case was much more severe.

Anyway, Nick found a school in the UK called the TreeHouse and it helped his son tremendously. The book, entitled “Speaking with the Angel” is a collection of short stories by slick contemporary writers from both sides of the atlantic . Aside from profits of the book going to help children with autism get proper help, the back of the book gives useful information on how you can help/find more about these great organizations in London and New York.

Today my husband and I attended our daughter’s PTC or “parent-teacher conference”. These meetings are a great way to know how your child is doing at school, what she’s been learning and its a chance to get to know her teacher as well - so its always a good idea to come prepared with any questions you may have.

Lately, our four-year-old has been going through an “everything-is-boring” stage, much to our frustration. I have no idea how she learned the dreaded concept, but just in the past couple of weeks, activities which she used to LOVE, like football or playgroup, has been labeled with “boring!” and a refusal to go. Sigh.

Well at school, she never ever says the “b” word and according to her teacher, shows much better behaviour than what we see at home. So its interesting to see the different sides to your child at home and at school - in our daughter’s case, her teacher noted distinct leadership qualities and a willingness to share, as well as some newfound shyness. At home that reads as bossy, not wanting to share toys with her baby brother, and the shyness? non-existent.

On top of that, there were some areas of concern - that she needed more help with writing lower case letters. Also, I need to work on her self-esteem as apparently sometimes she takes her classmates’ (innocent?) teasing to heart.

So, expect more posts on that - I’m off to research.

Here is small selection of divorce books for parents worth checking out at your local bookstore.

1. Child Custody: Building Parenting Agreements that Work
by Mimi E. Lyster

A practical guide for dealing successfully with this touchy issue. Checklists and worksheets make the whole process with its somewhat daunting legal implications a lot simpler to face.

2. Its Not Your Fault Koko Bear
by Vicki Lansky

This is a heartwarming storybook for parents to read together with young children when facing a divorce. Parents with young kids have given this book glowing reviews saying how it helped their child get in touch with and understand their feelings when going through this difficult time. Kids really relate to this one. Highly recommended.

3. Dinosaurs Divorce
by Marc Brown

This time its dinosaurs taking on the emotional turmoil of divorce, but in a way that will engage kids and hopefully have a positive influence with its cheerfull illustrations. Its on the long side (31 pages) and the different chapters tackle issues from “What is Divorce” to “Living in Two Homes”. A good way for parents and children to open up honest dialogue.

4. Difficult Questions Kids Ask And Are Afraid To Ask About Divorce
by Meg F. Schneider

Parents with older kids (after preschool) were reassured with this book and claimed that the questions hit very close to home. The subjects and ages vary though, so an overall good range for parents.

After my last post and my recent uncomfortable experience, I thought it would be useful to know HOW to talk to young kids about divorce. Whether its you and your husband going through one, family members, friends or a movie or tv show, here are some useful tips I found to explain the rather serious matter to little ones:

1. Keep it short and simple - lengthy elaborations can be lost on tots, instead say something like: “A divorce is when two people who are married stop being married. They do this because they aren’t happy living together anymore.”

2. Honesty counts - If the divorce is yours, make sure you tell your child why (”we were fighting too much/making each other sad”) AND always say that it ISNT their fault and thet you’ll both always love them.

3. Talk about it - You need to help the child understand what is going on and dispel as much fears as you can from them by continuing to talk and answer questions when they ask.

4. No blaming - If its happening to you, dont make it seem like your partner was the baddie (even if he was - well, to a point.). Same goes for friends, family and so on. Negative comments can do damage to a child, if that child has a relationship with the person in question.

No, thankfully not mine, but when it happens to people close to you. My daughter sees it on television and I’ve explained it in concept - “when mommies and daddies can’t get along… are fighting too much, and wont live together anymore…” etc etc..

But what I find harder is when a new person comes into the scene. Later today, my Mother is coming to visit us with her new “friend”. In her 50’s, she’s decided to leave her husband of 15 years (my stepdad, whose also been married 3 times before), because she says that for the first time ever, this new guy is making her feel things she never felt before.

Without wanting to be the judgemental, moralistic daughter (okay, so I am a bit), I cant help but feel VERY uncomfortable about the whole affair. Things arent really tied up with my Stepdad yet, and yet here comes my children’s Grandmother, passing by for coffee en route to the resort down the road where they’ll be spending the weekend - like its the most normal thing in the world!

I tried to explain to my daughter who this person her Grandma was coming with - a friend who was a doctor and that they were going to the resort to meditate and do yoga (something my Mother is passionate about and her ex-to-be wasnt, but this guy is - get it now?). She took it with a grain of salt, but I do wonder what will go through her 4-year old- mind when they arrive later.

Before you start planning tomorrow’s lunchbox, I thought it would be useful to make a quick list on what SHOULDNT go into the lunchbox. This is because of the gross amount of things you can find in any supermarket today - things, which masquerade as “healthy” items but are actually NOT.

Here’s what to be wary of:

1. Fruit Drinks - if its not 100% juice, its got very little of the real stuff in and probably masses of flavourings, sugar and coloring. Better choices to give are homemade smoothies or pure juice.

2. Fruit Snacks - I plead guilty to this as seen in my last post’s mention of fruit roll ups (but my daughter loves them!). Anything that says “with real fruit!” on it probably has very little fruit and gargantuan amounts of sugar. Yikes.

3. Processed Snacks - Cheese strings, cheese and cracker packs, and obviously crisps (despite being wholewheat etc) can be loaded with salt and saturated fats. Not good.

4. Flavoured and Kid’s Yougurt - Kids yogurt tend to be sweeter or worse, with those add-ins like sprinkles, chocolate etc which mean too far too sweet. Think of it as 5 teaspoons of white sugar in each pot.

5. Cereal Bars - On the outside these do look convincingly healthy, but the reality is actually about 40% sugar, 30% fat and some major cavities tomorrow. Did I scare you enough?

To continue from the last post, a good way to get started on daily lunchbox planning is to do it based on the 4 vital ingredients. I’ve given some ideas too below.

1. Protein

Try sandwiches filled with chicken, eggs, tuna, cheese or ham (try the turkey kind). My daughter also likes pasta or rice with chicken or tuna.

2. Complex Carbs

Complex carbohydrates, as opposed to refined carbs, release energy slowly, ensuring that your child has enough energy to last the day and wont need a coffee after lunch. Find this in whole grain breads, pasta, brown or red rice and the good old banana.

3. Calcium

Kids simply need calcium for their growth, so do remember cheese, yougurts, fromage frais and milk (including milkshakes). Experts say kids above 5 can go low-fat, but personally I’ll keep mine on whole until they hit puberty. It just seems they should enjoy whole as long as they can.

4. Fruit and Veg

Heres where they’ll get their all-important vitamins, anti-oxidants, minerals and other lovely things. I sneak the veg in pasta sauce (tomatoes and carrots), chicken meatballs (with spinach) and even cake (carrot & pineapple). My kids love raisins, oranges, mangoes apples (with cinnamon sugar - the brown kind) and broccoli too, so I count myself lucky. Oh, and corn too. Does that count as a vegetable?

5. The Treat (entirely optional)

Ok, this bit is optional depending on how much of a health-obsessed Mom you are. But even if you are, you can kinda cheat. As a treat, you could throw in one of those fruit leather things (or fruit roll ups if you’re lazy and feeling indulgent) or some cake or cookies (homemade is better, but a raisin oat variety or wholewheat teddy grahams from the store is ok too).

On Martha Stewart’s site, she drew funny faces on fruit with edible markers or better yet, do as my Mother did when I was little and make faces on top of brown rice using grapes and veg slivers. It got me to eat my complex carbs, and made me the envy of my 1st grade class.