In Gimore Girls, Lorelai and Rory seem to get along pretty well except for the later seasons. Lorelai had Rory when she was still a teenager so maybe that is why they get along pretty well. Their age gap is not so huge compared to other mother-daughter tandems. They even go out shopping together and borrow each others’ clothes. They talk about their relationships. They joke around like friends.

If you think that this is only possible on TV and only for moms who are not too old for their teenage daughters, think again. There are ways after all.

Start them young.

If your children would know you as someone they could trust and easily talk with, that will make them feel this more consistently. That is why it is good. However, the dilemma is that they might be too clingy later on.

Treat them as adults.

This is especially when they are already teenagers. If they know that you are trying to see them as adults, they would feel better about themselves. As if you are equals, in a way. At least when it comes to deciding on certain things for their own. Especially when it comes to dating. This way, you might even have the chance for some heart-to-heart talks.

Have fun with them.

It is true that you have to be serious with them, especially when it comes to discussing matters. But do things together like shopping, going to the salon or the spa. If your daughter likes sports like soccer or basketball, talk about the athletes and maybe even try playing it. Do not hesitate in having fun with her.

The Gilmore girls are probably not the conventional mother-daughter set up but you sure could learn much from their relationship. We are all humans and this is one thing that the daughters should see in their mothers. If you are too strict and stoic, how could they relate with you after all?

There has always been a big deal placed on gifted children. There are schools that even hold seminars to let parents have a clue on how to enhance their children’s gifts. But it is not just the parents’ responsibility to find out the talents of their children. They also have to teach their children how to give to others and if they could use those talents for others’ benefits, well and good.

Fathers are usually said to be the disciplinarian in the family. Mothers are said to be more of the caring type. But this is not always the case and either way, they both have to make sure that their child has a balanced life. Too much discipline or military-like discipline at a young age might make the child focus on rules. Parents must be an example to the child early on.

There are different things that you could do to show how to be giving. Take for example team sports like basketball. You need to pass the ball to others. It is part of your strategy as a team to score. If you were always getting the ball and not giving it to others, they will not get the chance to shoot the ball or pass it yet another time. That could make the team lose the game.

Another thing that you could do is when you are with your neighbors, you could share the joy that you feel, let your child see it. Also, teach your child how to be more sociable too. Sometimes you would encounter neighbors that are difficult to deal with but things will be quite alright if you crack a joke to break the ice. Show these people love and your child will realize it.

Do you have teenage sons and daughters? That is such a challenging thing. Imagine all those hormones raging out of your sons and daughters. That is why some parents get terribly paranoid about letting them go out. They think of the possibility of those teenagers having relationships that might be sexual in nature.

One of the things that would be important in this stage is communication. The teens, being in high school, they are subject to peer pressure. They are probably confused about their identities as not quite adults but not kids anymore. Shutting them out or the other way around might make things more difficult. After all, it is more difficult to deal with people when you do not know what they are thinking.

Being friends with your teenage sons and daughters is probably one of the things you could do. Give them your trust. But not all of it. After all, as parents you have to make sure that you still set certain boundaries so that they learn and that even if they fall, they would not be hurt too much with their decisions. Aside from that, being sensitive to their needs is one of the most important things you can do.

Fathers might be too critical of their daughters’ boyfriends or dates. Especially during the prom. Or when there is a spring break party. Maybe that would be the time to take the chance to know these people. Crack jokes in their presence but not at their expense so that they know you are not doing this out of spite. Who knows? Maybe they would be your best buds with whom you will batch NBA.

There are many ways by which your children could spend their free time. You could always encourage them in the different subjects in school. Or do some physical activities or socialization. The key here is to make sure that early on, they would have a healthy amount of different activities.

The academic stuff

School could be fun. If you have children in kindergarten, you could check out books that have relatively big fonts and colorful pictures. Also, you could gather different toys that are educational. Like toys that are related to counting. If your children are already in grade school, you could give them other reading materials. It could be related to their classes.

There are parents who let their children attend special classes. There are Kumon math classes. If you are living in a different country, you could also let your child learn either your language or the language of the country you are in. It depends on your situation. In any case, that is one practical consideration.

Socialization

This is an important aspect of growing up. No one is an island. Even in kindergarten kids know that. With this in mind, you could encourage your children to play with others. It could be in the playground or at your own home. Observe them every once in a while when with other kids. There are times when you would see them having fun with others or maybe you might see them fight. Let them learn the value of friendship, how to make jokes and have nice clean fun.

Physical activities

Even the clumsiest children need to go out and play. Everyone needs that time. Let them play and learn. There are different kinds of sports like soccer. It is not always easy as they might hurt themselves. But you have to give them that. If you could, just let them be every once in a while. There might be times that you have to be the one there to hold them as they try to do the monkeybars or chase after cats. Usually it is the fathers who are expected to do that but moms are awesome too.

As children begin school they spend less time with parents, and their friends become more important. Youth begin to create their own identity through what they do, where they go, and who they know. Often teens with low self-esteem or high anxiety will seek a “quick fix” of approval from a peer group. However, if children have been given strategies early in life to deal with tough decisions, they will be able to face these tests with good results.

Early in life, children should be given smaller decisions to make (which shirt to wear, which game to play, how to arrange their room). Children who have been allowed to experiment with and learn that decisions have consequences are better able as teens to make tougher decisions! Parents who always TELL their children what to do and control their behaviour with no choice by the child are preparing their children to listen to others without ever developing an inner voice to guide them for a lifetime.

Here are some essential tips-:

- Stay involved and connected. Talk and listen to your children. Know their friends, their school experience, and what their world is like. Parents busy with work and children busy with school activities have very little time to interact. That’s why it takes special effort. Here are some suggestions for connecting with your child:

- Be a sounding board. Make it clear that you are willing to listen.

- Use everyday family activities to stay close. Making dinner, running errands, taking a walk can all be turned into quality family time.

- Build in extra time to “check-in” at bedtime. Do not assume your child has outgrown this important bedtime ritual.

- Use notes, bulletin boards, and even e-mail to communicate with each other.

- Get to know your child’s friends by inviting them to your home and on family outings.

Preschoolers need loving reassurance and support. They have little control
over their own lives and are too young to use problem-solving skills to work
through situations.

Common stressful situations include: starting or changing day-care, starting
preschool, the arrival of a new baby or family member, being separated from
a parent, being disciplined, and toilet training. Preschoolers also worry
that they will be deserted or starve, and they may become fearful of
strangers. Scary things, sickness, and the unknown also are stressful.

You will know that your child is suffering from too much stress if he has
less energy than normal, is more irritable, has night terrors or nightmares,
more frequent temper tantrums, becomes more clinging or demanding, or is
crying more than usual.

What can you do? It is up to you to recognize warning signs of stress and
help your child through the difficulty. Help your child to understand the
situation. Explain what is going on in simple, reassuring language.
Encourage your child to talk about his fears. He needs to learn to say
things like, “I don’t like it when your dog barks,” or “I’m afraid to go
into that dark room.”

Don’t tell your child that his fears are silly; they are very real to him.
Ease his tension by offering understanding, support and plenty of affection.
Holding and cuddling a young child will help to ease the stress. Finally,
you can increase your child’s sense of security by remaining calm during
times of difficulty.

When should you seek help? When you are unsuccessful in attempts to help
your child, or when the problem is too much for you to handle, get
professional help. Don’t hesitate to ask for advice.

Saying an absolute “no” to those cookies and chips may be doing your child more harm than good.

As our children grow we have less say over all areas of their life including their nutrition. While we may pack a healthy lunch, there’s not much you can do to stop them trading their nutritious apple for cookies, or spending their allowance on a chocolate bar. While as a parent you may not approve, keep in mind that there is a place for junk food in a diet … as long as that place is a very small one. Pediatrician and co-author of All Shapes and Sizes, Dr. Miriam Kaufman adds that “junk food is sometimes very good for the soul and it’s very important not to deprive our children of this.”

So how do we fit in a little junk food without overdoing it? Dr. Kaufman suggests that we “go with smaller portions, go with them as things that you have every once in a while so that potato chips are not dietary staples. Go with one scoop of ice cream instead of three. Even make your own ice cream with low fat yogurt and milk instead. There are lots of treats which are low fat. Popcorn is one of the greatest. If you do it in a hot air popcorn maker you can stick a tablespoon of butter on it and it’s still pretty low fat.”

Nutritionist Jadine Kairns agrees that a little junk food is okay. In fact, if it’s never allowed it may become the forbidden fruit and that can be trouble in itself. “I think all snacks can be offered. I even advocate chips and candy once in a while. I believe junk food does have a place in our diet, because the more you say no to yourself or have someone say no to you, the more you can really value that. So I really believe in variety, moderation and a relaxed attitude towards eating and what it entails.”

And as for the odd meal at the local burger joint Kairns feels that “the approach to fast food should be the same as to junk food. In moderation it’s okay. You don’t necessarily want a steady diet of it, but when you put together a shake, fries and a burger, you’re getting the milk, protein, starches even a little vegetable. So the four foods groups are covered, but what they are high in is fat.”

So relax when your child is out with friends and has had nothing but junk food. As Dr. Kaufman says, “every once in a while it’s okay for your child to go out and have ice cream and cake at a party.”

Studies show that girls turn away from sports and fitness once they reach the teen years. So how do we keep our daughters as interested in keeping fit as our sons keep?

It’s important to teach our children that fitness is a lifestyle choice, and that keeping fit is a life-long endeavor. For boys this lesson isn’t as difficult, but studies show that girls are less likely to remain physically active once they reach adolescence. Judy Notay, an education fitness consultant says girls’ lack of interest in fitness during the teen years is quite dramatic. “With girls and physical activity there definitely is a drop when they hit around twelve to thirteen. Studies show that there’s a real dramatic drop in team sports. Girls need to be in a social, team-driven, fun environment, and with girls only.”

We can help our daughters remain physically active by role modeling and by seeing that our schools provide fitness programs that reflect the interests of girls. Rick Bell, professor of Physical Education at the University of Victoria believes that girls are less active than boys are because it’s “a reflection of what’s happening in our schools. Girls are indicating that the curriculum is not reflecting what they want in types of activities, and the manner in which competition is a part of many activities is contrary to what many girls feel is important.”

Professor Bell says many schools are beginning to offer physical education programs for girls that grab their interest. “I know of many schools that have developed dance programs, modern, jazz, tap and social dance programs, and schools that have a prominent aerobic dance program and outdoor education programs. These are programs that typically get children very active in different settings and have been very popular in getting more and more young women involved in physical activity.”

If you’re looking for a fitness program for your daughter outside of the school setting here’s what to keep in mind says Notay. “When you’re looking for a program for your daughter make sure it’s girls only, that the activity will ensure success because it meets their skill level, and that the person running the program is very positive and understands girl’s needs. Also get a group of girls together to try something new. Then they feel safer than being on their own trying something new.”

Physical activity helps our children cope with stress, prevents disease and provides fun and socialization. While helping your daughter find the right fitness program can be a little daunting, there’s no doubt it’s worth the effort.

Are you wishing your children were a little more fiscally responsible? Then consider giving them a few of their own pennies to rub together.

At some point children need to learn about money; how to spend it and how to save it. Most experts feel one of the best ways to do this is with a weekly allowance. However, don’t expect that once your child begins to receive an allowance that she’ll be a fiscal genius. Spending and saving are learned skills explains chartered accountant Cynthia Santin, and “it’s important for parents to assist their children with managing money initially. If, for example, your child has a shortfall in their allowance, then parents should not be too quick to cover the shortfall. This way a child can learn over time how to make these spending decisions, and if they are always being covered then there is not room to grow and learn.”

Question is, how much allowance should you give your child? Paul Lermitte, author of “Allowances, Dollars and Cents” recommends giving a child an allowance based on half their age, so if they’re six years old they receive three dollars per week. He also stresses that it’s important that they get their allowance on a regular weekly basis so that they can learn to budget those few dollars from one week to the next. “An allowance is important because kids need to handle money…what we’re doing is giving them something that they need to deal with for a lifetime. And so by starting with little bits and growing those amounts as they get older, they learn money management.”

Cynthia Santin adds that there are a lot of banks with accounts designed specifically for the young client and that it’s a good idea to take advantage of these. According to Santin, operating a bank account should be a part of a child’s education in money management to “learn the process of making money on money. This is important because they learn that if they save their money, they’ll have more money eventually.”

Finally, Lermitte says “tying allowance to chores, behavior or achievements in school is a big no-no. Let the kids deal with the money. That’s what it’s all about, to learn money management. If we take their money away, how will they learn? So if kids are not cleaning their room or doing their chores, take the TV or computer away, but don’t take money away. Let them learn about money management.”

Hearing swear words coming from your child’s mouth can be upsetting. More astonishing may be that those first swear words your young child utters were learned on the home front.

It can be a shocking moment to hear your own, sweet, innocent child lacing her conversation with a few select swear words, especially if you were under the impression that this language couldn’t possibly be a part of her vocabulary. But as we know, children are like sponges, meaning they’ll pick up all sorts of phrases if they hear them, which is why so many children use their first swear word when they’re still very young.

Child Psychologist Dr. Joanne Briggs says “swearing and bad language usually comes before age six, and you either totally ignore it or say, ‘that’s not acceptable, we don’t talk that way.’

If your child does swear what should you do? Sometimes when a child is very young the temptation is to laugh – after all it can seem quite precocious. However, laughing will only encourage the use of foul language. On the other hand, punishment isn’t necessary either. Dr Briggs says you shouldn’t “make a big thing out of it. Just simply say ‘we don’t talk like that here’. But then parents must ensure that they don’t talk that way. Often parents lose sight of their own language and some of this is being modeled at home. The model is probably the most important.”

Of course young children parroting a parent is one thing. But older children who use foul language are well aware of the meaning of the words and the impact they have. So how do you deal with the older child who swears? Dr. Briggs believes that “if they’re older children, swearing and trying to shock, you should simply say “I don’t like that. I can’t do anything about how you talk away from me but when you’re with me I’d prefer you not to talk like that and if you have to talk like that, I’d prefer that you go someplace else to do it.”

So gone are the days of grounding or washing a child’s mouth out with soap. Instead you best insurance is to model good language on the home front, and to be clear about how you feel about inappropriate language with your child.